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#1
11-21-2005, 11:43 AM
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If it was okay, would you cheat on your significant other?
I'm splitting this off from the Can Guys and Girls Just Be Friends thread.
If there wasn't a "social convention" agaist cheating on your siginificant other...would you cheat? I have to imagine there are people out there who wouldn't want to cheat, but I half expect to get shouted down like in the other thread. 
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#2
11-21-2005, 01:13 PM
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Re: If it was okay, would you cheat on your significant other?
By talking about "cheating" I think you're biasing the results. So what, exactly, is the situation? Below I'm using "normal" to mean that most people do it and it's OK to tell people about -- no stigmas.
1) Sleeping around is normal, SO doesn't care about it. I don't mind. I'd prefer that SO & I consult each other, and possibly share our partners. A polyamory is not out of the question. 2) Sleeping around is normal, SO objects. This is likely to be problematic, but I'm not doing it even if I can't get caught. It's not right. Either break up and find a "better" life-partner who'll let me sleep around or work with the one I have. I might try persuasion / negotiation. 3) Sleeping around is not normal, and my SO doesn't mind. Same as answer 1, though a polyamory isgoing to be tougher. It may lead to a "bugger you and your narrow-minded ways, we don't need friends like you!" 4) Sleeping around is not normal, and SO does object. This is how I view the common situation in the West now, and say absolutely no cheating even if I can't be caught. In all situations multi-way long-term relationships with provision for 1+ child / person (at least as many children as parents) are preferred but casual sex could be ok too if everything could be worked out (disease, pregnancy mostly).
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#3
11-21-2005, 01:50 PM
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Re: If it was okay, would you cheat on your significant other?
well, the social converntion is that cheating is wrong...but where does this social convention stem from? I believe it comes from the fact that cheating naturally HURTS your partner. How can you feel special, when your partner has sex with other people? It detracts from your worth.
Thus, I don't think it is really a "social convention" that holds us back, but it is our partners feelings. So if your partner said she was completely (COMPLETELY) ok with it, that is the only way I would (not that I would necessarily want to, but that is the only way I can see it being an option). My point is, cheating on someone isn't really a social convention, as its not society that says its wrong, its human nature, because its hurtful...with or without a social convention.
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#4
11-21-2005, 02:02 PM
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Re: If it was okay, would you cheat on your significant other?
Just out of curiosity, why do people in the "West" think it's OK to sleep around a lot, as long as you're not in a relationship? What's so special about this relationship that all of a sudden it is so horrible to cheat? Meanwhile before they even knew each other the guy and the girl were probably screwing random people here and there all the time.
Seems to me that our society should either see sex as something you do with only one person in your lifetime, or as something you do with lots of people throughout your lifetime, regardless of your relationship status. Maybe I just don't get it.
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#5
11-21-2005, 02:18 PM
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Re: If it was okay, would you cheat on your significant other?
[ QUOTE ]
2) Sleeping around is normal, SO objects. This is likely to be problematic, but I'm not doing it even if I can't get caught. It's not right. Either break up and find a "better" life-partner who'll let me sleep around or work with the one I have. I might try persuasion / negotiation. [/ QUOTE ] This poses an interesting question. If the norm was that S.O. relationships were open, would that openness be so important to you that you would refuse to be with anyone who wanted a closed relationship? And if you say yes, then you'll have to defend why our current "social convention" itself is enough to stop you from persuing a S.O. interested in an open relationship.
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#6
11-21-2005, 02:33 PM
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Re: If it was okay, would you cheat on your significant other?
[ QUOTE ]
Just out of curiosity, why do people in the "West" think it's OK to sleep around a lot, as long as you're not in a relationship? What's so special about this relationship that all of a sudden it is so horrible to cheat? Meanwhile before they even knew each other the guy and the girl were probably screwing random people here and there all the time. Seems to me that our society should either see sex as something you do with only one person in your lifetime, or as something you do with lots of people throughout your lifetime, regardless of your relationship status. Maybe I just don't get it. [/ QUOTE ] I've gotten into this debate many times with a religious muslim friend I have. Like I said in my post...a major reason for not cheating is to NOT hurt your partner...if you have no partner then this point is moot, allowing you to sleep with as many people as you want. Following that logic, its easy to see why someone may sleep with my partners when single (its fun), and then only sleep with his significant other when he's in a relationship (to not hurt her in any way).
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#7
11-21-2005, 02:48 PM
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Re: If it was okay, would you cheat on your significant other?
[ QUOTE ]
If there wasn't a "social convention" agaist cheating on your siginificant other...would you cheat? [/ QUOTE ] No, I quite enjoy not having AIDS or some other gross STD.
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#8
11-21-2005, 02:59 PM
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Re: If it was okay, would you cheat on your significant other?
[ QUOTE ]
No, I quite enjoy not having AIDS or some other gross STD. [/ QUOTE ] Thanks for your valuable input. So, you're saying that neither you or your partner have ever been with anyone else? Or do both you and your soon to be partners get tested immediately before "consummating"?
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#9
11-21-2005, 03:04 PM
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Re: If it was okay, would you cheat on your significant other?
[ QUOTE ]
I'm splitting this off from the Can Guys and Girls Just Be Friends thread. If there wasn't a "social convention" agaist cheating on your siginificant other...would you cheat? I have to imagine there are people out there who wouldn't want to cheat, but I half expect to get shouted down like in the other thread. [/ QUOTE ] The reason you got shouted down in the other thread is cause you twisted my words and didn't listen to what I was saying. I said a combination of social conventions (thou shalt not cheat on your girlfriend) and common sense (what we have is pretty good and I wouldn't want to ruin it, I'm happy with my current situation and don't want to mess with it, I wouldn't want my girlfriend cheating on me so why would I cheat on her, etc., etc) are reasons that I personally don't cheat. I did not imply that if all of a sudden cheating was OK I would go stick my d*ck in the first girl I saw.
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#10
11-21-2005, 03:45 PM
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Re: If it was okay, would you cheat on your significant other?
[ QUOTE ]
Thanks for your valuable input. So, you're saying that neither you or your partner have ever been with anyone else? Or do both you and your soon to be partners get tested immediately before "consummating"? [/ QUOTE ] What? I'm in a long-term relationship and don't have to a) worry about getting laid by some complete stranger b) think about STDs Christ pull the stick out of your ass. Just because you want to put your penis in a bunch of girls doesn't mean it's safe.
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