favourite movie rants

[Ulysses]

modaddy and others,

From a movie about this thread:

WHAT THE [censored] IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? HOW THE [censored] DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT A [censored] RANT IS? A RANT IS NOT RANDOM ENTERTAINING DIALOGUE FROM A MOVIE. A RANT IS NOT ANY MONOLOGUE THAT YOU HAPPEN TO LIKE. IF YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT RANT MEANS HOW ABOUT MAYBE LOOKING IT UP FIRST INSTEAD OF POSTING SOME RANDOM [censored] IN THIS THREAD?

[Noo Yawk]

at a spelling bee]
Teacher: The word is "forensics".
Kid: Ah, [censored] that. Why should we [censored] have to spell forensics?
[cheers from kids in audience]
Kid: S-U-C-K-M-Y-A-S-S. Forensics.

[maryfield48]

Not a rant, but a great speech by Pacino:

Mayor John Pappas: I was warned not to come here. I was warned. They warned me, "Don't stand behind that coffin." But why should I heed such a warning, when a heartbeat is silent and a child lies dead? "Don't stand behind" this coffin. That boy was as pure and as innocent as the driven snow. But I must stand here, because I have not given you what you should have. Until we can walk abroad and recreate ourselves; until we can stroll along the streets like boulevards; congregate in parks free from fear, our families mingling, our children laughing, our hearts joined - until that day we have no city. You can label me a failure until that day. The first and perhaps only great mayor was Greek. He was Pericles of Athens, and he lived some 2500 years ago, and he said, "All things good on this Earth flow into the City, because of the City's greatness." Well, we were great once. Can we not be great again? Now, I put that question to James Bone, and there's only silence. Yet could not something pass from this sweet youth to me? Could he not empower me to find in myself the strength to have the knowledge to summon up the courage to accomplish this seemingly insurmountable task of making a city livable? Just livable. There was a palace that was a city. It was a PALACE! It was a PALACE and it CAN BE A PALACE AGAIN! A PALACE, in which there is no king or queen, or dukes or earls or princes, but subjects all: subjects beholden to each other, to make a better place to live. Is that too much to ask?
Audience: No!
Mayor John Pappas: Are we asking too much for this?
Audience: No!
Mayor John Pappas: Is it beyond our reach?
Some Audience Members: No!
Mayor John Pappas: Because if it is, then we are nothing but sheep being herded to the final SLAUGHTERHOUSE! I will not go down, THAT WAY!
[The audience begins shouting approval]
Mayor John Pappas: I choose to FIGHT BACK! I choose to RISE, not fall! I choose to LIVE, not die! And I know, I know that what's within me is also WITHIN YOU.
Audience Member: Amen!
Mayor John Pappas: That's why I ask you now to join me. Join me, RISE UP with me, RISE UP on the wings of this slain angel.
[Audience members begin shouting "Yes" at every pause]
Mayor John Pappas: We'll rebuild on the soul of this little warrior. We will pick up his standard and RAISE it high! Carry it forward until THIS CITY - YOUR CITY - OUR CITY - HIS CITY - IS A PALACE OF GOD! IS A PALACE OF GOD! I am with you, little James. I am you.

[The Ocho]

semi-rantish:

Whoa whoa whoa, Miss Lippy. The part of the story I don't like is that the little boy gave up looking for Happy after an hour. He didn't put posters up or anything, he just sat on the porch like a goon and waited. That little boy's gotta think 'You got a pet. You got a responsibility.' If your dog is lost you don't look for an hour then call it quits. You get your ass out there and you find that [censored] dog.

[Keats13]

You're no saint. You got a free cab, you got a free room - and someone who'll listen to your boring stories! Didn't you notice on the plane when you started talking, eventually I started reading the vomit bag? Didn't that give you some sort of clue, like maybe this guy's not enjoying it?

You know, not everything is an anecdote, you have to discriminate! You choose things are funny or mildly amusing! You're a miracle! Your stories have none of that! They're not even amusing accidentally! "Honey, I'd like you to meet Del Griffith, he's got some amusing anecdotes for ya! And, oh, here's a gun so you can blow your brains out, you'll thank me for it!"

I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days, I could sit there, and listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face! And they'd say, "How can you stand it?" And I'd say, "Because I've been with Del Griffith, I can take anything!" Y'know what they'd say? They'd say, "I know what you mean, shower curtain ring guy...whoa!" It's like going on a date with a Chatty-Kathy doll. I expect you to have a string on your chest that you pull out and have to snap back. Except I wouldn't pull it out and snap it back, you would! Dyah dyah dyah dyah!

And, you know, when you're telling these little stories, here's a good idea: have a point. It makes it makes it so much more interesting for the listener!

[slickpoppa]

[ QUOTE ]
You're no saint. You got a free cab, you got a free room - and someone who'll listen to your boring stories! Didn't you notice on the plane when you started talking, eventually I started reading the vomit bag? Didn't that give you some sort of clue, like maybe this guy's not enjoying it?

