Diesel's Caribbean Cruise Trip Report - Page 3

Shajen · #21 06-29-2005, 03:51 PM

the Diesel needs to finish this.

2+2 wannabe · #22 06-29-2005, 04:26 PM

if i know diesel (which i don't) he will finish it today

Rick Diesel · #23 06-29-2005, 06:18 PM

Day Three – Sunday – Day at Sea

We woke up at 9:00 and head up to the buffet for some breakfast. We notice and Big E and the Mrs. are up there eating already, so we join them. Being experienced cruisers, they warn us that the days at sea seem very long, so it may be a good idea to get limited sun exposure. That would probably be a good idea, if we don’t get too drunk to remember it.

Around 10:00 we find I nice spot up on the deck next to all of our friends and set up shop for the day. Once again, I will be sunning my pasty white body in an attempt to turn it into a slightly less pasty white body. Around 10:30 Sting shows up on deck carrying the largest Listerine bottle I have ever seen. Immediately I think to myself, “Wow, you could fit a whole lot of alcohol in that bottle.” As I proceed to gaze down at the bottle, I realize that the liquid inside the bottle is clear, as opposed to the blue or green color that mouthwash normally is. Sting then tells me that there is no mouthwash in the bottle. Instead there is two bottles of Bacardi 151 inside. The funny thing is, he probably could have fit 5 or 6 bottles worth in it. I wish I would have thought of something this smart before we left, and then I spend 5 minutes scolding Sting for not letting me in on the secret before we got on the ship. Yes, you read that correctly, I was yelling at my best friend’s dad for not letting me in on his alcohol smuggling secrets.

It became a solid routine for the rest of the week that everytime you would see Sting up on deck, he would have the Listerine bottle with him. It was funny to see the looks that he would get walking around deck carrying it, but he sure played it up.

Anyway, perhaps the most amusing part of the trip came during this morning. Myself, KK, Big E, Sting, SHU, and Whiplash all decide to head up and ride the waterslide. If I would describe Sting, he is probably in his mid-50s, but in extremely good shape. He still plays basketball with my friends and I, and can hold his own. Sting goes down the slide first, and has no problems. SHU decides to go down the slide next. Here is the running commentary for SHU’s trip down the waterslide:

Big E: Wow he got off to a slow start.
KK: What the hell is he doing?
Diesel: Is he stuck?
Whiplash: I think he is stuck.
KK: I wonder if it has something to do with his shorts.
Diesel: What?
KK: He is not wearing swim trunks.
KK: They are like cut-off jogging pants.
Little Kid waiting in line: Look everyone, the fat guy got stuck!
Everyone: LOL, LOL, ROFL, LOL
Whiplash: Look at his face, I think he has to take a wicked crap.

So SHU ended up having to basically pull himself down the slide with his hands while he sat there. I am 100% sure that I cannot possibly describe how funny this was, it was one of those times that you really had to be there to enjoy the full beauty of it. Needless to say I heckled him the rest of the week about the slide incident, trying my best to get him to go down again, but with no success. Also note that we rode the slide at least once a day for the rest of the week and did not see a single other person struggle to get down even the slightest bit.

We were able to limit our drinking during the long day in the sun, because the Captain’s Cocktail Party was before dinner tonight where they would be handing out free drinks for an hour and a half. We decided that we would take full advantage of this, and make them regret the decision to give us anything for free, particularly those with alcoholic content.

We headed back to the room around 3:30 and dressed up in our finest, as the dinner tonight was formal dress. At 4:30 we all met up in the hallway and headed to Dub H, the home of the Captain’s Cocktail Party. Upon arriving at Dub H, we were greeted by a waiter with a tray full of various drinks. The six youngsters (myself, Mrs. D, Big E, Mrs. Big E, KK, and Whiplash) all grabbed a Whiskey Sour and found a nice table. I then informed the waiter that if he could have this entire table covered end to end with Whiskey Sours within 10 minutes, I would give him $20. He quickly agreed, and hustled his ass off to get as many drinks made as possible during this time. The table was probably big enough to hold 40 drinks on it, but as he was bringing them over, we were consuming them at a rapid pace. Once the ten minutes had passed, the table was almost completely covered. I gave him the $20, but he did not stop until the entire table was covered. I have pictures to prove this, and they will be posted once I can figure out how to do that (along with the other pictures that many of you have been waiting on).

By the time we got to dinner, I was [censored] up. I drank so much during the cocktail party that I was having trouble walking straight. Anyway, we get to dinner and I see the filet mignon on the menu. I order two, because I am a pig. It was definitely the best meal of the trip, although some others came close.

After dinner we head back to the room for a while so that the Mrs. and I can pass out. The show tonight was something gay that neither of us really had any interest in, so we figured some sleep would be good. We woke up around 10:00 and headed up to the casino to meet up with everyone else. During dinner, I was so drunk that I barely noticed, but apparently one of the waiters was talking to Whiplash for a while, and told her that he would be working in the Dub H later and we should come check it out. As we meet up with everyone in the casino, Whiplash tells us that she wants to go to Dub H to meet her new friend, and we should all go because he really likes her and she can probably score some free drinks.

As we get to Dub H, we go straight to the bar and I order 6 of whatever the hell the shot special of the day was. As always, I am flirting with the female bartender who is from India (There were a total of 4 people on the ship the entire time that I saw that were from the U.S. All four were dancers. All four were HAWT!). I ask the bartender what here name is, and being that it was really loud in the club, all I could here was something that sounded like Pedro.

Now I am sure many of you will not like me for what I am about to detail, but I was extremely drunk pretty much the entire trip, and I don’t care anyway. So, I say to KK, “Hey, she told me her name was Pedro.” KK then says “Yeah, I bet there is a lot of Pedro’s on this ship.” I then decide that from this point on, anyone who’s skin color was not white shall be referred to as Pedro for the entire rest of the trip. While this tactic did annoy some people (Mrs. Diesel), it also made for high entertainment for others (basically everyone else).

So anyway, Whiplash meets up with the waiter that she was talking to at dinner. He proceeds to bring us drinks. Whiplash had stated that we might be able to get some free drinks, but what we ended up getting was ALL DRINKS FREE! That’s right, we drank for free at dinner and at Dub H for the rest of the week. Unfortunately this waiter did not work on the deck at all, which would have just been waaaaay to convenient. Anyway, I quickly lose count of how much I have drank for the rest of the week, because when they are free, they go down quick. And when they are free, somehow they even taste better. And when they are free…..wait, did I mention they were free?

Anyway, we all rip it all night and pretty much get tanked beyond the point of all recognition. At some point during the night my wife tells Whiplash that she thinks she is sooooo beautiful. I say to the Mrs., “Is this your way of inviting her for a threesome?” She quickly punches me in the arm and tells me to quit being a pervert. Damn it, I really thought I had a chance there. Probably about a one in a million chance, but a chance none the less. So we all head out to the dance floor. By now Big E and his wife have called it a night, but me, Mrs. D., KK, and Whiplash are ruling the dance floor. Ruling until the conga line started anyway. Mrs. D. somehow ends up stepping on someone’s foot in the conga line and sprains her ankle. I have to give her a piggy back ride back to the room, and we put some ice on it and I tell her we will check it out tomorrow. It is about 2:30 am when we finally pass out for the night.

The next episode will include full details of the ghetto also known as Belize, the shuffleboard championships of the world, and how I almost had to lay the smack down on some little bitch who was mad that I was staring at his wife’s fake boobs.

Rick Diesel