What to do with my life (need advice bad)?

[AdamBragar]

Your story is pretty similar to mine. I live in NYC. I graduated college in May of 2004 and went into consulting. I hated the place I worked for and quit in July of this year and now I play poker for a living. With that said, here's some advice:

1) I wouldn't quit your job until you've worked there for a year. It looks bad on your resume that you quit your first job after a few months. Pretty much every friend I have hated their job after a few months, but some of them like it now. I'd give it some time and maybe you'll like it and if you still hate it, you can count down to your one year anniversary and then quit. Also, if you work for one of the big IBanks, it will look really good on your resume for whatever else you want to do if you work there for a year.

2) Front office IBanking jobs pay a ton of money. This is true, but if you don't like the job, you will be miserable. You have to work so much in IBanking, it basically consumes your life. Don't let the money suck you in.

3) Have a plan for life after poker. I'm only playing for a living for a year. Hopefully, in fall 06, I'll be going to get a doctorate in Econ. You graduated college and it seems like your smart enough to have a lot of possibilities, so even if you decide to play poker for a living, there might be a time when either the Poker Golden Age stops or you decide you want to do something else. So even while playing poker or beforehand, look into other options. Start trying to contact people in Game Development. It seems most jobs in a lot of industries are through connections. So, start making connections.

That's all I can think of right now. PM me if you have any more questions or anything.

[Nomad84]

[ QUOTE ]
He might get into a depression or something.

[/ QUOTE ]

Sounds to me like he's already there.

Only you will be able to decide what's best for you. I think we all agree that more money is better. Even so, that doesn't mean that the jobs that pay well are better than those that don't, as you've discovered. I decided a few years ago that I won't let myself make big decisions that affect my enjoyment of life based on the money involved. This includes jobs, trips, going out with friends, etc. I have enough money that I can afford to enjoy myself, and as long as that remains the case, I don't want to stress over it. I still don't know what I'll be doing in a few months after I graduate, but I will do my best not to take a job that puts me in a position like yours. What is your ultimate career goal? Do you even know? I would like to work for NASA in the future if possible. I am so interested in working there that I don't even care how much money I can make there. Since I don't expect to be able to work there right out of college, I'm going to try to follow a path that will eventually lead there, including grad school and possibly working for the Air Force. It doesn't sound like your job is leading you towards anything that you really want to do. It's hard to change course in life, but sometimes it is necessary. I went to a high school that is widely know for it's advanced curriculum. I learned a ton and met a lot of great people. I thought I wanted to go to a big name college, but I didn't even know what kind of career I was interested in. After my first year there (it's a 2 year program) I decided that it wasn't worth it. It was hard to leave, but the stress was far to great. It's a risk vs. reward kind of thing. I decided that not continuing at this school wouldn't ultimately affect my career path, while sticking with it would surely drive me nuts. For me, it wasn't worth staying. It's a different situation since there wasn't money involved, or course, but you said all you want is enough money to get by. If I were in your situation, I'd be looking for a way out. I'm not sure what your monthly nut would be if you quit and moved, but you make it sound like you could get by on $2k/month or so if you needed to. I think I would seriously consider moving in with your friends and playing 3/6 or so for a while. Maybe take a couple of months to regroup and get yourself in a better state of mind, enjoying life again. I'd plan on trying to get another job at that point though. If you are definitely beating the game, I still like the idea of a second job until you've built up a significant bankroll + a few months of expenses + paid off all loans. All of this is just my personal opinion. You are the only one that can decide whether or not the benefits of your current job (pay, etc.) are worth what you are going through, and if quitting would improve things or not.

[lehighguy]

I've worked hard all my life. I worked very hard in school. I worked and went to school in high school. When I did my first internship I worked so hard I had to go to the doctor because I was coughing up blood, he said it was from overwork. Made me take time off. I don't think laziness is the factor here.

As I said, I've ALWAYS made the responsible decision. I always studied instead of partied, I was always polite instead of rude, I always did my fair share when I didn't have to. I'm just not sure what that has gotten me.

I never had any interest in this field. I never even applied for my first internship, my Aunt just called me one day and told me to go for an interview. I turned down having them pay part of my college if I went to work for them.

I can't look for another job while working there. If they call for a reference, I'll be fired the next day. It isn't worth thier time to train me if I'm gonna be out the door the next day. So if I'm gonna do anything else, I'm gonna have to quit. As for similair jobs, I just hate finance in general.

The other thing is, I don't like the people who work in finance. They are all very shallow. We have none of the same hobbies. I find it hard to be friends with them.

