Post your best hammered casino poker story here

[Riverman]

"Before he got kicked out of the room for stinking and splashing the pots, he entertained the table by eating a cocktail napkin and ogling the women next to him."

Wow.

[whiskeytown]

ah man....

how about the drunk guy that sits down at the MGM - limps with AQ and leaves me AT in the big blind unopposed.

Flop comes KQJ, and we both get our money in post flop and I drag the pot at which time he tells someone I'm an awful player.

I ragged on him a bit - told him to rebuy - but he left.

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Laughlin - late one night I'm there and there's a real drunk guy who was engaged in a pathetic attempt at hitting on a dealer or a dealer's gf - one of the two.

He asked her name right before action, and rather then answer him she went "raise" and he goes "raise - that's an odd name." -

Eventually the floor said he was cutoff, and he took his chips and left - no doubt not to bed but to find another place he could be served. Saw a cop car outside the place a bit later - I think he got busted or passed out somewhere in the casino.

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Had a loose drunk at Canterbury one time - real donator but the dealers had to keep telling him to watch his language - he finally got pissed and left and on one hand, the game was so damned slow we're glad it sped up - on the other hand, by ragging him about swearing that drove him from the table.

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For my money my fav. was the waitress at the MGM who brought me whiskey the first night I was there.

She brought me 3 shots while I'm playing and I asked for a 4th - of course I'm tipping every time... when she brought the 4th it was in the normal shot glass but about 4-5 times as much booze - almost to the rim. (usually they were about 1/4th full at most)

I pointed out I HAD to drink it - it was a dare - I got it down - backed off after that except for a couple Smirnoffs, and walked out at 11am and took 10 min. to find the Strip - (walked out the wrong door) - went to the Imperial Palace where I played a tourney hungover and on 25 hrs without sleep before I could get into my room.

guess she knew she could save a lot of work by just bringing the next 4 all at once. [img]/images/graemlins/smirk.gif[/img]

RB

[ddss6_99]

Not much about poker, but I still crack up reading this. For today, im the coolest person yuou know

[ QUOTE ]
We tipped away at least a thousand each to the dealers, floor, and waitresses.

[/ QUOTE ]
That's probably more than they make in tips in a year. (CR does not cultivate the high-roller crowd, nor, with 6:5 on blackjack, the smart crowd.)

Non-drunk (well, me anyway, I can't vouch for the employees) CR story: before they went to 6:5, I was wandering through and for some reason decided to play some BJ there (maybe Barbary Coast was too crowded, I don't remember). Anyhow, the dealer was not only crappy (they're non-union, so good dealers quickly leave for better pay elsewhere), but she dealt like she was practicing for a grudge match with Chris Ferguson. Tossed them clean off the table several times in the short time I was there.

Anyway, I'm sitting at first base, next to a woman happily pursuing her Martingale strategy despite a table limit capped at $100. Dealer speed-tosses the cards, flinging Martingale lady's second card off the table. "Card down," table buzzes, etc. Things get back to normal, so Martingale lady hits, next player stands...hey, what about me? I'm clearing my throat loudly, saying "hey, excuse me!" but dealer has a quota to fill. She finishes up and deals out her cards: a 19. She then looks at my cards, still face down, and I flip them, revealing two aces, and say, "yeah, you forgot something."

So she calls the pit boss, who comes up and instead of simply telling her "let him play his hand," looks at me as if it's my fault and grunts, "hit 'em or split em?" I push one ace to the side and place a bet in front of it, but pit boss apparently needs a verbal declaration, because she asks again, louder, "HIT 'EM OR SPLIT 'EM??" I say, "what does it look like?" and again I hear, "HIT 'EM OR SPLIT 'EM?????" I mean, are they hiring the mentally challenged as pit bosses? Finally I lose it and say, "SPLIT THEM, YOU [censored] ASS!"

Soooo, long story short, my split results in a 12 and an 18, and a helpful sad-sack of a security guy comes to escort me out of the casino, answering the question, "what does it take to actually get kicked out of Casino Royale?"

[sciencebeagle]

After I turned 21 my mom wanted to go to Vegas. She was very lonely and sad after a divorce with my dad and worked constantly so I thought I would go with her to give her some company. At Bally's the bar is right next to the poker section and they keep brining you drink after drink after dirnk..... You get the point. I got like four vodka Red Bulls in the time it took to go one orbit around the table. Anyways I was playing 3/6 and was SUPER hammered after about two hours. I was raising and capping every street with anything. By the end of the night I was stuck about $600 for being so hammered and just [censored] totally around. The next day when we were going to the airport my mom tells me she won about $700 on a lucky slot pull. I told her about my poker losses and she said "I had so much fun, heres the money you lost! I know going to Vegas with your mom is kind of lame so this is to show how much it meant to me!" Woohoo!

