So I Kicked an Old Lady to the Curb Tonite (long)

[radek2166]

I got a hard on reading this

[FoxwoodsFiend]

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Sorry for the length, but I have to get this off my chest.

We hosted a dinner tonite for 3 other couples and their kids for the kids to exchange gifts and decorate Christmas cookies, and for the adults to hang out, drink and bitch about the Lions. Each couple has two kids ranging from 4 months to 4 years old (ours are 2.5 and 5 months).

While we were getting ready earlier tonite, one of our friends calls and asks if it would be OK if they brought their grandma who decided to come to visit a day earlier than planned. Now this is the type of lady who has no filter between her brain and her mouth, especially as it relates to parenting/kid issues. She constantly comments about having better ways to raise kids, cook, keep your house and generally live your life (including to my buddy and his wife). We've had dinner with her a couple of times in the past, and while I'm generally a pretty laid back guy, I hate this old hag. I've talked to my buddy about my dislike of her (its his wife's grandmother) in the past, and he can barely tolerate her, nor can the wife, but they are her only family (the wife's mom died two years ago). My wife is a softie and says fine since otherwise she'd be at their house all by herself.

Fast forward to tonite, and before dinner, we had some chips and salsa and cheese and crackers for appetizers. Not knowing that she has a restricted diet (and also not knowing that she would be there), we didnt have any appetizers that fit her dietary "needs". She proceeds to tell us about a dinner party that she hosted where she ran to the store 10 minutes before dinner was to be served because someone was allergic to something she was serving, because that's what good hosts do. I'm starting to get pissed at this point, but whatever, its Christmas and I'm in a jolly mood (except for the Lions sucking). At the same time, we offer her a glass of wine, but apparently she's a wine snob and our Kendall Jackson isnt good enough for her. She says "Do you have any bottles of wine that cost more than $10? No? Hmpf, I'll have water." My mood is souring and I'm about to kill Grandma and my friends at this point, but I let it go.

While we were appetizing, we had the kids decorate some sugar cookies with frosting and sprinkles. Obviously with kids under 4, this becomes a big mess, but the kids are having fun, so whatever. One of the kids (not ours) takes his frosting laden cookie and rubs it in his brother's face (which most of us thought was funny), and Grandma starts commenting to the parents about how they need to teach their kids better manners and she would be embarrased if her kids did that. I immediately shoot a look at my buddy and get him in the other room. I tell him that if he cant get Grandma under control, I'm going to lose it. He promises to have his wife talk to her. Fine, I'm feeling better since I said something now, and hopefully she will be less of a beeyatch for the rest of the night.

We sit down for dinner (pizza and pasta for the adults, hot dogs, PBJ and chicken nuggets for the kids), but again this doesnt mesh with grandma's dietary needs. We end up cooking her a bowl of soup and some crackers because that's all she can find in the pantry that works for her. Again the same story about running out to the store 10 minutes before her dinner party, and I'm getting pissed again.

Dinner progresses nicely otherwise until my 2.5 year old son announces that he's done and wants to get down from his booster to open his presents. We tell him to wait until everyone is finished, but he doesnt like that answer and throws his kid-fork down the table. It ends up near grandma's soup bowl (but doesnt hit it or spill any soup). My wife takes him from the table for a "discussion", and grandma again makes a comment about manners. At this point I had enough, and I tell her "You know what, grandma, he's 2, so we cant expect him to be an angel all the time. I know you think that you were a parent extraordinaire, but I'd really appreciate it if you could keep your comments to yourself." I felt that I needed to say something but didnt want to be totally rude since she was my friends' grandma. I get a nasty sneer and no comment back from her, and the rest of dinner is fine because she doesnt say anything else.

After dinner, we let the kids open their presents. While they were playing, my 2.5 year old takes one of the toys from my buddy's kid (typical kid stuff). Grandma's on the other side of the room and I hear her say to the wife, not too softly I might add since almost everyone stopped, "No wonder that kid is so poorly behaved with the way his father (me) acts".

