Dating someone bi-polar

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I dated a chick who was bipolar. All I can say is that if this girl is 1/10th as much of a lunatic as the girl I dated, you should run, far, faaaarrr away.

Things started out normal enough, but then she began getting super-paranoid and very accusatory. Her mood swings were unbelievable--one day she'd be all happy and outgoing, and the next she'd be depressed and miserable. In each case, it was to such an extreme that she practically had a completely different personality. Things that she liked in one mood she would absolutely hate in the other, and it was up to me to always figure out which person I was dealing with on a daily basis, lest I piss her off to no end.

It all seems tame when I describe now, but really it was pure insanity. The suicide threats and threats of violence one day, and then the person who couldn't so much as hurt a fly the next day. All with constant lies and denials and selfishness.

There were days when she was a normal person, and those days her "true" nature shined through (a very good person, I think), but much of the time it was nothing short of insanity. She had definitely learned to act "normal" in front of most people, but once you knew her well and she had to be around you more than on a passing basis, there was no hiding it.

At the very least, I'd recommend that your girl staying on medication be a prerequisite to your guys' continued dating. The few bipolar people I've known and the one girl I dated (and from what I hear, bipolar people in general) have a tendency to go on meds, feel somewhat better and then go off them thinking they don't need them any more. Dealing with a seriously bipolar person not on meds is like dealing with a pitbull with its nuts in a tourniquet--all you can do is stay out of the way and hope you don't get hurt.

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Almost exactly what I endured for two years. She accused me of cheating on her with every woman I knew (including the mother of one of my chess students.) Of course, she could hang out with any guy she wanted. She would switch moods on a dime - all happy and lovey-dovey, then BAM I'm stupid she's stupid the whole world is stupid I think I'll kill myself. Constant guilt trips. Sometimes I got scared because something would set her off and she'd start hitting herself on the head. Of course, she also had relationship issues...can't imagine why.

The hard part was she could shape up just enough to keep me interested...promises of change and whatever. Never happened - actually it got worse. Eventually I realized it was only worth it so I can appreciate sane girls.

EDIT:Just saw the raising kids part. I dated another girl who was clinically depressed, and one day we were talking about the woman who drowned her kids in the tub. She told me that she could see herself doing that. Scared the S@#$ out of me. Too bad, she's a pretty and otherwise fun girl...although we'd have to break plans a lot because she was having an episode.

ScottieK

[JackThree]

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She would switch moods on a dime - all happy and lovey-dovey, then BAM I'm stupid she's stupid the whole world is stupid I think I'll kill myself.

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those were the days....

[rocketlaunch]

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Almost exactly what I endured for two years. She accused me of cheating on her with every woman I knew (including the mother of one of my chess students.) Of course, she could hang out with any guy she wanted. She would switch moods on a dime - all happy and lovey-dovey, then BAM I'm stupid she's stupid the whole world is stupid I think I'll kill myself. Constant guilt trips. Sometimes I got scared because something would set her off and she'd start hitting herself on the head. Of course, she also had relationship issues...can't imagine why.

The hard part was she could shape up just enough to keep me interested...promises of change and whatever. Never happened - actually it got worse. Eventually I realized it was only worth it so I can appreciate sane girls.

EDIT:Just saw the raising kids part. I dated another girl who was clinically depressed, and one day we were talking about the woman who drowned her kids in the tub. She told me that she could see herself doing that. Scared the S@#$ out of me. Too bad, she's a pretty and otherwise fun girl...although we'd have to break plans a lot because she was having an episode.

ScottieK

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Ding ding ding. I was talking to a female friend of mine at a party once and my bipolar gf came over and started yelling making a huge scene saying I was about to go cheat on her with that girl--nevermind the fact that my gf was obviously right there and my friend's bf was right there, too. Everyone there stopped whatever they were doing and just stared at the four of us (the bf of course came over interested to know who this guy who was supposedly going to hook up with his gf was). That was a lovely scene, and only one of about a million just crazy episodes in a real f'ed up relationship--I could literally give a dozen more, but I really don't even like remembering all of them.

Of course I'd want to leave her but then it was, "oh I"m sorry, I screwed up, I won't do it again, I'm trying, please don't leave wah wah" and of course she was hot enough and absolutely dynamite in bed, so I was the sucker who kept going back for more.