[plaster8]

I was not the one hammered in these stories, but I think they're OK nonetheless.

I'm in Reno a few years ago at 3 a.m., playing Pai Gow Poker alone. This homeless-looking guy plops down next to me, sweating bourbon, and throws a c-note down as his bet. He gets his seven cards from the dealer, and recoils.

"WHAT THE F ARE WE PLAYING?" he slurs.

I help him play his cards for about 15 minutes, he wins about $700 and gets tossed when he refuses to get coffee instead of a beer. I leave a few minutes after that, and I see two security guards beating the crap out of him in the alley. I decide I do not want to interfere in a Reno alley fight in the middle of the night.

Story 2: I'm playing poker at a casino for the first time ever. I'm at the Excalibur. I have to take a leak, but I have no idea where the bathrooms are. I ask the table and they point me in the right direction. As I turn the corner toward the bathroom, a drunk guy slams into me and dumps his drink directly on my crotch.

This after I have just asked the poker table where the bathrooms are.

I still had chips on the table, which is the only reason I sheepishly went back. Had I realized I'd never see any of these people again, I would have just strolled back to the table confidently with my soaking pants and said, "Well, I didn't find the bathroom."

[Pokerprowannabe]

I posted this earlier but I think it's worth another laugh.

So I'm sitting at a table in the local casino totally digging the action when i see a little tiny guy in the corner wearing a green felt cap doing jumping jacks while smoking a cigar. Now at first I'm thinking to myself, what the hell is this guy doing in a card room with a cigar? They don't allow cigars in here? And why is he so tiny? He doesn't even look 21!
So anyway, I shake it off and try to go back to playing cards when the guy next to me says... "I hear those fellas can't walk very fast". Hmm, Maybe not, but they sure can jump, I think to myself. Then I look over again, and the little tiny guy has sweat pouring off his forehead, doing jumping jacks, just going to town on his cigar like a little green Irish smokestack or something.

Now I'm really starting to freak out because I'm not sure if the guy next to me REALLY said that, or the MUSHROOMS I took are finally kicking in and I should get out of here QUICK! So I push all my chips into the pot, say I'M ALL IN! Figuring if I did that, NOBODY would dare call that raise, right? DIDN'T THINK SO! Just then the little tiny guy comes over to the table and says mushrooms? What mushrooms? I just want to go home. What are you looking at?

At that point I just had to get up and leave. I wasn't really thinking straight anyway.

[Jaskohouston]

These are great, so i'm going to contribute to get others to do the same.

Not poker, but last December we're at Hard Rock playing blackjack. Played for hours and hours, they close all the lower limit tables and get us one of our own ($10). We're all wasted, but my buddy is HAMMERED. He's at third base, starts chatting up the dealer with this ridiculous crap. Says great things, completely unprovoked, like "man, I've been where you are. I know how hard it is. You just have to keep your head up.", like the dealer is some street person or something. He's hitting on 18, splitting face cards, and just winning a pretty large amount for blackjack where hands are averaging probably $25 a hand. One guy blasts him for it, and he goes "You think I care? I make a million bucks a year.", and of course my other buddy proceeds immediately with, "No you don't", which gets a great laugh.

He starts tipping this dealer a bunch of money. We are having to pull chips away while he isn't looking and hide them from him. The pit boss and dealer see us doing this but don't even care because it's completely obvious how necessary it is. As we about to leave, he gives the guy like $200 and says "Just make sure this gets to the kids. It's all for the kids". We have no idea where this came from.

Needless to say "do it for the kids" has become a running punch line with our group.

[Riverman]

ah, the table games-

One night at borgata a few buddies and I played some post-poker blackjack and got shithoused. At like 3am these two hot girls come and sit down at our table. Now even hammered I can see that these are working girls, but they are nice and our group chats with them and whatever. One of these girls is getting pretty friendly with one of my friends so I say for all to hear, "Watch out, its pay to play with that [censored]" or something to that effect. Long story short, the women were 20-something teachers from Philadelphia who came on a whim after one of their birthday parties. So my smooth move alienated drunk, hot, and probably horny girls. Not my finest hour.

[jba]

well this really doesn't have much to do with gambling but it happened in a casino so WTF

So me and some friends get totally hammered playing BJ. One guy is 19 and is one of those fellows that will drink and drink and drink and get incredibly hammered, but is somehow incapable of passing out or puking and will just continue to throw them back at an alarming pace.

we stop playing to go get breakfast and this guy is just hammered out of his mind. The following conversation transpires:

him: I'll have the grand slam (or whatever it was)
waitress: how do you want your eggs?
him: huh?
waitress: your eggs, how do you want your eggs?
him: oh, oh, the very best