Two Plus Two Older Archives  

Go Back   Two Plus Two Older Archives > 2+2 Communities > Other Other Topics

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 06-16-2005, 11:18 PM
OtisTheMarsupial OtisTheMarsupial is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Oz
Posts: 571
Default Some Advice From Your Public Defender

Some Advice From Your Public Defender

source:http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/70300494.html


First, let me say I love my job and it is a privilege to work for my clients. I wish I could do more for them. That being said, there are a few things that need to be discussed.

You have the right to remain silent. So SHUT UP. Those cops are completely serious when they say your statements can and will be used against you. There’s just no need to babble on like it’s a drink and dial session. They are just pretending to like you and be interested in you.

When you come to court, consider your dress. If you’re charged with a DUI, don’t wear a Budweiser shirt. If you have some miscellaneous drug charge, think twice about clothing with a marijuana leaf on it or a t-shirt with the “UniBonger” on it. Long sleeves are very nice for covering tattoos and track marks. Try not to be visibly drunk when you show up.

Consider bathing and brushing your teeth. This is just as a courtesy to me who has to stand by you in court. Smoking 5 generic cigarettes to cover up your bad breath is not the same as brushing. Try not to cough and spit on my while you speak and further transmit your strep, flu, and hepatitis A through Z.

I’m a lawyer, not your fairy godmother. I probably won’t find a loophole or technicality for you, so don’t be pissed off. I didn’t beat up your girlfriend, steal that car, rob that liquor store, sell that crystal meth, or rape that 13 year old. By the time we meet, much of your fate has been sealed, so don’t be too surprised by your limited options and that I’m the one telling you about them.

Don’t think you’ll improve my interest in your case by yelling at me, telling me I’m not doing anything for you, calling me a public pretender or complaining to my supervisor. This does not inspire me, it makes me hate you and want to work with you even less.

It does not help if you leave me nine messages in 17 minutes. Especially if you leave them all on Saturday night and early Sunday morning. This just makes me want to stab you in the eye when we finally meet.

For the guys: Don’t think I’m amused when you flirt or offer to “do me.” You can’t successfully rob a convenience store, forge a signature, pawn stolen merchandise, get through a day without drinking, control your temper, or talk your way out of a routine traffic stop. I figure your performance in other areas is just as spectacular, and the thought of your shriveled unwashed body near me makes me want to kill you and then myself.

For the girls: I know your life is rougher than mine and you have no resources. I’m not going to insult you by suggesting you leave your abusive pimp/boyfriend, that you stop taking meth, or that your stop stealing [censored]. I do wish you’d stop beating the crap out of your kids and leaving your needles out for them to play with because you aren’t allowing them to have a life that is any better than yours.

For the morons: Your second grade teacher was right – neatness counts. Just clean up! When you rob the store, don’t leave your wallet. When you drive into the front of the bank, don’t leave the front license plate. When you rape/assault/rob a woman on the street, don’t leave behind your cell phone. After you abuse your girlfriend, don’t leave a note saying that you’re sorry.

If you are being chased by the cops and you have dope in your pocket – dump it. These cops are not geniuses. They are out of shape and want to go to Krispy Kreme and most of all go home. They will not scour the woods or the streets for your 2 grams of meth. But they will check your pockets, idiot. 2 grams is not worth six months of jail.

Don’t be offended and say you were harassed because the security was following you all over the store. Girl, you were wearing an electronic ankle bracelet with your mini skirt. And you were stealing. That’s not harassment, that’s good store security.

And those kids you churn out: how is it possible? You’re out there breeding like feral cats. What exactly is the attraction of having sex with other meth addicts? You are lacking in the most basic aspects of hygiene, deathly pale, greasy, grey-toothed, twitchy and covered with open sores. How can you be having sex? You make my baby-whoring crack head clients look positively radiant by comparison.

"I didn't put it all the way in." Not a defense.

"All the money is gone now." Not a defense

"The bitch deserved it." Not a defense.

"But that dope was so stepped on, I barely got high." Not a defense.

"She didn't look thirteen." Possibly a defense; it depends.

"She didn't look six." Never a defense, you just need to die.

For those rare clients that say thank-you, leave a voice mail, send a card or flowers, you are very welcome. I keep them all, and they keep me going more than my pitiful COLA increase.

For the idiots who ask me how I sleep at night: I sleep just fine, thank you. There's nothing wrong with any of my clients that could not have been fixed with money or the presence of at least one caring adult in their lives. But that window has closed, and that loss diminishes us all.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 06-16-2005, 11:20 PM
tbach24 tbach24 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Trying to overcome the bad luck
Posts: 2,351
Default Re: Some Advice From Your Public Defender

WAY TOO LONG SORIUWEORIJWE
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 06-16-2005, 11:25 PM
nothumb nothumb is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 90
Default Re: Some Advice From Your Public Defender

Obviously a real professional. She assumes that all her clients are guilty before they walk in the door.

NT
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 06-17-2005, 02:58 AM
youtalkfunny youtalkfunny is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 261
Default Re: Some Advice From Your Public Defender

Why shouldn't she? If I'm in that job, and 90% or more are guilty, why shouldn't I come to expect it?

If you live in a place where it rains 9 days out of 10, what would you expect to see when you get out of bed and look out the window? Are you going to presume "sunny" until evidence of rain is presented?

(Disclaimer: I'm not a lawyer; I don't work with the underpriviledged like NoThumb does. I made up the 90% number, I have no idea how many defendents who need a PubDef are actually guilty.)
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 06-17-2005, 03:02 AM
nothumb nothumb is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 90
Default Re: Some Advice From Your Public Defender

[ QUOTE ]
If you live in a place where it rains 9 days out of 10, what would you expect to see when you get out of bed and look out the window? Are you going to presume "sunny" until evidence of rain is presented?


[/ QUOTE ]

Well, nobody gets forced into a plea bargain even though they're innocent if the weatherman screws up, or gets coerced out of their right to a fair trial under threat of harsher punishment. This is what those who need a PD are faced with in many cases.

NT
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 06-17-2005, 03:03 AM
-Skeme- -Skeme- is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: S. Korea ($100 NL)
Posts: 2,694
Default Re: Some Advice From Your Public Defender

She sounds like a bitch.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 06-17-2005, 03:03 AM
ThaSaltCracka ThaSaltCracka is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 983
Default Re: Some Advice From Your Public Defender

I am sure you know, but its very easy for a PD to become jaded.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 06-17-2005, 03:04 AM
-Skeme- -Skeme- is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: S. Korea ($100 NL)
Posts: 2,694
Default Re: Some Advice From Your Public Defender

TSC knows all about PDs.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 06-17-2005, 03:06 AM
ThaSaltCracka ThaSaltCracka is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 983
Default Re: Some Advice From Your Public Defender

fortunately I never needed one, but I do know my fair share of lawyers. Being a PD is much much rougher than a private practice attorney.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 06-17-2005, 03:06 AM
nothumb nothumb is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 90
Default Re: Some Advice From Your Public Defender

[ QUOTE ]
I am sure you know, but its very easy for a PD to become jaded.

[/ QUOTE ]

I know. There are a lot of jaded social workers too.

I realize I'm being a huge nit here, it's just a matter of principle IMHO that if you're going to be presumptuous enough to make your living intervening in the lives of others, you should at least bother being good at it.

NT
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:08 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions Inc.