I'm still getting over the emotional damage from that relationship, and it's nearly three years later.

Not to discourage you or anything, OP, but you deserve to know the truth.

[TomCollins]

That's why I ask. I have no idea what I might be getting into.

[Burno]

If you are stable it can work. Two erratic personalities can easily fall in love, but will have great difficulty remaining together.

Bi-Polar in a great many cases can be minimized and in some cases eliminated with a proper exploration and understanding of one's mind. Meds do help but many cause significant withdrawal and their can be some crazy mood swings if they are changed. Therapy is where it's at, but it has to be often and consistent enough to be effective.

The biggest key, I swear, is to severely curtail the use of alcohol and narcotics. Often they are used to cope with the downswings or celebrate the upswings and they end up making the frequency and intensity of the swings so much worse. Plus, combining drugs or just alcohol with Bipolar meds just makes people loopy.

It's highly unfortunate that many of you believe people can be captured by a psychodiagnostic label. Really, these sweeping generalizations about people with 'bipolar disorder,' are inaccurate, unfair and perpetuate unnecessary stereotypes.

Many people with bipolar disease are very productive, effective and highly likeable. I have bipolar disease (and Aspergar's with OCD) and work full-time, am not sexually promiscuous, do not use illegal drugs, am not highly impulsive nor psychotic.

Also, I want to explain something to you about the medications typically used to treat bipolar (and other serious brain diseases). A lack of insight is not always the cause of medication non-compliance. Often times the drugs themselves have extremely unpleasant and dangerous side effects. Many often cause irreversible, permanent neurological damage resembling Parkinson's (TD or Tardive Dyskinesia). A sample of undesired side effects (depending on the class of medication) may be blurred vision, nausea, extreme anxiety and agitation, tremors, GI upset, sweating, restless leg syndrome, twitches, involuntary movements, etc. There is often a serious cost-benefit analysis and it's not always irrational to resist being medicated (especially if you have a hypersensitivity to certain drugs such as an affinity for extrapyramidal reactions).

JeffreyREBT "Wherein I don't promise to make you rich without trying, or even trying very hard; I do promise to say things that will make you FEEL rich."

[chesspain]

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If you are stable it can work. Two erratic personalities can easily fall in love, but will have great difficulty remaining together.

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One stable person is only half of the formula. If the partner is very unstable, the relationship is going to be severely challenged regardless of how normal the other individual might be.



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Bi-Polar Disorder in a great many cases can be minimized and in some cases eliminated with a proper exploration and understanding of one's mind.

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False. Bipolar Disorder is a brain illness. It cannot be eliminated with psychotherapy--although therapy can help one to learn how to make better choices, how to cope with the mood swings, how to recognize the need to ask for a reassessment of one's medication regimen, etc.




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Meds do help but many cause significant withdrawal and their can be some crazy mood swings if they are changed. Therapy is where it's at, but it has to be often and consistent enough to be effective.

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I'ld say that meds + therapy is where it's at...and I'm a psychologist, so my bias should be with therapy--except that I know that therapy will be insufficient with moderate to severe cases of Bipolar Disorder.




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The biggest key, I swear, is to severely curtail the use of alcohol and narcotics. Often they are used to cope with the downswings or celebrate the upswings and they end up making the frequency and intensity of the swings so much worse. Plus, combining drugs or just alcohol with Bipolar meds just makes people loopy.

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This is 100% correct.

[bobman0330]

I did. It sucked hard. Cruel to say, but odds are you'd be better off not getting involved.

[Burno]

I will, of course, defer to chesspain, as I am not a psychologist, but I do work in the field(special needs) and have a degree. I do, however, have some terrific insight into the Bi-Polar world, for a variety of reasons.

Couple questions for Chess.

1. What % of individuals diagnosed as Bi-polar would you estimate are actually bi-polar?

2. What are your thoughts on the use of marijuana to regualte mood swings?

[chesspain]

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Couple questions for Chess.

1. What % of individuals diagnosed as Bi-polar would you estimate are actually bi-polar?

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I have no idea



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2. What are your thoughts on the use of marijuana to regualte mood swings?

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Although I personally believe that marijuana or alcohol can be pleasant and fairly benign when used by reasonably healthy individuals in moderation, I also believe that the chronic use of either/both by individuals with major mood disorders tends to lead, in general, to worsenned depression in the long-run.