How do you deal with your mistakes? Thoughts on going bust.

[AceofSpades]

I've been on a major downswing lately. Mostly a combination of bad luck and playing too late or long, on tilt, or at stakes that I am not bankrolled for.

The difference between winning and going to bed happy, and being broke is not really that vast a gap. Just a few mistakes, a moment or too of tilt and bam, you've got nothing left.

I suppose everybody on here knows the absolute importance of not playing over their bankroll but I had to learn the hard way.

I'm a college student and I haven't worked for two years, I've been living off poker and some rental income which has dried up for the past 6 months. This downswing has been killing me, partly because I switched to solely tournament play when my bankroll was more robust and my leaks at late stages were killing me. And partly cause of tilt, and spending some of my bankroll.

Tonight was dumb, there was a higher stakes pl 7 card stud game running with some major fish. So I decided to play, and after running up a good amount, I stayed in the game, hit a long run of bad cards, and eventually blew it all in the very early morning.

The worst thing is that I know exactly what I should have done, but didn't do it. How do you deal with your mistakes after the fact? After I do totally stupid stuff like this, it's almost like I'm a shock victim. Stunned by the loss.

Maybe I don't have the temperment to be a poker player. I sometimes make decisions in the "moment" then afterward if asked about that situation I know I would recommend the opposite decision. But I guess this is after prolonged periods of playing/not enough sleep. Playing past 2am is a major leak that I had not corrected.

Right now I've busted out of party and prima, but I still have $90 bucks at stars that I've been playing the low limit stud tables with.

I have $300 in the bank, and a little bit of stock.

My parents are always asking "are you winning" and I know they would get upset (my Dad is one of those "are you ahead" why don't you quit now?" people) and Mom would be concerned because I think she worries sometime (because it's "gambling", if I tell her that I busted out, I think she would be upset... I usually tell them if I'm winning or if I am losing, but not how much.

I guess now I just have to start grinding away at the low limits, and slowly regain what I have lost. And do it right this time and not move up limits without proper bankroll. I am worried though that Dad will ask how much I have in the account. And $90 bucks isn't anything compared to 1k I won in a tournament a while back. Even though at the stakes I had been playing, it's not enough buyins to last out a losing streak.

Anyway thanks for reading if you've got this far. Writing this has helped me somewhat deal with the loss.

any comments would be welcomed.

Joseph