giving your gf money...

[DcifrThs]

ok, so here's the situation. my girlfriend gets paid biweekly. she doesn't have a lot of spending money as a result of breaking her ankle a few months back (dirtbiking). She has to pay the hospital bills and lives about 40 miles from work. so she drives 80miles/day in a saturn (probably 2003 model, maybe newer). I figure she gets on average 25miles/gallon and her tank holds less than 10 gallons (i filled it up once and was shocked how little it held). so basically we're looking at 200 or so mi/tank. so about 2 tanks for the work week + driving to see me. thats 2.25 tanks *3*8= about 50 bucks.

in the past (last time she visited) i stuck $40 in her purse for gas, she said thanks that was it. I buy her whatever she wants within reason when we go to the mall and take care of everything financially. i like spoiling her, makes me happy. but i dont want her to feel dependent or something like that...

which brings me to the point. i want to give her enough cash to easily get through the week w/o a problem. probably like $100 or $120 and fill her tank for her while she's here.

is this out of place? she lives at home and her parents dont give her anything except a place to live and some food, but no spending money at all. she basiclaly had to tap her available cash to pay hospital & piano & car payments. obviously, by my rambling i feel a bit weird about just giving her money, ya know? and i dont want her to feel like a prostitute or something. id rather not talk about it with her b/c its an unneccessary topic of discussion and it would make her likely feel worse about her situation...

so do i just put $100 or $120 in her purse before she leaves assuming she visits on saturday???

thanks,
Barron

[Vavavoom]

Give her money but tell her why you are doing it as opposed to making her feel like a "hooker".....

There's nothing wrong with trying to help her...Thats what "love" is about.....Just let her know its whilst she is on the mend...

You are making decent money playing [censored], so trying to aid her whilst she has the bad ankle isn't a bad gesture at all...

Only downside is you could be setting a precedent....

[jakethebake]

I've run into this before too. You really just want to do something nice for them, but you're afraid that the nice gesture will make them uncomfortable. Sometimes it does. How do you still do it without them feeling that way? Great question. [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[RollaJ]

You dont want her to feel like a whore, but you want to slip it into her purse whenever she leaves after a weekend with you?

You said she works and lives at home, why does she need extra money?

Id say if you want to help out (assuming youve been with her a while), give her a thousand and tell her she can pay you back when she has less cash flow problems. If you stay together you can obviously forget the money, if you dont tell her youll break the other ankle [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[Exitonly]

aslong as you think she's doing what she can to get money for herself i see no problem with you helping her out..it's oncec she starrts to rely on your money and doesnt try to sustain herself that you have a problem.

[DcifrThs]

[ QUOTE ]
I've run into this before too. You really just want to do something nice for them, but you're afraid that the nice gesture will make them uncomfortable. Sometimes it does. How do you still do it without them feeling that way? Great question. [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

thanks, any ideas??

Barron

[BoogerFace]

Maybe she needs a better paying job or a job closer to home?

A hundred a week is a lot of moola.

I think it's one thing to buy her clothes and gifts and pickup dinner tabs, but putting her on an allowance seems weird.

Why don't you pick her up and do the driving on weekends?

[Blarg]

She doesn't pay for food or rent, works, has you buy her stuff, and still needs money? Unless she's planning on breaking her ankle frequently, that doesn't sound like it will be an ongoing thing. If you want to help her out here and there, that's one thing, but if you make a habit or schedule of it, it has a chance of negatively impacting your relationship, making her feel or actually become to some extent dependent on you, and dependency almost always leads to buried resentment.

If your relationship is good, it doesn't need the extra money in it. But the extra money, unless it's a really sporadic thing, could wind up harming the relationship. It may feel good to give it out in the short run, but lead to bad feelings in the long run.

It really sucks to even begin to think about anything like this negatively, and I'm sure there will be flames for my saying all that, because nobody would like to think about the negative sides of how money can unbalance a relationship, and it might hit a nerve. But money is actually one of the major reasons relationships come apart, as well as come together in the wrong way. It can be better to keep it from ever being a factor at all. I imagine she did fine before you and can do fine without you, so there's no sense putting your elbow on the scale by adding money to the mix, even if it's with the best of intentions, unless it's done very sporadically.

[mslif]

You seem very kind and this is a very generous thought.
That being said, she works, does not have pay bills other than gas, piano lesson and pay for her doctor for her broken ankle (which is only temporary). It seems to me that she should learn to budget her money. Giving her money will not help her be more responsible about it.
I understand that you love her and want to help her but I do not think this is the right thing to do.
If she is broke, then she needs to find a new job. Giving her money is too easy.

[sfer]