Mike, she made off with your sheets

[angry young man]

Lucky for me, I have no problems meeting ladies.

I almost titled my reply "ha!" but it occurred to me that you might think I was laughing at your misfortune, which isn't my intention. I just find that line extremely funny for some reason. As for when to tell them, you could try never...just slip in to the house in the middle of the night with a wad of money, if she asks where you've been act all twitchy and uncomfortable and change the subject, see how that goes over.