jobs are important ? - Page 4

bishopstrt · #31 09-08-2005, 12:04 AM

Wow that's a horrible spot for you to be in. I'm assuming the person in question is your boyfriend and you're supporting him.

You care about him but you don't treat him well?

I'm pretty sure he knows he should get a job. But if the alternative is living with an understanding girlfriend who supports him what is his motivation? Self respect? I think you should just be real honest with him and explain that enough's enough and you don't intend to support his sorry ass after next month. If you're too nice he'll continue to take advantage.

Depression can sometimes be a good excuse for really bright, really lazy men. I know one or two.

lucas9000 · #32 09-08-2005, 12:06 AM

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right now they live with someone that supports them but the person supporting them doesn't like this, and doesn't treat them very well because of it.

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again, this is key. the relationship shoudl be the most important thing. if the slacker is not willing to compromise for the good of the relationship, then both parties should probably go their separate ways.

to me this doesn't boil down to money, it boils down to respect and caring for the person bearing the burden of supporting both.

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i agree...

it can be tough when you're depressed though. i think a lot of it is "if they love me it shouldn't be a big deal" or something, which is bad. but considering "money doesn't equal happiness" it some how makes sense in their confused head.

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i have a very good friend who just recently lost a serious relationship because of this kind of issue. he regrets it every day. i really think that it's tough love time in this situation...lay it all out on the line for the slacker (again, for lack of a better word).

fwiw, this thread would be easier to understand if you'd just given the two people random names, like "mat" and "david." [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

IndieMatty · #33 09-08-2005, 12:07 AM

They need to find something with the town/municipality. I have a friend who is just like this, except he lived in the bunk bed with his younger brother.

He is super smart, but lazy. He just got a job with the water department and is happier then I have seen him in years.

rwesty · #34 09-08-2005, 12:09 AM

this isn't her boyfriend, it's a girl she knows

gorie · #35 09-08-2005, 12:13 AM

[ QUOTE ]
Wow that's a horrible spot for you to be in. I'm assuming the person in question is your boyfriend and you're supporting him.

You care about him but you don't treat him well?

I'm pretty sure he knows he should get a job. But if the alternative is living with an understanding girlfriend who supports him what is his motivation? Self respect? I think you should just be real honest with him and explain that enough's enough and you don't intend to support his sorry ass after next month. If you're too nice he'll continue to take advantage.

Depression can sometimes be a good excuse for really bright, really lazy men. I know one or two.

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no, it doesn't have anything to do with me, actually.

if anything i'm more familiar with the other end of it (being a lazy jobless bum) so you'd think i'd be able to figure out how to help someone else straighten themselves up but i can't.

gorie · #36 09-08-2005, 12:13 AM

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fwiw, this thread would be easier to understand if you'd just given the two people random names, like "mat" and "david." [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

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i know, but it's more interesting for me to read responses this way. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

kerssens · #37 09-08-2005, 12:16 AM

I also think this person is thinking too big. They're not gonna be able to pay off their debt in a day, week or year. They should be thinking of trying to have a good day and repeating it the next day, etc.

gorie · #38 09-08-2005, 12:22 AM

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I also think this person is thinking too big. They're not gonna be able to pay off their debt in a day, week or year. They should be thinking of trying to have a good day and repeating it the next day, etc.

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this part is hard.
i was trying to get this in their head, and that not having a job is going to make it worse not better.

i told them even if they made $9 an hour they could probably pay off the debt in around 10 years. i say this to them and it turns into "it will take longer than that, and i doubt i'd make $9 an hour probably more like $7" - and that it doesn't matter because it's too late and they'll be 38 and still have no house or anything and just be living to pay off debt. and working for 'the man' or some babble like that.

they say in a perfect world there would be no jobs or money. just people helping people.

basically they're crazy. but i think that's just the depression talking. well that and they're a little crazy.

bishopstrt · #39 09-08-2005, 12:24 AM

okay my bad.

Still...kick their sorry ass out. You aren't exactly doing them any favors, rescuing them. Your boyfriend (or whoever) will only get it together and have self-respect when he solves his own freaking problems. And tell him that a lot of people are $25,000 in debt. It doesn't mean you can't buy a house in the future. To get a home loan you need to show you can be at a job for awile. He needs someone to smack him in the head.

Who's putting more energy into caring about this, you or your "friend"?

kerssens · #40 09-08-2005, 12:28 AM

I don't know that its all that crazy, it seems reasonable to me. There was a time when I didn't have a job or go to school when I was 19. I drained my bank account and eventually got a job but didn't get back into school for another 2 years. Four years just seemed too long. One day it just clicked and I registered for school. I don't know what made me do it. Somehow my attitude changed and I was thinking about getting through the class that was in front of me and I slowly broadened my view.