You know, not everything is an anecdote, you have to discriminate! You choose things are funny or mildly amusing! You're a miracle! Your stories have none of that! They're not even amusing accidentally! "Honey, I'd like you to meet Del Griffith, he's got some amusing anecdotes for ya! And, oh, here's a gun so you can blow your brains out, you'll thank me for it!"

I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days, I could sit there, and listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face! And they'd say, "How can you stand it?" And I'd say, "Because I've been with Del Griffith, I can take anything!" Y'know what they'd say? They'd say, "I know what you mean, shower curtain ring guy...whoa!" It's like going on a date with a Chatty-Kathy doll. I expect you to have a string on your chest that you pull out and have to snap back. Except I wouldn't pull it out and snap it back, you would! Dyah dyah dyah dyah!

And, you know, when you're telling these little stories, here's a good idea: have a point. It makes it makes it so much more interesting for the listener!

[/ QUOTE ]

From the same movie:

- You can start by wiping that [censored] dumb-ass smile off your rosy [censored] cheeks. And you can give a [censored] automobile. A [censored] Buick, a [censored] Datson, a [censored] Toyota . . four [censored] wheels and a seat!
- I really don't care for the way you're speaking to me.
- And I don't really care for the way your company left me in the middle of [censored] nowhere with [censored] keys to a [censored] car that isn't [censored] there. And I really don't care to walk across a [censored] highway and across a [censored] runway just to get back here and have you smile at my [censored] face. I want a [censored] car, right, [censored], now.

[HoldingFolding]

Well, of all the causes to take up, AIDS, cancer... hunger, poverty. I've always felt there was something special about people who commit themselves to guns. Anyone I suppose could contribute to a shelter or help the needy, but it takes a true American to dedicate himself to firearms. And you know what? We need people like you. Our country's getting a bad rep just because we kill each other. Well, that's manly... shooting people. United States, this is were men live. Australia, all their stupid bragging about how tough they are in the outback. They get about... 15 gun homicides a year. What the hell is that? We get ten thousand. The Japanese are even more pathetic. In 1999 for kids between 15 and 19 they didn't have one handgun murder, not one! We had over five thousand! Our teenagers are tough, but it can't happen unless we get the guns out there into their hands and for that we need committed, good people like all of you. Look at these idiots in Washington who think it's wrong for teenagers to have assault rifles. And the stupid Democrats think we should have ten day waiting periods. What happens if you need to kill somebody today? Next thing the government will try to crack down on incest and we won't be able to breed future NRA members. I mean, we are talking about the toothless illiterates that makes this country great. This is America. Get a gun!

[beta1607]

Ricky: You stupid [censored] [censored]. You, Williamson, I'm talking to you, [censored]. You just cost me $6,000. $6,000, and one Cadillac. That's right. What are you gonna do about it? What are you gonna do about it, [censored]? You're [censored] [censored]. Where did you learn your trade, you stupid [censored] [censored], you idiot? Who ever told you that you could work with men?
Detective (Jude Ciccolella): Could I, uh---
Ricky: Oh, I'm gonna have your job, [censored]. I'm going downtown. I'm gonna talk to Mitch and Murray. I'm going to Lemkin! I don't care whose nephew you are, who you know, whose dick you're sucking on, you're going out. I swear to you, you're going--
Detective: Hey, fella, let's get this done.
Ricky: Anyone in this office lives on his wits. I'm gonna be with you in a second. What you're hired for is to help us. Does thot seem clear to you? To help us! Not to [censored] us up! To help men who are going out there to try to earn a living, you fairy. You company man. I'll tell you something else, I hope you ripped the joint off. I can tell our friend here something might help him to catch you. You wanna learn the first rule you'd know if you ever spent a day in your life? You never open your mouth till you know what the shot is. You [censored] child.

link to the audio

[SL__72]

I'm not sure these qualify as rants, but all the gun talk made me think of them:

Turkish: [censored] me, hold tight. What's that?
Tommy: It's me belt, Turkish.
Turkish: No, Tommy. There's a gun in your trousers. What's a gun doing in your trousers?
Tommy: It's for protection.
Turkish: Protection from what? "Zee Germans"?

Bullet Tooth Tony: Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever. They smell pussy and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old pussy, and have brought your two small mincey [censored] balls along for a good old time. But you've got your parties mangled up. There's no pussy here, just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you are having second thoughts. You are shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with ya. The fact that you've got "Replica" written down the side of your gun. (withdraws his gun) And the fact that I've got "Desert Eagle point five O" written on the side of mine, should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... [censored] off.


The bit about feeding dead bodies to pigs was good too, but again, not sure it qualifies.

[PokerBob]

i like the one in "A Few Good Men" where Tom Cruise goes nuts and finishes with the line "Thank you for playing should we or should we not take the advice of the galacticly stupid.