The other job I considered when I was young was politics. I worked for an NYC councilmen and on a congressional campaign. But working in politics is different from talking about politics or policy. Its mostly dirty and scummy. Driving around trying to "expose" the other guy. All sorts of other stuff. Unless your actually setting policy your mostly just trashing the other guy or churning out propoganda for a living.

[lehighguy]

[ QUOTE ]

1) I wouldn't quit your job until you've worked there for a year. It looks bad on your resume that you quit your first job after a few months. Pretty much every friend I have hated their job after a few months, but some of them like it now. I'd give it some time and maybe you'll like it and if you still hate it, you can count down to your one year anniversary and then quit. Also, if you work for one of the big IBanks, it will look really good on your resume for whatever else you want to do if you work there for a year.

[/ QUOTE ]

Won't I need to work out my entire two year contract first. I thought about waiting until I could keep my bonus check, but I think it would be the same effect if I quit halfway through my contract as opposed to 1/4 way through. Or do you disagree.

[ QUOTE ]

3) Have a plan for life after poker. I'm only playing for a living for a year. Hopefully, in fall 06, I'll be going to get a doctorate in Econ. You graduated college and it seems like your smart enough to have a lot of possibilities, so even if you decide to play poker for a living, there might be a time when either the Poker Golden Age stops or you decide you want to do something else. So even while playing poker or beforehand, look into other options. Start trying to contact people in Game Development. It seems most jobs in a lot of industries are through connections. So, start making connections.


[/ QUOTE ]

I'd like to open my own business, maybe an internet gaming cafe. If I'm successful enough at poker I'll have saved up enough money to do that after a few years. I don't see myself doing this for life, but I think it might be an ok start. I could also apply for new jobs while playing poker, something I can;t do while in the investment bank.

Right now I'm not really saving alot of money because of NYC living expenses. Bonuses are small for first years even if you make the bank a gajillion dollars.

[MicroBob]

Didn't read the whole thing but got the general gist.


First, lots of people don't like their jobs. You already know this of course.

But I was sorta like you in that I didn't want to work in a career that sucked away my soul.
I did what I wanted and loved even though I made extremely little money doing it (working in radio).
I have no regrets about spending 12 years making almost nothing doing something that I loved.

Just something to consider.



Also - it sounds like you are suffering from some general anxiety and depression.
Obviously partly brought on by your lack of inspiration in your employment...but possibly not entirely related to that.

It's not uncommon to have that kind of confusion and feel pressure about 'what direction should I go' at 22 and just out of college (think Dustin Hoffman in 'The Graduate').
I had many of the same anxieties and depressions at that time in my life.

Lots of pressure it seems.

Not sure if that helps or not...but I'm pretty sure you're not alone in being pretty gosh-darned confused at this time in your life.

Not trying to be condescending or anything.
Just saying that I've sorta 'been there'.
not that everything in my life is picture-perfect at 35 y.o.
But I know that between 22-24 was a particuarly confusing time in my life as I was still trying to find myself.


Couple other things:

1. I suspect that you could probably get your gig back if you wanted/needed to and left on good terms.
Nothing in life has to be permanent. If you go the poker-route and it doesn't work out or collapses at some point then consider your options. Obviously your options would be to go right back to where you were (or some place silimiar).
I am not familiar with this stuff so maybe it would be far more difficult to get back into it than I realize.


[ QUOTE ]
I spend all day everyday thinking about poker.

[/ QUOTE ]


I'm not thrilled with this mind-set.
Maybe I'm taking just one sentence WAY out of context...but there are so many freaking other things in life than just poker.

read the article in this month's 2+2 mag by the guy who was responding to Dr. Al's article.
He lets poker be TOO MUCH a part of his life.


whether or not poker is full-time or part-time you should strive to enjoy life in as many non-poker ways as possible.


In that guy's article...I think he is his own worst enemy. He lets poker get the better of him and lets it dominate his life.
It's extremely easy to stay healthy (go to the gym...join a soccer or basketball league or something) and have a girlfriend while playing online-poker for a living.
but you have to make sure that poker is not your sole/only priority in life.

so just be careful of that whole 'I think about poker all-day' type mid-set (not just directed at you....just something I see a lot around here and I think it's unhealthy).


good luck with your decision.
Hope this gave you some things to think about.

