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#21
10-15-2005, 11:54 PM
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Re: Consoling a friend
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] You could always give him a blow job. [/ QUOTE ] Up until recently, the answer would have been SIIHP. [/ QUOTE ] I considered that first. But there's just something more consoling aboiut a blow job. 
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#22
10-15-2005, 11:58 PM
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Re: Consoling a friend
[ QUOTE ]
I don't think drinking is a good idea. I would simply suggesting listening to him if he wants to talk. A lot of people in these situations just want to rant and get it out. Let him do that and don't try to be too critical of him even if he's wrong. Wait to point out where he went wrong until later. edit: wanted to add that if he doesn't want to talk about it you should watch a movie or something like that, where you aren't just sitting there with the elephant in the room and little to discuss. [/ QUOTE ] Right. This isn't a situation that can be solved with a night out on the town. His thoughts are going to be else where for a long time. I echo what the hippy says, he's undoubtedly a sensitive guy who knows of such things, beyond that if you do go out I would keep it somewhat simple with a movie or other activity where he can just escape his thoughts for an hour or so.
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#23
10-15-2005, 11:58 PM
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Re: Consoling a friend
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] You could always give him a blow job. [/ QUOTE ] Up until recently, the answer would have been SIIHP. [/ QUOTE ] I considered that first. But there's just something more consoling aboiut a blow job. [/ QUOTE ] I agree. Nothing says "I love you" like a good old BJ.
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#24
10-16-2005, 12:02 AM
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Re: Consoling a friend
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] You could always give him a blow job. [/ QUOTE ] Up until recently, the answer would have been SIIHP. [/ QUOTE ] I considered that first. But there's just something more consoling aboiut a blow job. [/ QUOTE ] I agree. Nothing says "I love you" like a good old BJ. [/ QUOTE ] And it's totally not queer in this situation.
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#25
10-16-2005, 12:11 AM
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Re: Consoling a friend
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] You could always give him a blow job. [/ QUOTE ] Up until recently, the answer would have been SIIHP. [/ QUOTE ] I considered that first. But there's just something more consoling aboiut a blow job. [/ QUOTE ] I agree. Nothing says "I love you" like a good old BJ. [/ QUOTE ] And it's totally not queer in this situation. [/ QUOTE ] Well... maybe a little. But not that there is anything wrong with that.
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#26
10-16-2005, 12:13 AM
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Re: Consoling a friend
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But not that there is anything wrong with that. [/ QUOTE ] I mean that's fine if that's who you are...
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#27
10-16-2005, 12:19 AM
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Re: Consoling a friend
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] But not that there is anything wrong with that. [/ QUOTE ] I mean that's fine if that's who you are... [/ QUOTE ] It's a Seinfeld quote. I assume you get it.
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#28
10-16-2005, 12:19 AM
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Re: Consoling a friend
For me, the best way to get through trauma that isn't incapacitating is by burying myself in work or otherwise just keeping really busy. Whether it's fun or not, it keeps me from obssessing on things, which is where the real downward spiral threatens to begin. After swamping myself with work for a while, having a few nights sleep etc., when I do start to think about things more, I feel more like I'm dealing with the shock waves and not facing right into the bright heat and impact of the explosion and getting totally emotionally devastated. Some things are just really hard to take at first, especially if you're the obssessive type like me who multiplies the pain many times over by circling it around in his head and just killing himself with it.
It's not really in anyone's control when and how hard the emotional impact will well up in someone. You have to give them time to feel bad and not deny the legitimacy of their feelings by doing a hardcore "cheer up!" attack. Their hard emotional time is just something that's going to demand its space here and there, and should be given it. That's natural and not unhealthy. But if you in the meantime can keep his mind busy, it can help to keep him from socially withdrawing or brooding over the matter and just aggravating it that way. Doing active sports and outdoors things can help a lot too. Get him feeling good physically for that mental carry-over effect, as well as tiring him out so he can sleep easier. Everybody's different, so there's no real reliable plan. Don't blame yourself too much if the guy's misery isn't something you have much luck making better. It's being a good friend just to try.
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#29
10-16-2005, 12:20 AM
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Re: Consoling a friend
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Ouch. That really sucks. There's really nothing you can say or do in these situations, except offer your company. Talk to him if he wants to talk, if not just sit there and watch TV or whatever. I advise against the drinking because there is no way it's going to turn out well. Drinking in these situations is not a good idea. [/ QUOTE ] Yeah drinking could turn things incredibly ugly.
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#30
10-16-2005, 12:27 AM
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Re: Consoling a friend
[ QUOTE ]
I don't think drinking is a good idea. I would simply suggesting listening to him if he wants to talk. A lot of people in these situations just want to rant and get it out. Let him do that and don't try to be too critical of him even if he's wrong. Wait to point out where he went wrong until later. edit: wanted to add that if he doesn't want to talk about it you should watch a movie or something like that, where you aren't just sitting there with the elephant in the room and little to discuss. [/ QUOTE ] I agree with what I think is part of the emphasis here. Get the hell out of the house and don't get into parsing the fine details of what could be taken as his failure. Don't just let there be a heavy silence and boredom hanging around that he can fill with brooding over his misery.
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