At this point, I've lost it completely (not to mention I've got 6 beers in me). Without saying a word, I go to the closet and get her purse and coat. I return, toss them on her lap, and say "Get the hell out of my house you ungrateful, rude old bat. We have you over to our house and all you do is insult us and our friends. Here's your stuff, there's the door. Out."

Now she gives me the "I never..." comment and she starts crying, but my buddy grabs the kids, his wife gets grandma and they leave without saying too much else. The rest of the couples had a pretty good laugh about it once they left (since apparently she had commented on everyone at least once that night) and the rest of the night was fine. I felt pretty bad for my friends, but I had enough (and I know that her comments had embarrased my buddy and his wife too) so something needed to be done.

I called my buddy a few minutes ago, and I apologized to him and his wife. He said things were cool with us (and the wife), but grandma went into her room right when they got home and hasnt come out. I'm pretty sure I wont see her again (nor will I apologize to her), but right now I'm not too broken up about it. I so feel like Jihad right now.

Sorry again for the long post, but I had to vent.

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This is a sweet story. Could do without the little "Lions suck" flourish, but other than that well-done.

[Yobz]

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old people suck. nice work.

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[FoxwoodsFiend]

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http://cgi.ebay.com/Buy-my-NFL-fan-loyal...1QQcmdZViewItem

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For nearly 25 years I have been a loyal Detroit Lions fan. But one fan can only take so much loosing. The 2005 season began with excitement that the franchise had finally built a solid team. However its been proven that solid talent will not give a team a winning season. To recap...

The Lions won their first game against division rival Green Bay (17-3), but were humiliated by the Bears in the second game (38-6). The Lions then lost a close game to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers after a seemingly game winning touchdown was reviewed and controversially reversed (17-13). However, the Lions went to 2-2 after a win against the Baltimore Ravens (35-17). After a last-second loss to the Carolina Panthers (21-20), Jeff Garcia was named the starting quarterback, and he led the Lions to a 13-10 win over Cleveland in Week 7. However the Lions went into week 8 and lost to the Bears once again. Garcia threw a heartbreaking interception in OT which the Bears returned for a TD (19-13). The next week, the Lions had high hopes as Joey Harrington was reinserted as the starter vs. the troubled Minnesota Vikings. However the Lions went down early and lost 27-14. The Lions did get a 29-21 win in week 10 against the Arizona Cardinals. However, losses to the Dallas Cowboys, 20-7, and the Atlanta Falcons on Thanksgiving, 27-7, pushed their regular season record to 4-7. As a result, head coach Steve Mariucci was fired a few days later on November 28, and Dick Jauron was named interim head coach. Why Matt Millen was not fired still remains a mystery. After the release of Mariucci, Cornerback Dré Bly, placed the blame on Harrington, saying that "he [Harrington] had been there for 4 years and had not done anything for the team. (finally someone speaks the truth!)" Bly later apologized for his statement. (why apologize for the truth?)

Things only got worse for the Lions. They lost their Week 13 home game to the Minnesota Vikings 27-7 and then dropped to 4-9 with a Week 14 road loss at Lambeau Field in overtime 16-13 to the Green Bay Packers. To loose to a team that was 2-10 just hurts. And now its time for a change...

I'm selling my fan loyalty National Football League fan to the highest bidder.

As the winner of this auction I will become a fan for the NFL team of your choice!

