Family members who steal - Page 4

chesspain · #31 08-22-2005, 07:24 PM

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but how do you go about telling her she can't work there after she's been looking forward to it for months (without telling her the real reason why)?

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Just tell her that you and her daughter feel "it would be best if no other family members were working at the salon"--assuming that no other family members are slated to work there. Or tell her that you don't want to complicate the relationships you and your fiance have with her by having her be an employee.

If she presses you for more information, just keep repeating whatever you say above. You don't owe her any more of an explanation.

If she throws a fit and avoids you for a while--she'll get over it.

However, if your fiance is unwilling to set this much of a boundary between her and her mother--then you should seriously rethink both your personal and professional relationships with her.

Xhad · #32 08-22-2005, 09:32 PM

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I've met great people who stole from their family at certain age but learned better later on.

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Yeah, you can't evaluate someone's eventual personality on how they behave in their young, reckless, mother-in-law/grandmother days ...

KingCon · #33 08-22-2005, 10:33 PM

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Why are you and your wife so angry about this? I don't get it.

Anyone in my family could steal every dollar I have in my bank account and I would still hold them close to my heart. Sometimes people do things for reasons they don't understand. It doesn't make them bad people. Family isn't just more important than money. Its like apples and oranges. Life is meaningless when you don't have friends or family.

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Cousin Snowball, Can I come visit during Labor Day weekend?

vexvelour · #34 08-23-2005, 03:03 PM

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When I think about it, knowing women, your wife is just mad at her mom and wants to get back at her own mother by having you hate her. So she makes up these crazy stories and you start thinking her mom is a bitch. But it's all your wife's cruel plan. Of course, that's just my opinion based on my experience with women.

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I don't get it. Why do all guys think girls are scheming against them, setting them up for a trap....it's not true. Well, maybe for the crazy ones....but not most of us.

Autocratic · #35 08-23-2005, 03:11 PM

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When I think about it, knowing women, your wife is just mad at her mom and wants to get back at her own mother by having you hate her. So she makes up these crazy stories and you start thinking her mom is a bitch. But it's all your wife's cruel plan. Of course, that's just my opinion based on my experience with women.

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I don't get it. Why do all guys think girls are scheming against them, setting them up for a trap....it's not true. Well, maybe for the crazy ones....but not most of us.

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Actually, I was taking a little playful jab at women, though I stand by the concept that they are crazy.

SNOWBALL138 · #36 08-23-2005, 04:12 PM

Ok, I misspoke. Its not that thieves aren't bad people. They are. All I mean is that if they're bad people, then we are all bad people. Everyone on this forum has committed some kind of act that they are or should be completely ashamed of.
Everyone has within them the capacity for great evil.
Most people would administer dangerous levels of electric voltage to someone they know to be a cardiac patient if a scientist or authority figure told them to do it. Its nice to try and pretend that I'm a better person than people who steal, but at best, thats only circumstantially true, and at worst, its only semantically or superficially true.
Ok, I don't want to rant about this because I don't want to hijack Darren's thread.

Navers · #37 08-23-2005, 05:52 PM

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Everyone has within them the capacity for great evil.
Most people would administer dangerous levels of electric voltage to someone they know to be a cardiac patient if a scientist or authority figure told them to do it. Its nice to try and pretend that I'm a better person than people who steal, but at best, thats only circumstantially true

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So what. Everything you said is a reason why bad people should try to change, not for good people to accept them and say "oh well we all have the potential to be bad under certain circumstances so we should all accept or be nicer to those that are evil."

#38 08-24-2005, 09:33 PM

Aquire some proof she stole it, then report it to the police. She sounds like a complete scumbag to me, and some jail time will do her good.

Timer · #39 08-25-2005, 05:13 AM

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Aquire some proof she stole it, then report it to the police. She sounds like a complete scumbag to me, and some jail time will do her good.

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Get a grip. It's his mother-in-law for Christ Sakes.

So she took some make-up big deal. However, you can't let her work for you.

Just tell her that you've decided not to have family members working in the salon. Things just become to personal when family members work together, so we decided to hire outsiders instead.

You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your in-laws.

bodie · #40 08-25-2005, 10:31 AM

I agree that you must find a way to stop her from working in the salon - it should be fairly easy to say that your accountant told you it would be too difficult, or something. My reasoning is that if she thinks it's okay for some reason (because she thinks you're rich and can handle it, or she thinks your fiancee is a stuck-up snob who deserves it) then she will continue to do it, and these sorts of things can escalate until perhaps she'll decide it's okay to embezzle money as well. It's a huge lack of integrity and trust.
As far as finding a way to tell her and get her to admit what she did - you only have three choices in my opinion:
a) don't say anything but prevent her from working for you
b) confront her quietly and simply say that if she won't discuss it with you then *she* is undermining your whole relationship (and obviously won't be able to work for you)
c) tell her that you have an in-store video system which caught her doing it and that you need to talk to her about it - in this case you could act really upset as if you are the victim, so she can't become defensive

Good luck - personally I don't like to forgive someone who would do something like this to me, and talk about me as she does about you, mother or not. Unless they come clean, apologize and discuss it.