jobs are important ?

[Chairman Wood]

I know money may be a problem but a shrink/counselor may help.

[gorie]

[ QUOTE ]
I know money may be a problem but a shrink/counselor may help.

[/ QUOTE ]

this isn't a bad idea, i know they are depressed.

but they would just focus on the part that this would cost money that they don't have and would never happen.

[wacki]

I have a friend that is very smart in certain areas, but very dumb in others. He has no emotional control, is very charismatic, and couldn't find the discipline to get through highschool calculus let alone college. He had a job earning 50K a year as a phoneman but hated it. He quit, moved to California and started selling driveways, house remodeling, etc. He loves his new life and seems to be doing very well.

Maybe your friend just needs to mix it up. Or maybe your friend is suffereing from depression. Professional therapy?

[Sephus]

[ QUOTE ]
He quit, moved to California and started selling driveways

[/ QUOTE ]

im in the market for a driveway. can he get me a good deal?

[lucas9000]

i think for me the key to approaching them about this is the debt. being free from debt is freedom...havign a job helps you get rid of debt.

also, it's totally unfair for one party to bear the responsibility of supporting the other. if the deadbeat (for lack of a better term...sorry) really cared about the other, he/she would contribute.

[lucas9000]

[ QUOTE ]
right now they live with someone that supports them but the person supporting them doesn't like this, and doesn't treat them very well because of it.

[/ QUOTE ]

again, this is key. the relationship shoudl be the most important thing. if the slacker is not willing to compromise for the good of the relationship, then both parties should probably go their separate ways.

to me this doesn't boil down to money, it boils down to respect and caring for the person bearing the burden of supporting both.

[gorie]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
right now they live with someone that supports them but the person supporting them doesn't like this, and doesn't treat them very well because of it.

[/ QUOTE ]

again, this is key. the relationship shoudl be the most important thing. if the slacker is not willing to compromise for the good of the relationship, then both parties should probably go their separate ways.

to me this doesn't boil down to money, it boils down to respect and caring for the person bearing the burden of supporting both.

[/ QUOTE ]

i agree...

it can be tough when you're depressed though. i think a lot of it is "if they love me it shouldn't be a big deal" or something, which is bad. but considering "money doesn't equal happiness" it some how makes sense in their confused head.

[lucas9000]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
right now they live with someone that supports them but the person supporting them doesn't like this, and doesn't treat them very well because of it.

[/ QUOTE ]

again, this is key. the relationship shoudl be the most important thing. if the slacker is not willing to compromise for the good of the relationship, then both parties should probably go their separate ways.

to me this doesn't boil down to money, it boils down to respect and caring for the person bearing the burden of supporting both.

[/ QUOTE ]

i agree...

it can be tough when you're depressed though. i think a lot of it is "if they love me it shouldn't be a big deal" or something, which is bad. but considering "money doesn't equal happiness" it some how makes sense in their confused head.

[/ QUOTE ]

i have a very good friend who just recently lost a serious relationship because of this kind of issue. he regrets it every day. i really think that it's tough love time in this situation...lay it all out on the line for the slacker (again, for lack of a better word).

fwiw, this thread would be easier to understand if you'd just given the two people random names, like "mat" and "david." [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[gorie]

[ QUOTE ]
fwiw, this thread would be easier to understand if you'd just given the two people random names, like "mat" and "david." [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

i know, but it's more interesting for me to read responses this way. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[bishopstrt]

Wow that's a horrible spot for you to be in. I'm assuming the person in question is your boyfriend and you're supporting him.

You care about him but you don't treat him well?


I'm pretty sure he knows he should get a job. But if the alternative is living with an understanding girlfriend who supports him what is his motivation? Self respect? I think you should just be real honest with him and explain that enough's enough and you don't intend to support his sorry ass after next month. If you're too nice he'll continue to take advantage.

Depression can sometimes be a good excuse for really bright, really lazy men. I know one or two.