CAN YOU PASS JOEY'S TEST?

HEY SCUM,


WHAT'S UP WITH POKER WRITER'S OBSESSION WITH MAKING TESTS AND QUIZZES? JOEY'S ALREADY LET YOU KNOW THE TRUTH- YOU ARE ALL PATHETIC DEGENERATE GAMBLERS WHO WILL EVENTUALLY LOSE ALL YOUR MONEY. BUT, SINCE YOU PIGS SEEM TO NEED THESE TESTS, HERE'S JOEY'S TEST: DO YOU PLAY POKER? IF YOU ANSERED "YES", THEN YOU ARE A PATHETIC DEGENERATE GAMBLER WHO WILL EVENTUALLY LOOSE ALL YOUR MONEY. THERE, THAT SHOULD SETTLE IT. I RECENTLY MET UP WITH ONE OF THESE TEST MAKERS, ROLF "ACE" SLOTBOOM IN A BELLAGIO GAME. AS THE CARDS WERE BEING DEALT, I MADE A REQUEST TO THE DEALER, "HEY, MINIMUM WAGE EARNER, GIVE ME A PAIR IN THE HOLE". I LOOK DOWN AND SEE THREE THREE. THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH TO WIN UNIMPROVED. SLOTBOOM RAISES FIRST IN IN MIDDLE POSITION. I'M ON HIS IMMEDIATE LEFT AND THREE BET THE GREASER. SOME OF THE OTHER PLAYERS HAVE EXPERIENCED JOEY'S THREE BETS AND FOLD OUT OF TURN. SLOTBOOM FOUR BETS AND I SMOOTH CALL. THE FLOP IS QUEEN QUEEN FIVE. SLOTBOOM BETS. I RAISE. HE RERAISES. I CALL. THE TURN COMES A NINE. HE BETS. I CALL. I FIGURE A RAISE WILL JUST MAKE HIM FOLD SO I PREFER TO LET HIM THROW HIS MONEY AWAY. THE RIVER IS A FOUR. HE BETS. I RAISE. HE THINKS FOR A MOMENT AN CALLS. WHAT AN IDIOT. I SHOW MY THREE THREE AND HE SCREAMS "HOW CAN YOU TAKE SO MUCH HEAT WITH A BABY PAIR IN THE HOLE?" I CALMLY SAY "WELL, ALL YOU'VE GOT IS ACE JACK SUITED SO I HAD YOU DOMINATED." HE DOESN'T SHOW HIS CARDS BUT THE LOOK IN HIS EYES LET ME KNOW. THEN HIS EYES GET A DIFFERENTLY LOOK. HE GETS ENRAGED AND GRABS A CANE FROM AN ELDERLY MAN AT THE TABLE. HE STARTS BEATING ME DOWN WITH IT. WHILE I'M HALF CONCIOUS, HE STRIPS ME NAKED. IT'S DELICATE TIME. HE BEGAN PERPETRATING A CARNAL ACT ON ME. BUT, HE NOT ONLY USED HIS YOU-KNOW-WHAT BUT ALSO USED THE CANE ON ME AS WELL. HE EVEN VIOLATED ME WITH HIMSELF AND THE CANE AT THE SAME TIME. IT WAS AT THIS MOMENT THAT HE SAID "ARE YOU ENJOYING THE HEAT WITH THIS PAIR IN THE HOLE?" NEVERTHELESS, I HAD A PAIR OF HIS STACKS TO CASH IN. SEE YA AND WOULDN'T WANT TO BE YA, YOU FAT HUMPS.