The winning bidder will get to pick my new favorite NFL team. For a term of 2 years I will be a dedicated and loyal fan to the team of your choice. Regardless of their wins or losses I will remain faithful as a fan and cheer under good times and bad. (its can't be any worse than being a Lions fan)

My promise to the winner of this auction naming my new favorite NFL team is:

* I'll watch televised games and cheer proudly for my new favorite team
* I will discuss my new team with co workers after the Sunday or Monday game (regardless win/ loose)
* Any and all NFL apparel I purchase will now be that of my new favorite team
* When that team plays my once favorite Lions I will attempt to purchase tickets to that game and cheer for my new favorite team
* If bidding exceeds $100 I will immediately purchase the jersey of my new favorite team to be worn on Football Sundays/ Monday night games
* If my new favorite team makes it to the Super Bowl I will host a party in honor of my new favorite team
* Finally and most importantly I promise to be dedicated, loyal and committed to my new favorite team

Post this auction, if General Manager- Matt Millen is FIRED I will immediately refund 50% of the closing auction price to you. I would still remain a #1 fan of my new team but just be happy that some justice has been served in Detroit to all of the other loyal fans. The winner of this auction reserves all rights to name my new favorite team, if they wish to choose the Detroit Lions as my continued favorite team there will be a service charge of $5 charged for emotional distress and suffering.

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So tempted to make him root for the Texans or Cardinals...too bad I wouldn't get to see him suffer.

[Boris]

you're a dick. you should have just made fun of her instead of kicking her out. you really embarrassed your friend and his wife.

[shant]

You should've called her a cab so your friends could stay and kick it.

[SammyKid11]

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grandpas dont seem to suck as bad.


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My grandpa asked me "So have you <censored> a girl yet?" this summer when my parents were temporarily out of the room.

I looked up, said "Excuse me?!" he said "What?" and i went back to watching TV. It was kind of awkward

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Can't believe you blew this opportunity. Go back to him and ask for stories of his conquests -- sounds like they're probably a lot more interesting than anything that's happened to you.

FWIW (to everyone in general)...old people don't suck. SOME old people suck just like some younger people suck. My grandpa is a cool mo'fucka. Took him 'til he was 21 to graduate HS because he had to take off each fall and spring to run the family farm that fed his mom, dad, and four siblings...fought in WWII, came home, worked his ass off, married my grandmother, raised a family, stayed in the reserves, invested wisely, made tons of dough, is the patriarch of the family, and above all...tells great stories!!!!!! He's lived life and has lots of wisdom. Sure, some of his wisdom is seen on the surface to be out-of-date...but dig a little deeper and there's something there to learn. More often, his stories are hilarious and make me have no doubt that his was truly "The Greatest Generation." If you've got a grandparent or older relative like that and you do not soak up their experience, then you have no excuses for the dumbassed mistakes you'll make in your life.

Now, as for the OP -- quite right. You act like a bitch in my home toward my wife and kids and friends...EVENTUALLY, I'm gonna kick you to the curb, too...no matter what age, gender, race, or sexual orientation you happen to be. Nicely played and a good read.

[4_2_it]

Your friend showed he had no balls by not telling grandma to stay home and watch a movie because he was going to a party with friends. Instead he decides to share grandma's reign of terror with his friends.

You did what any reasonable adult would have done. You gave grandma several hints and warnings and when she ignored them you asked her to leave.

The only thing missing from this fine story is a Milwaukee Best can falling on your p-whipped friend's head.

[RunDownHouse]

Here is a dramatic recreation of the events depicted in the OP.

Video (20-30 secs)

[WLVRYN]

For those that care, here is the update. I went to the Lions game with my buddy yesterday. Other than the phone call late Friday night, I hadnt talked to him before the game. No comment about the game other than I was disappointed in that I thought there would be a lot more orange there (though I did like the march around the stadium beforehand).

I guess she finally came out of her room on Saturday morning, and just kind of played it off as if nothing had happened. Wife/granddaughter (who it turns out had not spoken to grandma like I had asked before the incident) told her that she acted like a bitch and daughter was embarrased since both other couples were somewhat insulted/bothered by grandma's behavior also. Grandma apologized to the wife and said that she was feeling a little depressed being the holidays and all, but declined to call and apologize to me because I was "rude" to her, and said that she would like to not ever see me again (shocking, I know). Oh well, no skin off my teeth since I dont have to hang with her old bat-ass again. We have another party on Thursday night with the same group of friends, which I have been told grandma is not invited to.

RDH - That is sweet. I could have used him on Friday.