Do I have issues?

[Indiana]

I've always been very competitive in life. Was on the football and wrestling teams in H.S. and top of my class in undergraduate. I even chose to go to the toughest grad. school in my field just for the challenge and prestige. Now I am entering the poker world, been playin 1.5 years and all I want in life is to be the very best at it. I've won well over 40K since starting and my abilities grow every day. My major problem is fatigue (have started exercising and eating better) and tilt, but not understanding of strategy. I'd venture to say that if I could get my wackjob brain in its optimal form consistently, both B. Greenstein and D. Negreanu would suffer to me on the felt. Long story short, my life has changed significantly since poker entered it. Now I have no aspirations in my current job (I make good $) and my marriage/social life is practically ruined. Scary thing is, I don't even care. I just want to pursue my poker project and become the best. Never really liked being married anyway. Now I am thinking of quitting my job and completely indulging myself in the game to become the best. After playing in the WSOP this year, I realized that I have the tools but would have to completely marry this game to be at a professional level of play.

Do I sound like a guy headed for disaster? Do I sound f-ed up?

Thanks in advance,

Indy

[Dave H.]

I would guess that beachbum's post inspired this post by you, correct?

Indiana, I wish I had your talent. I am a winning player, but nowhere near where you are.

One thing I would ask you to do, though, is this:
Let's assume that you fulfilled your dream...i.e. you made it to the WSOP finals and maybe even won. How would you feel a month later knowing that, in the process, you lost your friends and your wife because all of them knew flat out that your goal, your dream, was more important to you than they were.

There you are, in your room, counting your money...but where is everyone else?

[Myst]

[ QUOTE ]
I've always been very competitive in life. Was on the football and wrestling teams in H.S. and top of my class in undergraduate. I even chose to go to the toughest grad. school in my field just for the challenge and prestige. Now I am entering the poker world, been playin 1.5 years and all I want in life is to be the very best at it. I've won well over 40K since starting and my abilities grow every day. My major problem is fatigue (have started exercising and eating better) and tilt, but not understanding of strategy. I'd venture to say that if I could get my wackjob brain in its optimal form consistently, both B. Greenstein and D. Negreanu would suffer to me on the felt. Long story short, my life has changed significantly since poker entered it. Now I have no aspirations in my current job (I make good $) and my marriage/social life is practically ruined. Scary thing is, I don't even care. I just want to pursue my poker project and become the best. Never really liked being married anyway. Now I am thinking of quitting my job and completely indulging myself in the game to become the best. After playing in the WSOP this year, I realized that I have the tools but would have to completely marry this game to be at a professional level of play.

Do I sound like a guy headed for disaster? Do I sound f-ed up?

Thanks in advance,

Indy

[/ QUOTE ]

The fact that you are at least questioning the type you lifestyle you are current leading is a good start. Prioritize. Evaluate what is truly important to you, what you truly value, and go from there. What is poker to you? Is poker the be-all end-all?

[Marlow]

Poker is no substitute for living. It's important to be driven at poker. You may very well have more potential than the best in the game... who knows. You want to quit your job because it's boring? Go for it. You can always go back to your field. Nothing wrong with that.

But what you described sounds like a problem if you aren't enjoying life, or you are losing your connections with people who matter to you. Don't use your desire to win and improve as a standin for dealing with your marital issues or work issues or whatever. To me, this sounds just like addictive behavior. Addicts use their drug to get away from the things that they don't want to deal with.

And with that said, i should get back to work...

Marlow

[Indiana]

Yah man, I have thought about this. I guess I would be sort of lonely and then look to replace the things that I had shedded in order to be the best. I guess with 7.5 million dollars I could easily buy that house in Vegas and perhaps even get Evelyn Ng to go out with me...But would that replace the relationship with my wife that I blew. Evy would never really love me like my wife would. I really think that I have trouble with balance. Here's the thing, I don't really play enough poker (only 15 hrs perweek) so I blame this for my inability to sit in the big game. I just think that experience is so important in this game and you have to play lots of tourneys to hit it big where u can comfortably quit your job and play poker. Thing is, I went out with a good hand at the WSOP on day 2 and I know that if I played it a few more times I could make the $, perhaps even get very deep. But how, how will I achieve these goals with this dam 9-5 job, all these bills, and a high maintenance wife like I have? Don't I have to run away from these things to realize my goals?

Indy

[Dave H.]

[ QUOTE ]
But how, how will I achieve these goals with this dam 9-5 job, all these bills, and a high maintenance wife like I have? Don't I have to run away from these things to realize my goals?


[/ QUOTE ]

I think the better question is:
Where would I be if I realized my goals but ran away from all those close to me to get there?

I can't answer your question, but I certainly can answer mine, and I think that's what you have to do, just like countless others who reached their goals only to look back at those people that were destroyed in the process. And, of course, the major destruction occurred in themselves.

Why not level with your lady? If you haven't communicated (and I mean DEEPLY) with her about the importance of this goal, why not do it now? Tell her how it feels and how excited you are. See if you can't reach some kind of compromise. If you can somehow involve her, and if she can be your cheerleader, think of how great that could be.

Don't expect her to completely give in though because she won't. But if you involve her in the decision, you'll be light years ahead of "My Way or the Highway". If she really loves you, and it sounds like she does, she WILL allow you to go for it assuming, of course, that you keep her #1 and that you continue to be a winning player and that you live up to your side of whatever agreement you reach.

[Indiana]

See this is what really pisses me off, how the hell did you guys all end up so dam mentally healthy? The advice here is great, prolly much better than I could give. You guys actually disect problems and try to help unlike the guys on the OOT forum who try to tear ur heart out.

Thanks,

Indy

[Dave H.]

Maybe we've all made stupid mistakes and learned from them.
Hope you do the right thing.

[beachbum]

Indy, I'll share a bit of what I experienced with you.

I was an engineer working in Peoria, IL. I didn't hate my job, but it also didn't give me a reason to leap out of bed in the morning. I had a lot of great friends, an active social life, hit the gym, played lots of sports, etc. I made a lot of money compared with the cost of living there. But I quit to pursue a passion of daytrading, and because I was never really satisfied living in that small of a town.

Then, I moved to Cali where I loved my job...at first. The problem was that my social life was nonexistant, the stress became huge after a few months, I rarely worked out or played sports. My life became completely unbalanced. I thought "well before my job kinda sucked, but the rest of my life was pretty cool. Now my job is great, but the rest of my life sucks." After a short while I started to hate my job and my life. I had trouble sleeping for the first time ever. I became a hypochondriac. Things were pretty miserable.

My point is that picture your life like a wagon wheel. Each spoke is an important part of your life. Now if a spoke or two is missing or rotting, the wheel can still roll. It will roll kinda funny and lopsided, but still roll. However, if enough spokes starting breaking and collapsing, the wheel itself becomes broken and just plain doesn't work anymore. This is despite if one of the spokes is made out of titanium and is incredibly strong.

[Dave H.]

...and I hope your strongest spoke will be your relationship with your wife.

Great metaphor, beach!