My GF's psycho-ex (long and bad and dramatic....stressful situation)

[slickpoppa]

This guy needs a call from Mark Knofler: link

[MicroBob]

[ QUOTE ]

Tell your gf to HAVE HER LOCKS CHANGED IMMEDIATELY

[/ QUOTE ]


I neglected to mention that evidently in his whole huffy-show he left his key at her place accidentally which she is obviously not giving back.
She doesn't think he would have been sharp enough to make a copy but she is changing the locks. It was her idea first.

She also is changing the code on their house-alarm.
She had never bothered changing it previously because she never suspected he might do something like this.


[ QUOTE ]
continue to reassure her (in an NON ACCUSATORY manner) that whatever has happened you can work through.

[/ QUOTE ]


already done...and will continue to happen.
I said that I think we'll be okay and in a couple months or so this will probably be a non-issue for us.
I also said that I suspect it will make us stronger.
All the nice stuff....in-between the stupid paranoia.


[ QUOTE ]
You two obviously need to have a serious talk, you should probably tell her that if she has NO plans of getting back together then she should file for divorce, it is time.

[/ QUOTE ]



Now that he has given his consent she says she is doing it Monday or Tuesday.
She did this without me telling her that 'it is time'. She completely agrees.



[ QUOTE ]

Is there any chance she can come to the WSOP with you? That would probably be best.

[/ QUOTE ]



That would be freaking wonderful. And I hoped I could get her to come.
but she came with me to Mexico on the PPM at the end of March...and she came with me to Florida and New Orleans for 10 days or so at the end of May.
Her bills aren't going to pay for themselves and she just started her new job at a different hospital so she can't exactly be leaving right now.

[Stuey]

[ QUOTE ]
He's a big guy.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't know you and this is none of my business. But this pisses me off. Who gives a [censored] how big he is. He is a [censored] [censored]. And people have been letting him get away with [censored] for to dam [censored] long.

If you like this chick stand up for her. If you are afraid of this guy think how she feels. You don't have to beat him up you just have to stand up to him. If he turns it physical do your best. Take your licks like a man. You will surprise him and yourself.

Man I hate bullies. Kick his [censored] ass.

[MicroBob]

I would love too.
But I'm a lover, not a fighter.
And I have my doubts whether that would solve anything. It could likely just exaserbate the situation.

[johnnybeef]

[ QUOTE ]
"Three important rules for breaking up
Don’t put off breaking up when you know you want to
Prolonging the situation only makes it worse
Tell him honestly, simply, kindly, but firmly
Don’t make a big production
Don’t make up an elaborate story
This will help you avoid a big tear jerking scene
If you wanna date other people say so
Be prepared for the boy to feel hurt and rejected
Even if you’ve gone together for only a short time,
And haven’t been too serious,
There’s still a feeling of rejection
When someone says she preferres the company of others
To your exclusive company,
But if you’re honest, and direct,
And avoid making a flowery emotional speech when you brake the news,
The boy will respect you for your frankness,
And honestly he’ll apeciate the kind of straight foward manner
In which you told him your decision
Unless he’s a real jerk or a cry baby you will remain friends"

--Nada Surf "Popular"

[/ QUOTE ]


my advice to you (micro) is that gay men tend to be better at this type of situation than i am....but you have nothing to worry about. have her get the papers signed and then have a restraining order put on his ass. as a fellow pro poker player, the last thing you need is psychological unease....especially at wsop time.

[Stuey]

Yah don't look for a fight but be ready to if he starts it. Like man if you want to hang up on some goofy talking red neck then do it. If he wants to come over and kick your ass for it. Then it is better he is coming for you than hitting the girl. Which is what these types like to do.

I would move the GF in my house and then if he wants trouble he knows where to find it. 99% of these jerkoffs are all talk and even if he does kick your ass very unlikely he will kill you. Your going to feel good standing up to him win or lose. I just get mad as guys like this have been trying to pick on me my whole life. I learned to stand up to them and they don't like it! I rarely win the fight but they always know they been in one. If no one stands up to him he will keep picking on people he thinks are to scared to do anything.

[vanirra rice]

Confucius say: Stop committing adultery.

[MicroBob]

And to be clear...he didn't directly threaten me or anything.
He just had a threatening tone.
Same when he went to her place.
she didn't think he was going to hit her...just that he was pretty dramatic and it was very stressful.

She's super-stressed about this too and has all this guilt about the problem she has caused me.
I explained that she tried to get him to agree to the divorce the best method she knew how. She truly thought he would get over it after awhile...maybe date someone else...and then be agreeable.

So she went the direction she thought was best.
Who knows...maybe if she had insisted and persisted on the divorce he would have behaved even worse?
He knew very well that she wanted to get divorced. He just said, "I'm not divorcing because I think we can work it out." and she said "Nope" and then hoped he would eventually get a clue.

Anyway,
We have agreed that one more incident will be 'restraining-order' time.
Orignally after last night we didn't think it would be necessary since they ended the conversation with him agreeing to the divorce and then finally leaving when the brother basically said, "she has to work tomorrow. you need to leave or i'll call the cops."
he left without incident.
just all dramatic and crap before he finally calmed-down some.


btw - her brother isn't exactly king kong. Very quiet spoken. About 5-8 or 5-9 and maybe 140 pounds soaking-wet.

So maybe you're right. If HE can stand-up to this maybe I can too.
I don't want it to be all confrontational and get even more ugly though.

He made his "I'm still f'cking her" play and I'm hoping that's it.



BTW - after my drinks I do feel better and have hopes for us doing just dandy through all of this.
Calming down I guess.
If I learn that the ex really is truthful then we end it and I move from there. I completely agree there are plenty of fish in the dating pool....but I most certainly should not break-up with her because of this because we really do have somethig special going and are pretty damn crazy about each other.


FWIW - I believe I mentioned that she and I virtually NEVER fight...which is really unusual for me and my generally antagonistical nature.
I think she helps me be an even better person and vice-versa. We add to each others' strengths iow.

So we're definitely going to work this out.
We had our long talk on the phone tonight and I don't want it to be the focal point of EVERYTHING we do together.

Anyway, I have hopes that we'll be just fine...and if not then I'm such a wacky-romantic that I know I'll eventually find grand love again.

[MicroBob]

Also - I should say that I'm not entirely surprised...but the support here in this thread has been quite helpful so I thank you.

Obviously I was a bit shaky tonight and didn't really need that kind of adrenalaine kick.
But venting to you strangers out in 2+2-land has proved most therapeutic.

[bholdr]

cops? time for cops.