Krishan's Limrick Contest

[girgy44]

There once was this boy named Schnettler
Who liked this girl and did bet her
That using his bone
He'd make her moan
Soon after a grand he did transfer

There once was a player named you
of strategy you had no clue
A google search you did make
the results they did take
you to the forums of 2+2

For months on end you lurk
offering nothing back like a jerk
then you river a royal flush
decide to post it in HUSH
thinking you are hung like Dirk

Now you have posted and cried
about your [insert number] big bet slide
I'm sorry to say
and to your dismay
you should seriously consider suicide

[Schneids]

[ QUOTE ]
There once was a Schneids that went broke
"These suckouts are such a joke!"
Out went his roll
Now he rides poll
And sucks loads of dick for coke

[/ QUOTE ]

I hate sthief09
He takes it up the ass for pleasure
His needledick is not worth a measure
Fortunately for me his roll is mine
And he should stick it where the sun don't shine.

[admiralfluff]

So the LAGs bust you up without quell,
and in triumph they scream LOL!!1,
so you post on the forum,
to posse a quorom,
but you really should go rot in hell,

You think you're the news on the block,
inspiring great awe and shock,
when you lose a hundred BBs,
<font color="green"> Evan </font> should be on his knees (well, on his feet),
respectfully sucking your cock,

posters just don't understand,
you shouldn't have lost with that hand,
but you're some dumb young guy,
and Y-S-S-K-Y,
is the greatest advice in the land.

[scotty34]

You're obviously not a beginner
We all know you're a long term winner
So you don't need to fret
After losing a few hundred bets
As long as you can still afford dinner

If we haven't seen you before
Know that bad beats and stats are deplored
You can't beat 5/10
Yet you move up again
You should really go back to 2/4

It has happened to us all
Yet you won't see us bawl
I just thought you should know
This post really blows
Oh, and your sample size is too small

[sthief09]

I'm pretty sure it has to follow a syllabic format: 9, 9, 5, 5, 9

It might be true that cards don't like you
But, please don't get suicidal
There's no need to bore us
And clog up the forums
AND IF YOU DO I WILL FIND YOU

I know it's horribly saddening
When the cards give you a stamping
But, if your a winner don't bitch
Online poker is rigged
Upswing? Just email the admin

If you don't hear that rightly
And just run along nicely
Remember the temper I've got
I'll PM the Mods
And track you down via your IP

--
Yes, I will get you. I will. It's not humour, I mean it.

[krishanleong]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm pretty sure it has to follow a syllabic format: 9, 9, 5, 5, 9

[/ QUOTE ]

I think technically you are right. The ones that follow this seem to be better too. But I'll accept anything I like.

Krishan

[PTjvs]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
There once was a noob who ran hot
He thought he was good but was not
When it came to pass
the dumb fish lost his ass
He said "Variance sucks, cuz I rock!"

Yet another unfortunate smchuck
was having the most terrible luck.
He'd fix leaks by the host
by putting his stats in a post
called "I thought I was good, do i suck?"

Whether you are Guy A or Guy B
it makes no [censored] difference to me
take your dumbass stats post
and [censored] [censored] your grandma
this [censored] isn't what we come here to see.

[/ QUOTE ]

Verse 1 and 2 are great. I can't figure out verse 3 [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Krishan

[/ QUOTE ]

I think the 3rd verse is great, but if you'd rather have one that makes sense *sigh*, here is a revised version:


Guy A was a noob who ran hot
He thought he was good but was not
When it came to pass
the dumb fish lost his ass
He said "Variance sucks, cuz I rock!"

Guy B, an unfortunate smchuck
was having the most terrible luck.
He'd fix leaks by the host
by putting his stats in a post
called "I thought I was good, do i suck?"

Whether you are Guy A or Guy B
It makes no God Damn difference to me
When it comes down to it,
your 10k hands just ain't [censored].
and [censored] ain't what we come here to see.

[Catt]

Alternate 4th line; 3rd stanza:

[ QUOTE ]
This is a dim-witted post;
The kind that we all hate the most;
A jumble of stats,
Or downswinging “Rats!”
Like a virus in search of a host.
-
If you are a good, winning player,
As opposed to a chip-spewing brayer,
Get back to the felt,
Play the hands that you’re dealt,
And soon you’ll be doing OKer.
-
Take my advice, please, you unthinking clod,
In the form of this good-natured prod,
Posts like this won’t improve you,
They just pollute Two Plus Two,
Stop posting this crap! Where’s the Mod?

[/ QUOTE ]

Second alternate; new third stanza:

[ QUOTE ]
This is a dim-witted post;
The kind that we all hate the most;
A jumble of stats,
Or downswinging “Rats!”
Like a virus in search of a host.
-
If you are a good, winning player,
As opposed to a chip-spewing brayer,
Get back to the felt,
Play the hands that you’re dealt,
And soon you’ll be doing OKer.
-
Take my advice, please, you unthinking clod,
In the form of this good-natured prod,
This can’t help you win,
You'd best stick to gin,
Stop posting this crap! Where’s the Mod?

[/ QUOTE ]

Final alternate; new third stanza:

[ QUOTE ]
This is a dim-witted post;
The kind that we all hate the most;
A jumble of stats,
Or downswinging “Rats!”
Like a virus in search of a host.
-
If you are a good, winning player,
As opposed to a chip-spewing brayer,
Get back to the felt,
Play the hands that you’re dealt,
And soon you’ll be doing OKer.
-
Take my advice, please, you unthinking clod,
In the form of this good-natured prod,
This won’t help your game,
But will get you flamed,
Stop posting this crap! Where’s the Mod?

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm all limerick'd out now.