What's the best one-liner you've heard?

[Matt Flynn]

My favorites:

"They were aces when the hand started."

"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill myself."

"I'm a lowfessional."

"I only have so much time to lose these chips."

"You should by a house now so you'll have a place to live when you go broke." (Ray Zee said that to Tommy Angelo, who replied "I have a van.")

What good ones have you heard?

[ripdog]

this one came from a friend who was watching me learn pinochle. I was last to play on a round and mistakenly played an ace when a king would have taken the trick. he told me this: "Hey man, treat the cards like they're a wife--you only have to beat 'em, not kill 'em."

[andyfox]

This was an inaudible one-liner:

I was in the BB and there were three limpers and I checked and the flop came K-x-y and I bet and everyone folded and the dealer pushed me the pot and Tommy Angelo took a little toy police car out of his pocket and rolled it towards me.

[The _Grifter]

The best one liner I heard, was to say the least, very vulgar, but I'll do my best to explain what happened.


...I was playing $20-40 hold'em...5 or 6 handed and this one lady ended up slow playing a hand to trap this older man who was playing on my right.

....When she showed her hand...she said in a sarcastic tone, " Did ya like that " ?......the old guy looks at her and said..." I learned a long time ago NEVER to trust anything that bleeds for a week and lives "......

...Needless to say...we never hear any more sarcastic outbursts from our lady friend. [img]/forums/images/icons/grin.gif[/img]

[bernie]

after being the only aggressor the whole hand, at showdown on player had top 2 pair, the other had an overpair. ( i had a mid pair) no one made a raise or anything...

the guy across from me looked at me and smirked saying, 'ive seen more moves in an Ex-Lax commercial."

another incident....though not necesarily a 'line'....an MP raised, the sb called....flop comes 4 5 6....check bet call...

turn is 2...check, bet, raise, reraise, call...

river....2....bet call

MP showed 73o for a flopped str8, sb showed 42o for a running FH....the MP got amped and they got into how bad each other played. between laughing my ass off and getting back up on my chair, i chimed in, "now thats the classic matchup we've all heard about'..it was one of the funniest post hand debates i had heard...

b

[FREDSKINS]

"This ain't my first rodeo".

First your shoes and then your clothes and then I'll bust your panty hose.

[J_V]

Thats great.

[LondonBroil]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
I was in the BB and there were three limpers and I checked and the flop came K-x-y and I bet and everyone folded and the dealer pushed me the pot and Tommy Angelo took a little toy police car out of his pocket and rolled it towards me.

[/ QUOTE ]

And and and and for god's sake man use a period somewhere!

[Clarkmeister]

But at least our budding Zee Junior is still using capitalization. There may still be hope for master Fox.

[Mikey]

Playing at a home game a complete fish in the game but a great person to make you laugh once in a while.
I am watching him play a hand heads up against another opponnnent.

The flop came Q T 4

The opponnnent bets.
Fish calls.
Turn was a 7
Oponnent bets and fish calls
River A.

Opponnent bets and fish calls.

Opponnent shows a QT for top two pair.
Fish look at his hand nodding his head as if to say, "yeah you got it" he turns over his hand, and he sees his error. He has KJ. He says straight.
Fish was in seat #7


I am in seat #2.
The person to my left (seat #3) and person to my right(seat #1) engage in conversation. The guy on the left says...."he had the straight on the river why didn't he raise?"

The guy on my right says..........with a straight face...

"That's because he was looking for a nine."