And you thought sharks were scary...

[DVaut1]

'Armed' Dolphins Missing in the Gulf

"Armed dolphins, trained by the US military to shoot terrorists and pinpoint spies underwater, may be missing in the Gulf of Mexico. Experts who have studied the US navy's cetacean training exercises claim the 36 mammals could be carrying 'toxic dart' guns. Divers and surfers risk attack, they claim, from a species considered to be among the planet's smartest. The US navy admits it has been training dolphins for military purposes, but has refused to confirm that any are missing.

Dolphins have been trained in attack-and-kill missions since the Cold War. The US Atlantic bottlenose dolphins have apparently been taught to shoot terrorists attacking military vessels. Their coastal compound was breached during the storm, sweeping them out to sea."

[Matty]

[renodoc]

bahahahahaha

The question beckons, will the US now impound several schools of fish outside Cuba as 'enemy combatants'? If they put suspicious tuna together with loitering sharks the problem might solve itself pretty quickly.

(I also imagine huge re-education centers where cold-war veteran dolphins are taught to now look for bearded divers instead of divers named Boris.)