Dear bison... June 2005.

[bisonbison]

I just got back from Vegas, where a few things became clear:

1. I am taller than you thought.

2. Enough people enjoy my advice threads to justify posting these on an ongoing basis.

3. Some of you are still in desperate need of help.

4. Someone needs to buy me a black t-shirt that says Internet Celebrity in gold writing across the back.

Thus here's the third installment in a series of threads designed to save 2+2 posters from themselves.

So whether your typical weekend involves getting drunk in your closet and pooping your pants, paying strippers for blowjobs, silently plotting the demise of all who now ignore you or all of the above, ask me a question (starting with Dear Bison), and I will tell you how to repair the shattered remnants of your life.

[Emmitt2222]

Dear Bison,

Although this is OOT, I have to quickly mention that variance blows hard so I needed money this summer and have failed to make any over the last month and a half through poker. I have also just hurt my back in a serious way so I won't be able to do any physical work for a week or two. Do you know of any other ways to make money sitting on my butt, preferably in front of my computer, in a short period of time [a month or so]? This is most likely an absurd question, but you have been known to work miracles in the past.

Sincerely.
Emmitt2222

[bisonbison]

Dear Emmitt,

If you can walk and sit and type, contact local temp agencies and see if they can hook you up. You will soon be underpaid, and you will be underpaid soon.

[DcifrThs]

uh more poker...ride out the variance

-Barron

[The Armchair]

Start writing.

[illunious]

Dear bison,

Please recommend a recipe that's spicy, meaty, grilled, and a complete meal.

[bisonbison]

Dear Illunious,

Chili with grilled chicken.

[THATWACOKID]

Dear Bison,

I've played competitive golf since my 8th grade summer. I currently play college golf for a very competitive NJCAA team (top 10 in the nation). Next year I'll be a sophomore, and I'd like to (well at least today) continue playing after next year. Here are my scoring averages from 8th grade to last year.

8th- 88
9th- 84
10th- 79
11th 74.5
12th- 78 (I discovered mary jane)
Fsh. College- 79 (I discovered poker)

From my 8th grade year to my 11th grade year I was extremely motivated and a very dedicated golfer. The last two years I've had off and on motivation. I've done very well for myself playing poker over the last year, so I don't plan to quit, but it has definitely hurt my golf game. In addition, college life can also be a huge distraction to my golf game. I struggled last year with balance in my life. I currently have more motivation than I've had in about a year, and I plan on giving it my all on the golf course, but I'm afraid it won't last. Any advice is appreciated. TIA

Side note: sorry that I suck at organizing my thoughts ...

[THATWACOKID]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear Illunious,

Chili with grilled chicken.

[/ QUOTE ]

LMAO

[bisonbison]

Dear Waco,

There are a lot of worthwhile ways to spend your time. Studying, smoking pot, poker, drinking, partying, golf, and having a 9-5 job are all fine hobbies if kept in proportion to how happy they make you.

In the end, you will end up playing exactly as much golf as you feel like playing. You may decide that you enjoy golf so much that it ends up taking up a lot of your time, and you'll likely improve. But the effort is going to follow the enjoyment.

If your self-image depends on becoming a scratch golfer, then I would suggest changing how you evaluate yourself.