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#1
08-27-2004, 11:26 AM
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The critter\'s view (OT)
1. My Thoughts on Vegetarians.
Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning "lousy hunter". 2. My Thoughts on Prisoners. Did you know that it costs forty thousand dollars a year to house each prisoner? Jeez, for forty thousand bucks apiece, I'll take a few prisoners into my house. I live in Los Angeles. I already have bars on the windows. I don't think we should give free room and board to criminals. I think they should have to run twelve hours a day on a treadmill and generate electricity. And, if they don't want to run, they can rest in the chair that's hooked up to the generator. 3. My Thoughts on Fabric Softeners. My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring. But, it's hard to get that April Fresh scent out of your clothes. 4. My Thoughts on morning differences. Men and women are different in the morning. We men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve. 5. My Thoughts on Grandma My grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car that says, 'Sexy Senior Citizen.' You don't want to think of your grandmother that way, do you? Out entering wet shawl contests. My Thoughts on answering machines. Did you ever hear one of these corny positive messages on someone's answering machine? "Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is: Share the love." BEEP "Uh, yeah...this is the infectious disease clinic calling....Speaking of being positive, your test results are back. Stop sharing the love.." 
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