Two Questions about Home Game Ettiquette (long)

[Snarf]

My friends and I play small buy-in tourneys together at least two-three times a week. We've worked hard this past year - not only at getting better - but also at following 'proper ettiquitte' and 'casino roles' closer and closer. We manage a very healthy balance of friendly fun and 'poker proffessionalism' if you will.

I've gone out of my way to be well read regarding poker ettiquette in any number of situations and have discussed it at length with my friends to come to mutual understandings that are as close to the 'book' as we can figure and still allow for the maximum amount of fairness and fun.

Thats just some background about our group. I have two ettiquette questions.

1) I'm pretty sure I know the answer to this one - but just wanted to clarify for my own sake. We've always followed the rule of 'show one show all' for showing your card at the end of a hand. However this only applies to people IN THE GAME, right? For instance, it is a common occurence that one of the first couple people out will accept the full-time dealer role. If - with a player's permission - the DEALER (who is out of the tourney) were to look at a player's mucked cards --- does that give other players a right to ask to see the hand under the 'show one show all' rule?
I know my opinion but we recently had a semi-heated confrontation with a decent player new to our group who disagrees with my take, stating that the dealer was 'at the table' and therefore the hand should be flipped over for all to see.

2) And on this question I really need some actual guidance: Does a player have to be present at the table to play a hand. Meaning, can they look at their cards, step outside for a smoke, have the dealer basically shout out the flop and then mouth their actions through the window. Does the answer change if I'm merely standing five feet away from the table? How do casinos and proffesional tourneys handle this? How do you guys handle this in your home games?

Thanks.