What are your favorite lines spoken at the table?

[Aukai]

Harrah's New Orleans 6/12, guy to my right appears reasonable, raises and folds an appropriate % of the time. Talks openly about his own strategy to me, mentions something about outs at some point, implying he knows what they are. But then...

Him (after folding on the turn in a large-ish pot): Aww man, I had to fold, I was only double gutted.
Me: Hmm, I think you probably coulda called.
Him: Well, if I was open-ended I would have, but double-gutted I had to fold.
Me: Uhhhhhhh....
Him: Yeah, I'd way rather be open-ended than double-gutted.

[Klepton]

really loud obnoxious guy playing in a 20-40 game...capped preflop heads up, capped flop, 3 bet turn, and one bet river...ragged board...he shows KK opponent shows AA...

He shows his hand and says,

"It's like meeting the girl of your dreams, taking her up to your room, you get naked and find out she's got a bigger dick than yours."

i couldn't help but smile

[duckhook]

I was playing at a 20/40 table that included a man who called every hand and went to the river. He did win some huge pots but of course was loosing steadily and was great for the game. He had not missed playing a hand in over an hour.

It was his turn to act pre-flop but he was busy with a cocktail waitress. A player who had suffered a bad beat at the hands of this calling station was irritated and urged him to hurry up.

A calm older gentleman advised in a very deliberate voice, "Give him a chance, he might play this hand".

[memphis_aces]

Free NL Bar Tourney (so this is to be expected...but still funny)

Redneck Woman with huge hair Raises UTG....
Folded around to solid regular who pushes....she calls quickly
He turns over KK (he had her covered)
She smiles really big and turns over J [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]4 [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

Everyone at the table busts out laughing until she flops 2 pair. I commented that she got pretty lucky there and she perks up, almost angrily...

"the hell it was, I watch a LOT of poker on TV and that's a great play. Those suited cards make a flush at least 50% of the time."

I didn't know what to say... Everyone's jaws just dropped and fell silent

She was out of the tourney within 20 minutes of that hand.

[shakingspear]

Borgata 2-4 the other night:

Lady 1: A flush beats everything, right?

Lady 2: No, a royal flush beats everything. Then 4 of a kind. Then a straight flush. Then a flush.

[nsj]

Just had this one, playing run-of-the-mill low limit HE on UB.

I raise in MP with AhKh, called by a calling station who limped before me.

Flop comes K-high, he bets, I raise, HU to the blank turn, he bets again, I just call, A on the river, he checks, I bet, he calls, and flips over 8cKc (no club draw).

In the chat box:

him: nice bit of help there on the river.
me: ?? i had you beat the whole way.
him: only the kicker initially.

[Russ McGinley]

I hate it when morons catch cards left and right and think they are good. One guy at the table today played every hand and probably took down half a dozen large pots within an hour with such trash as J4, 64, J3, etc. He was also constantly chatting like he knew the game, but then made this awesome comment:

"I always play when I get dealt a deuce, because one time, I folded a deuce, and two of them hit the flop."

Of course this braniac took a lot of my chips busting my QQ with J4o and AA with Q5o.

And of course two women sat down and constantly explained every single hand they had and their thinking on every street. "Well I had an inside straight so I had to call the flop, then I had to call the turn, but then I missed on the river and I had fold." EVERY HAND.

[pipster]

One that happened last night at a local bar tourney. Flop is Q/Q/rag, turn is a Q, river is a rag.

Player 1 turns up Q/7 for quad's.
Player 2 turns up AA for the boat.

Both players look at the pot in confusion until finally one of them asks "Which one of us wins".

I laughed for awhile on this one.

[manik]

I was playing in a Party 1/2 limit game, and got a full house against the other guy's diamond flush.

him: A full house beats a flush?
me: only the diamond flush.
him: really? what's so special about a diamond flush?
me: well, it's the lowest suit, that's why it loses
him: oh, ok

[Percula]

Live NL MTT at the Fort in PHX last night...

Last hand of the rebuy period, I am in the BB with 36s. Two tight players limp in UTG and UTG+1, MP limps and the button and SB are now in too, close to a family pot. Who am I not to see a free flop.

Flop comes 245 giving me the nut straight. SB checks, I check, and UTG pushes all-in for about 2500, UTG+1 thinks for a minute and pushes all-in for about 4500, everyone folds around to me and everyone expects me to fold too. Of course I call much to the UTG and UTG+1 shock and surprise and UTG flips over 44 and UTG+1 flips over 55 and anncounces "Yes! set over set, what do you have two's?" and I say "nope the nuts" and flip the straight over. Neither improve their hands and are busted the last hand before the add-on.

UTG+1 is totally pissed off and so is UTG. UTG+1 stands up and looks at me and says in a very loud voice, almost yelling, "How the hell can you play 36! You must be the worst player I have ever seen!" Too which the UTG player joins her in her opinion of my poker skills. A funny old player that was in the SB stands up and yells at them to "Shut up and sit down, you are both morons, he was in the BB and checked!", too which UTG+1 shots back "I wouldn't play that hand for free!", to which I mention that "That's too bad, because I did and look what happened!". I was laughing so hard I thought I was going to crack a rib or something. Both decided that it wasn't their night and left bitching and complaining all the way out.