Stepson Asking to be Naughty, My Play

daveymck · #1 10-13-2005, 04:55 AM

Stepson is nearly 13 and is generally a good kid a bit obnoxious and cheeky at times as kids are but not really any major problems.

So his school has a debit and credit reward policy and since returning to school he has had no debits for bad behaviour. His friends are typical middle of the road kids a bit of trouble but not bad kids all of them have got debits, so far in the term he hasnt but one of the swots has been giving him grief about not being one of the hard lads if has no debits, he says his friends are fine and dont give him any grief about it. The issue is compounded that next week at the end of term if you have no debits you go on stage in front of school assembley to get your reward certificate, obviously form his point of view its a credibility no no so he is set against it.

So last night he asked his mam if he could do one naughty thing to get a debit then returning to his normal good diciplined self. SHe wasnt really sure so he deceided to ask for my advice.

I checked that he wasnt getting bullied and said to him over life lots of people try and get you to do things and that you can either be a blind sheep and follow them or be independant and a leader and do what you know is best for you. Obviously he said he would rather be a sheep.

So I said we would rather he didnt do anything like that and that he should speak to his form tutor and say you dont want to go on stage if you have no debits as this is the main driver and see what her response is.

If its negative and still going on stage I said as a last resort he coud get a debit and said that it had to be for not doing his homework, which would mean he gets his debit but hasnt been bad in class and should be acceptable to his mam. It also means that it shouldnt change a teachers view of him which if happened could maybe lead to more trouble as the year goes on.

At the end I reiterated that I would rather he was strong and stuck to his own mind than blindly following.

He seemed happy with this so said was going to speak to tutor, his Mam is also going to ring to say she isnt happy about him going on the stage.

Personally I dont care if he gets a debit not the end of the world but also would like him to think for himself especially as he is getting to an age where peer pressure can make you do stupid things, also I want him to think he can come and talk to me or his mam about any troubles he is having, we have a pretty permissive house within bounderies so hopefully he will.

Any thoughts on what I said or if I should add any extra if I speak to him tonight.

[censored] · #2 10-13-2005, 04:59 AM

if it is important to him and he seems to have thought about the consequences I say let him follow through with his idea. Mostly I think this is a very minor thing and in those cases I say side with your kid.

diebitter · #3 10-13-2005, 05:01 AM

He sounds a good kid to me. I think you made a good call to tell him to ask his form tutor.

If it were me, and I could, I'd arrange for him to have a 'dentists appt' at that time, and take him bowling, or the cinema, or some other treat, and let him know it's cos he's not done any bad stuff he's getting it.

Otherwise, talk through what he can do that's naughty but not too bad, and agree that's the way to go. It's not that big a deal for you and all, but it his for him, so go with his decision.

#4 10-13-2005, 05:01 AM

#5 10-13-2005, 05:37 AM

Tell him to ask the tutor if he could be excused from the certificate, stage walk ceremony. If the tutor declines his polite request, instruct him to spit on the tutor and say, "See what you made me do!"

All the kids would think he was pretty awesome. And so would I.

Skjonne · #6 10-13-2005, 08:27 AM

So the kid's school punishes the good kids by dragging the poor lads onto a stage to be laughed upon by all the bad kids?

What a retarded idea.

But fwiw I think you handled the situation very well. If they won't let him stay off stage, they're even more retarded than I first presumed, and I suggest you let your stepson earn his debit by telling them that

daveymck · #7 10-13-2005, 08:44 AM

I agree its not really a great system, they have diaries that they bring home which has homework and debit/credits they got in them, I guess its a way of communicating their beheviour to parents, but onstage presentations seems little reward to me.

Some older kids got busted for drugs the other week there I wonder how many debits they got for that.

My concern is more about him not feeling pressured by his peers and being able to shrug off remarks from other kids he doesnt know into altering his behaviour more so as he is about to go through a big stage in his life the 13-16 year old phase is going to throw temptations his way.

diebitter · #8 10-13-2005, 08:50 AM

I understand your worry - and can't add more to help you I don't think - but he sounds about as good a kid as you could possibly hope for, from what you said.

I'm sure you are proud of him, huh [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

pokerdirty · #9 10-13-2005, 08:53 AM

let him skip school that day, and take him to a strip club.

this solves not having to go up in front of the school for a nerdy award, and he will get major street cred at the middle school.

diebitter · #10 10-13-2005, 08:54 AM

And post pics here please (of the girls!)