opening to my essay

housenuts · #1 11-15-2005, 12:23 AM

how's this as an opening to my essay that was due 2 weeks ago?

The problem with an advanced society is that with each new development, life becomes easier. Technology enables machines to do work that otherwise would have to be done by manpower. New materials and clothing keep the men and women warm rather than forcing them become accustomed to adverse conditions. Improvements in medicine and the preparation and storage of food create immune systems that are not prepared to deal with the removal of these developments. At the turn of the century Britain was arguably the most advanced nation. One could surmise that this enabled them to lead a relatively easy and luxurious lifestyle. Certainly the hardships they had to go through on a daily basis were less than that of the average Boer of South Africa, or even inhabitants of Canada. This meant that Britain’s men were becoming weak.

if you can think of better anecdotes than the 3 i listed please share.

istewart · #2 11-15-2005, 12:27 AM

The last sentence looks pretty shoddy.

#3 11-15-2005, 12:29 AM

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The problem with an advanced society is that with each new development, life becomes (easier).

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How about (more convenient)?

StevieG · #4 11-15-2005, 12:33 AM

Opening is also questionable. Is your thesis really that an easier life is the problem with modern society? Or is it that the advances that make life easier have detrimental side effects?

PoBoy321 · #5 11-15-2005, 12:34 AM

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This meant that Britain’s men were becoming weak.

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You've obviously never met these guys.

housenuts · #6 11-15-2005, 12:34 AM

the essay is actually about the boy scouts as an imperialist organization

istewart · #7 11-15-2005, 12:37 AM

wtf

diebitter · #8 11-15-2005, 12:57 AM

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This meant that Britain’s men were becoming weak.

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That's just not gonna happen. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

housenuts · #9 11-15-2005, 01:01 AM

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wtf

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that's not the full introduction. it goes on to say that because of this, baden-powell starts the scout movement to prepare young boys to become soldiers. and this will help them defend their empire, blah blah

StevieG · #10 11-15-2005, 01:12 AM

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wtf

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that's not the full introduction. it goes on to say that because of this, baden-powell starts the scout movement to prepare young boys to become soldiers. and this will help them defend their empire, blah blah

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So you don't believe this idea of labor saving making men soft, Baden-Powell did. Why start the essay this way? If it is to throw his motives into question, you need to make it clear he thinks this, not you.