[raisins]

Don't think that you have to quit in order to look for another job. Even if your current employer would fire you if someone called for a reference, you can still job hunt. Simply tell any prospective employers that you do not want them contacting your current employer. They will understand. Perhaps your resume will not be as well received as if they were welcome to contact them but it will probably still be as competitive as if you were unemployed and looking for a job after working for a few months after graduation.

regards,

raisins

[lehighguy]

I get really into things, especially games. I don't think it's just poker. I could say the same thing about a videogames or a sport. The thing is, I could do certain things all day. I like to get really good at them, and I love every minute of it. Getting paid to play poker is kinduv like getting paid to play chess.

As far as doing it all day, I don't understand it. I've read alot that people that play poker don't go to the gym or have a lot of friends. This seems entirely counter-intuitive. Right now I'm out of shape and not very social BECAUSE I work. I don't have the time or energy to do anything else. I don't like my co-workers.

If I was playing poker 30-40 hours a week, I'd be able to do all those things. I'd have the energy to start playing sports again or try to meet a girl. At the end of the day, its just money.

[Greg J]

You are obviously not happy with yr job. Don't waste your life doing something you hate. You are blessed with skills and intelligence. You really do have a lot going for you if you think about it.

[ QUOTE ]
I talked to my parents about this and the jist of what they said is the life sucks. My best years are behind me, work is suppose to be totally miserable, and it won't change. Just suck it up.

[/ QUOTE ]
I was raised by my grandparents, and they tried to tell me the same thing. And I love them, but it was the worst advice I recieved from anyone about anything BY FAR. What is the point of living life if you can't be happy? Find something that makes you happy and do that. If it's poker, cool. Perhaps you can play poker while going to classes to learn game development. Whatever it is, you have too much going for you to be miserable. I don't know your parents, and don't take offence to this please, but you should not listen to them. They are wrong.

Financial security does not necessarily equal happiness.

[MicroBob]

[ QUOTE ]

Financial security does not necessarily equal happiness.

[/ QUOTE ]


That was exactly my mindset...and still is.

However, in poker I am actually obtaining a degree on financial security that I didn't have before (so I'm kind of backwards in this regard).


[ QUOTE ]

If I was playing poker 30-40 hours a week, I'd be able to do all those things. I'd have the energy to start playing sports again or try to meet a girl. At the end of the day, its just money.

[/ QUOTE ]


right. seems like you have the right idea in general.
just don't be like 'that guy' (in the article...or elsewhere) who is unable to hang on to his girl because he's ALWAYS playing poker. That's just silly.

My girl calls at the last minute and says "Hey...lets go out." and I'm able to even though I've only put in 1 or 2 hours of work that day...I can always put in the hours later.
In fact, it's this freedom to 'always get around to it later' that is my biggest struggle with this whole thing (related to this is the problem of responding WAY too much to 2+2 threads when I should be playing/working).


If you are pretty sure that you won't lock yourself away for 20 hours out of the day just playing, playing, playing and will have a better life overall (including girls, friends, exercising, etc) then I suggest going for it.


The whole pressure from the parents thing is tough though.

regardless of whether they are right or not they are still your parents and there is still pressure there.

I left my last 'job' at 32 and still was very careful in how I worked with the parents about it.
My Dad understands okay and my Mom is less and less worried since I've obviously been 'getting by' for the last 20 months almost doing nothing but poker.


I can't imagine my Mom being cool with this if I was doing this at 22....and it would probably be a little trickier for my Dad at that age too (although maybe not....have received reports that he has kind of bragged about his poker-playing son who played at the WSOP).


I really have no suggestions on how best to approach this with your parents.
I mean...if they're really wacky they could find out about you playing poker for a career and go so far as to 'intervene' and try to get you off to G.A., etc.
for those who don't understand the deal here it's a completely understandable reaction.
Gambling really HAS ruined many many lives...and it's quite the leap of faith for those who don't understand it to somehow truly believe that you really ARE in the minority of players that can do this profitably (or that there even IS such a thing as minority that can do this profitably).

[ginko]

If I was you I would quit this job and concentrate on doing what makes me happy. You could easily destroy poker given your description.

Life is about being *happy*. If your not happy then there is no point. You can do anything you want. Just believe in yourself and your abilities and don't give up.

I can't tell you what line of work to persue, hell I don't even know what I want to do(I'm 20, no college yet, living as a semi-pro poker player). But figure it out. Take some time off. Quit this job, do some volunteer and the poker thing, maybe go back to school, enjoy life.

I recently went into a deep depression because the way my life has turned out. But I've fought hard and come through with the support of my family, my gf, reading self help books(7habits), and taking vitamins+st johns wort. It's worked.


I wish you luck.