I can't look a person in the eye and talk at the same time. WHY?!

[4_2_it]

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Its important to learn how to do this. You are far more persuasive and influential when you can comfortable make eye contact. Of course, you don't do it 10% of the time, but you should be able to do it 50-60% of the time in a conversation.

It has nothing to do with anythingbeing "wrong with you". you just need to practice. Start with someone you know and trust, and work on it from there. The ultimate skill is speaking to a group of people and making eye contact with most/all of them as you speak. You get and keep thier attention much better this way.

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Good advice. I will add that when you are on job interview, many interviewers do look favorably on a candidate that cannot maintain eye contact.

In fact, I have interviewer notes that have something along of the lines of "maintained strong eye contact" followed by "self-assured and confident in abilities". Unless your culture frowns upon it, you need to develop this.

[soko]

Practice

It took me almost 2 years now (i'm 22) to learn to stare unflinching in to the eyes of other people and I would say there is no ability greater in the world for meeting new people (expecially girls)

Here are some drills to practice, keep up with these, it's going to be so hard, hardest thing in your whole life, i was less scared of death than I was of strangers and women. And agian, it may take years depending on your dedication and lifestyle.

For starters you never, EVER want to glance, look, even acknoledge the existance of the ground your walking on and this is doublely important when you are around other people. unless you are trying to avoid stepping on sombodies foot or pick something up. You want to keep your head and chin up and your eyes focused in FRONT of you, at ALL times, this is #1, trust me, whenever you catch yourself looking downwards in any way you need to mentally slap yourself and pick your head up.

You need to start affirming yourself of your own self worth, you need to understand that in this world people only care what you think of them, and in fact, they are so damn busy wondering what you think of them, they they never pay a second to actually think anything about you. If you do the basics (shower, shave, haircut, clean clothes that arent handmedowns from 3 years ago) there is nothing else people will expect of you, you are born the way you are born and looks are hardly as important as effort. if you understand this you will stop feeling insecure about what others think of you.

This trick took me the LONGEST to master but is my #1 tool for picking up women ANYWHERE. When I walk I have a determined grin on my face, I look like whereever I am going it's important, I am important, there is nothing to stop me, now if I see a woman that I find attractive, you look at her, just keep your eyes locked on and you face emotionless, as soon as she sees you staring at her and begins to gaze back, you slowly let her know you are interested by just letting the corner of your mouth creep up and you have to think in your head, like a broken record, slowly replaying in your head "god damn, i would LOVE to take you home and [censored] you", she will KNOW by this look that you are interested in her and if she is in any way interested in being with you she will look down at the ground (remember, who used to be looking at the ground before? the old you, the one who was afraid of what others thought) her glancing at the ground is her mind telling her that she cares what you think of her and is afraid you might dissaprove.

This [censored] WORKS man, trust me.

Any time you meet a new person and reach your hand out to shake you need to lock your eyes, this is crucial, if you shake hands and look away you are being submissive, you are letting the other person know that you are more worried about what they think of you than what you think of them, when the real dominant male only cares of his own opinions of other people.

Practice this [censored] man

Go on the streets and stare people down, you will instantly see who is afraid and who is strong.

That's enough of my rant, I really feel you man, I know exactly where you are coming from and [censored] [censored] can be overcome but it takes a LONG time of not only following the [censored], but more importantly, DONT FORGET, i've been able to stare down any person in the world then went back to sitting alone in my room all day and when I went back out it was like I never learned how to make eye contact, always improve man, just like poker.

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Go on the streets and stare people down, you will instantly see who is afraid and who is strong.



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try this [censored] w/ the wrong person and you will be seriously asking for trouble

[noggindoc]

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This is strange. When I look into someone's eyes, I stare into their soul and determine their hole cards.

That being said, if you are having trouble looking people in the eyes and talking to them, the best way to fix that is through practice. Over a number of days or weeks, gradually increase the number of times and the length of time you spend looking someone in the eyes while talking. This should fix it as you gradually become desensitized to it.

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This is fairly solid advice!

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This trick took me the LONGEST to master but is my #1 tool for picking up women ANYWHERE. When I walk I have a determined grin on my face....

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Must look like a psycho

EXCELLENT advice. Inabality to maintain eye contact is usually a sign of low self-confidence/esteem. You can work on the actual act of making eye contact and train yourself to do it. I believe that training yourself to do it will help your self esteem(if that is your issue) and you will get better at it as your self esteem grows....they kind of go hand in hand.

We read poker books to be better players, so why not relationship books to get better at them. I read a little book a long time ago that I found in a box of stuff from a sales class my dad took...It was called "Skill with People," by Les Giblin(I think). One of the points was that everybody wants acceptance, and if you can focus on giving it to others they will think you are the greatest person. Looking a person in the eyes, nodding your head, smiling, are all little things that show your approval of them. Try also "How to Win Friends and Influence People," by Dale Carnegie...your library will have it.

I've been where you are at and know what you're going through....find the worth in yourself and it will change this and all of your interactions with people. Remember though, true self confidence is along the lines of "Because I feel good about myself, I can help you to feel good about yourself," not "I'm way better than you."

Go through life wearing dark Oakleys

[Poldi]

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It's a common factory error for model RrLOL V.1.00.32

Please return for repairs.

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I really likes this one [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[AA suited]

soko wrote:
"her glancing at the ground is her mind telling her that she cares what you think of her and is afraid you might dissaprove."

really? i would have thought the opposite. her looking away meant that she doesnt want to talk to you? [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

[Ace-Ex]

Well it's a confidence issue. I was noticing this myself yesterday while trying to practice a sales pitch. It's hard to look someone in the eye when you're not sure if what you are saying is the right thing. You gotta assume that the other person has some interest in what you have to say.

Usually you look, make eye contact, the other person looks away, looks back, then you look away and the dance continues for the rest of the conversation. I always get bothered by people who won't look away when they talk to you occassionally--it makes me very uncomfortable. I had a manager who did this and we never communicated effectively. So it can be bad both ways. Men usually communicate better when they aren't looking each other in the eye. I think women use eye contact more often when they communicate.

There's some books that talk about this like Painfully Shy. Might want to check one out at the library.