Bingo Poker

I played Bingo before I played Poker, so I started just seeing all the cards and taking my chances on having the best hand on the river. It was a lot of fun being in every hand. I never got bored, and I always had a positive cash flow over the long run. But the people I beat told me I was playing “wrong”. When I took their money from the river, they called me names.

I read some books to “improve” my game. The strategy in the books had me playing only “the best” starting cards. I tried “textbook tight” for a while. I was only in for about 20% of the hands and went to the river less than one time in ten, instead of nearly always. It was really boring. The game became work instead of fun, and I started losing money.

The books ignore that most of your money is won when you pick up a lucky card after someone else has built up a huge pot. In other words, you need to put yourself in a position to pop a “bad beat” on someone who has been betting the whole way. One “suck out” can be more profitable than a dozen “respectable wins”. You will almost never be in that position if you play by conventional theory. So, after a few years of play according to the expert books, I resumed my original habit of always staying to the river unless it was clear I could not win. My profit went up tremendously. And it was fun to play Poker again.

The books tell you to get out of a hand if you don’t have something good in the first few cards. They ignore the fact that your hand strength goes up exponentially with each additional card. Like I said, my big wins happen mostly due to picking up a lucky card late in the hand. Odds don’t count for much in River Poker. Being in position to get lucky with a big pot with a lot of dead money is everything. The pots are always biggest at the river, with the highest DMR (dead money ratio). You could have 10 people’s money in the river pot, but only need to fight 1 guy to get it. He might give it to you without a contest if he misses his draw.

Here’s a mathematical fact. More big hands are made with the 7th card than all the rest combined. But if you fold early, you will never see those exponential big hands. If you only play 20% of the hands you are throwing away a lot more that 80% of your opportunities to get lucky, because of the non-linear exponential factor.

Sure I loose some hands, but the really big beats I put on people more than make up for it. After I play for an hour the whole table is steaming. After I beat someone bad a couple of times, they fold good hands just because I am there. Or they bet hard with trash to “punish” me.

The books classify starting hands into “groups”. They have charts that tell some poor sap he should call one raise from 6th position with AQ off suite. What pathetic nonsense! Nobody knows if AQ is any good until they see the flop. I make good use of these charts. I use them backwards! If I see some “expert book player” making exactly 2 calls from some particular position, I know exactly what “hand group” he has. By the time the flop comes, I know his cards better than he does. Me, I could come in with any card from any position.

Don’t get me wrong. I do have standards, but they have to do with other people’s behavior and holdings in relation to the board. Frequently, I don’t even look at my own hole cards. If the texture of the board is favorable I’ll see them on the river anyway. Card charts are for losers. What they need is a people chart.

The best trick to River Donkey Poker, is knowing which player has a hand you are unlikely to improve against. You identify that player early, and use whatever betting pattern is most likely to get that particular player out of the hand. Often that is NOT a big bet. If they think you are trying to trick them into calling with a small bet, they will drop out. You don’t want everyone out, just the dangerous guy. You need big pots to draw out on the river, so act like a “calling station” if necessary.

It is idiotic to “count outs” unless you multiply the outs by the DMR (dead money ratio) money that is going to be in the final pot, and adjust for the betting patterns of the opposition. Losers like to explain to me how to “count outs” while I am emptying their wallets.

The best victims are idiots who flop a set and think they have a ticket to Disneyland. Chances are, they will end up with no improvement, and there are certain textures that give you almost a sure thing to pick up a straight if the board does not pair. The typical “made hand” is less likely to improve than the worst long shot drawing hand. People throw away inside straight draws, but I take more money from the river with that draw than any other. Then some kid who wasn’t in grade school when I learned poker starts crying and calling me a “noob”. He thinks the exponential 7th card shouldn’t count as much as the first card because it killed his three kings. He sniffles that I am not a “real player” because I was supposed to fold when he bet all his money on the turn. Boo hoo.

Losing Book Players tell you how you could have played your winning hand better by folding it, while you take their money. They are bitter and frustrated because they can only play about 12 different starting hands. They are bored out of their minds from folding all the time or frazzled because they are trying to play 6 tables at once to combat the monotony. “Donk” and “Moron” are some of the most polite terms you hear. The Expert Book Players get the satisfaction of venting and knowing they played “the odds” correctly. They have a spreadsheet showing they are right and proving that you are a bad player. But you get the money. And you have the fun. So let the name-calling begin.

[The Goober]

I can't believe I read through all of this.

Out of curiosity, what do others think...

I really think its fantastic that they are providing internet access at psychiatric hospitals these days. Really shows you how far we have progressed in our thinking about mental illness.

Used to be that no one would think that someone suffering from schizophrenia and massive delusions would have the ability to make use of the internet.

Congrats to you RiverDonk! You are an inspiration.

[vexvelour]

Please come sit at my table.

[Ace-Ex]

I see guys like this playing in B&M cardrooms all the time. They are delicious.

Can I get an over/under on how many more posts you see from this newest member? You pick how many days.

[img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[ZenMusician]

Abridged version of this post...

-ZEN