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#1
02-04-2005, 03:33 PM
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crotch combat: game theory
For those of your who either are not men, or haven't been kicked in
the crotch, or haven't been kicked in the crotch for a long enough period of time as to not remember what it feels like: you are lucky (except for those of you who are not men). Your your benefit, I'll explain exactly what happens when a guy gets kicked there. First you feel an uncomfortable pressure, then briefly blinding pain, then numbness. This numbness lasts for about 5-10 seconds, long enough for you to mentally adjust to the fact that you've been kicked there. After that 10 seconds has elapsed, you feel the True Pain, and fall over, incapacitated, for a few minutes while you recover. The funny thing is that during the period of numbness, you think to yourself, "Well, that wasn't so bad." It's bad. Trust me. But it leads me to a point: whatever you're going to do to a person after they kick you in the nuts, you've got 10 seconds, and 10 seconds only, to do it. I have a buddy that outweighs me, out-muscles, and could basically pick me up and drop me on my head. He's kind enough not to do it too regularly, though. One day we were discussing what would happen in a fight between us. We came up with roughly what would happen: 1) My buddy would become very angry, and make a move towards me. 2) I'm fast, so I would kick him in the groin before he could drop me on my head. 3) He would fall down, and I would celebrate. 4) The numbness period would kick in for him, and he would stand. 5) I would wet myself. 6) He would kick me in the groin. 7) I would fall down. 8) He would kick me a few more times. 9) The numbness period would end for him, and he would fall over. 10) The numbness period would begin for me, and I would stand up. 11) I would start kicking him. 12) I would realize that the numbness period was coming to a close, and try to run away. 13) I'd make it about 2 steps before falling over. 14) We'd be lying on the ground next to eachother, curled up in pain, hitting eachother weakly, like little girls. 15) After this went on for a minute or so, I would realize something horrible. 16) I would begin to plead with my buddy... telling him I'm sorry and such. Asking him to end the fight. 17) His response: "[censored] you, man! I'm getting up first, and when I do, I'm kicking you in the crotch!" I suppose what I'm trying to tell you, is that according to the Game Theory of crotch combat, all else being equal, the person kicked in the crotch first wins. I therefore recommend that as your first step in any physical confrontation you invite your opponent to kick you in the groin. Trust me, you'll win. If that doesn't suit you, wear a cup. 
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#10
04-06-2005, 05:50 AM
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Re: crotch combat: game theory
[ QUOTE ]
*bump* because it's awesome (and was mentioned in OOT). Also, as was mentioned earlier, fold pf. [/ QUOTE ] I should have charged for this info: you have no idea what it cost me to learn. Check out horse-fight some time. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]
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