My typical day

[FishNChips]

[ QUOTE ]

the guy who told you to play after your kids go to sleep and sleep 5 hours a night is a boob.

[/ QUOTE ]

yeah, that would be me. Except I never told her to sleep 5 hours a night. I told her what my wife and I were doing in our situation. I said several times that she should try to play at night but never said that sleeping 5 or 6hours was a good idea. I also told her that she was free to do as she chooses and that I didn't think she was a bad mom or anything, but I disagree with her use of daycare.

Bottom line : she asked for input and got some (both in support and opposed to her current plan).

I also think that at the end of our posts to one another there was a general sense of respect between the two of us. I could be wrong.

A large portion of the vitriol (from both sides by the way) came during the night shift.

FishNChips

[Mempho]

Why are you unable to play the primetime shift more often? What goes on until 9pm? Is your husband unable to take care of your child three nights a week so that you can fit most of your play into this time....or does your husband play every night during this block?

[krimson]

I think the daycare argument going back and forth here is very black and white. Here is a useful website about daycares, that seems to be reprsentative of either side.

http://www.saferchild.org/daycarefaq.htm

Not everyone has the option or constitution to be a stay-at-home parent. But experts say - and Safer Child tends to agree - that staying at home for some or all of the first three years is generally better for the child. No matter how lousy a parent you feel you are, your child has a powerful and innate longing to be with you and to know that you want to be with him or her.

Personally, I think you have the option to be spending more time with your child, but you are playing poker instead. It seems that your priorities are a bit messed up. The good thing about playing poker for a living is the flexibility. There is no reason you can't have your kid at home, find a pre-school or similar environment to put him in a couple times of week, for a few hours, and get your poker in then, or while he's sleeping, etc etc. Plus, if you're playing 8 hours a day of 10/20, you should be making waaay more than 20k a year.

Also, I wouldn't be surprised if your husband resents the situations. Your a stay at home Mom, but skipping out the "Mom" part.

[WarBus]

My 2 cents:

There is no reason to feel guilty about playing cards.

I understand the need for day care. Spending 7 days a week with a small child can drive anyone loopy so time away is actually beneficial.

The benfit of poker is that you can play whenever you want and if you are even a moderate winner 4 tabling can bring in a fair amount of money. 20 hours a week as a 1 BB winner is $800. Not bad for a part time job.

They key is how to make the most of your freedom. Maybe send your child to day care 3 days a week and adjust your poker time.

Example:

Monday:
Day care, 3 hours afternoon poker. 3 hours evening poker.

Tuesday:
Kid stays home. Evening poker optional.

Wednesday:
Day care, 3 hours afternoon poker. No poker so you can watch Lost.

Thursday:
Kid stays home. Evening poker optional.

Friday:
Day care, 3 hours afternoon poker. 3 hours evening poker.

Saturday:
Kid stays home. 3 hours evening poker.

Sunday:
Kid stays home. Evening poker optional.

18 hours of poker. Use the optional nights to make up the 2 hours plus any times where you take an afternoon or a poker night off.

Total:
20 hours of poker. Lots of free time with your child and husband. Enough time away from your child to keep you sane. Enough evenings free for the possiblity of a night out with your husband. A decent part time job with a very flexible schedule. A good paycheck even after the cost of daycare.


Warbus

Note:
I have my 2 kids (6 & 9) 5 months a year. Poker is my only source of income. I play about 70 - 80 hours a month when I have them and 100 when I don't. My kids are older and a little more adept at entertaining themselves plus my girlfriend (does not work) takes care of their needs/questions during my afternoon sessions. The amount of time I have to take them places and do things with them is amazing.

[theben]

no way. this is great stuff. take care of the kids and play some poker on the side to earn a little extra spending cash. this way, you get to spend the mazimum time with your family and still earn a little extra money to help out

[OrianasDaad]

Seven and a half years ago, when my daughter was born, my wife and I started working alternate shifts to keep her out of daycare. I worked at night, and she during the day. We didn't see much of each other, that's for sure! I started playing poker full time during her first-grade year. I don't play during the summer. It's working out pretty well.

The few times she had to go to a daycare provider, she went to the "neighborhood lady" who watched my brother and sister every day growing up. She's family. Cheap too. We still vist her from time to time.

The other time she went to a daycare provider was when my wife got a job with one. My wife quit after a short stint there, for various reasons. I won't go into detail, but it was the experience that proved to my wife that day-care was not a good option.

Long story short - kids grow up fast. While discussing your situation with my wife, we decided that there will come a time when Oriana (that's our daughter) isn't as interested in hanging out with her parents anymore. We want to get in as much time with this amazing person while we can.

As far as social interaction, school will provide ample opportunity for that. These years are for you to instill a set of core values for your child. Don't give up this right.

As far as increased learning, I can only say that my daughter (2nd grade) reads at about a 4th grade level, and is at the top of her class in almost all subjects. She attends a private school.

[ QUOTE ]
I sometimes feel guity spending all my time playing cards instead of doing some real work.

[/ QUOTE ]

Check your premises. There's a reason that you feel guilty for sending your child to daycare so you can do something that you don't consider as "real work". Once you understand where this feeling comes from, then you'll have a better time making your decision.

These years cannot be regained.

[Zetack]

I'm somewhat skeptical of day care, although I'm sure there are some good one's out there. Pre-school, however, I feel is so valuable that even full-time stay at home parents ought to consider sending their kids. They do, however, tend to run 4-5 hours a day, not all day.

Let me throw my biasis out there though, cause they may have an affect on my opinion. My Mom was a stay at home Mom who didn't start working till I was a teen. But she thought so highly of pre-school that she actually helped to found one so I could go. (She'd been unable to find a montossori type program in our area when I was a kid and thought that was an important type of experience). and she was really commmitted to being a full time Mom. Educators run in my family and I have a huge bias towards that kind of thing.

I have a stepdaughter in kindergarden. My wife pur her in pre-school when she got divorced, the Grandparent's picked her up after pre-school and kept her till my wife got off work. When my wife moved in with me and quit her job, we made the conscious decision to keep sending her to pre-school because we thought it was so valuable. My wife did sub at the preschool and probably ended up being there once a week or so, including sometimes in our daughter's class so there was some interaction there.

Results? According to her kindergarden teacher she's the most advanced in her class in pretty much all areas. She blows me away with what she can do, writing, reading, math, computer skills... She's also bright, curious, full of life and energy--pretty much downright wonderful (OK, for you parents, yes of course she is five, she has the temper tantrums, the whines the...well you know the list--just like every other five year old). Now she's an incredibly bright kid, but pre-school was a very imortant part of her development, and for an only kid the social interaction just can't be overstated.

I also like pre-school, because many parents seem to be absolutely clueless when it comes to raising kids. My wife is now full time at the pre-school and its simply unbelievable what some of these parents think and do. Give the kid a little early sanity in their lives at pre-school eh?

Anyway, I'm skeptical of day care generally, as I said. And the joy of poker is the incredible flexibility it offers. If I were the OP I think I'd strive for a little more balance. Try a pre-school, have the child home a little more and then juggle the playing time so you still get the hours in that you need.

Just my take on it.

--Zetack