Do we buy him an ass wiper? (seriously) - Page 7

CollinEstes · #61 11-22-2005, 05:59 PM

I had a discussion about this a long time ago with a friend and we determined that people that fat probabably have to do one of two things.

1.) Shower after every dump.

2.) Use a beach towel, imagine flossing.

Rduke55 · #62 11-22-2005, 06:00 PM

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Boss: Do you dump wherever you're standing, or do you use toilets? Or, do you use some magical Centaur toilet?

Centaur: We use regular bathrooms.

Boss: Do you use special Centaur toilet paper?

Centaur: Nope. We use nortmal toilet paper.

Boss: How do you reach back there.. to wipe yourself?

Centaur: Uh.. there is a device we use, it's called an Aubesian - it's a stainless steel telescoping rod, with gripper claws, and a sort of toggle line that allows you to move the paper back and forth.

Boss: So.. there's a company that manufactures Centaur asswipers?

Centaur: Aubesians, yes. Um.. there's a store that's a sort of crate-and-barrel for Centaurs, called Aubesians & Such.. there's one on 57th Street.

Boss: I've seen that establishment.

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What is the centaur thing from, because I find it pleasing.

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It's from an SNL sketch featuring Christopher Walken.

Buy or rent the Best of SNL: feautring Christopher Walken. You won't regret it.

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I was disappointed they didn't have "Stalktalk" on it.

#63 11-22-2005, 06:01 PM

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We had a guy at work like this. He reaked of [censored] all the time. I was convinced that it was because he had huge biceps, a large gut, and fairly short arms. It seemed like it would be near impossible for him to reach his ass with the way his body was constructed.

He smelled like when you're driving out in the country and you go buy a farm that is spreading pig manure.

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How often do you buy pig manure spreading farms?

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Sigh. I really need to hire a proof-reader.

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No one else called you out so I appointed myself to do it.

#64 11-25-2005, 02:03 AM

here's a guy that leaves a memento of the digestive process so profound that you, i, and all the other fine humanitarians among us are perplexed and awestruck.

hey, with that kind of greatness, who needs to wipe his ass? did shakespeare wipe his ass? did newton wipe his ass? no, i say, no. prize the man! have a log bronzed in his honor!

Mason Hellmuth · #65 11-25-2005, 02:21 AM

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is this guy foreign? i've noticed that alot of countries don't seem to have discovered the art of ass wiping.

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No, he is from PA.

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This probably explains it after all!

oddjob · #66 11-25-2005, 02:27 AM

2 stories

1. i was taking a dump at work, and the guy next to me went to the toilet paper at least a dozen times to wipe his ass. i was so sure his toilet was going to overflow and drench the floor with [censored] and toilet paper water, that i lifted my legs up in preparation. this was when i realized he has a new son, and that one day he will teach his kid to wad up his toilet paper and use half a roll of tp.

2. there was this fat dude that was in the room next door, and smelled so bad that the odor was strong even with their door closed. he dropped out of school halfway throught the 1st semester and that was when we realized it was his skinny roommate that smelled so bad.

i really have no idea what point i was trying to make with either of these.

reo · #67 11-25-2005, 02:46 AM

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2. there was this fat dude that was in the room next door, and smelled so bad that the odor was strong even with their door closed. he dropped out of school halfway throught the 1st semester and that was when we realized it was his skinny roommate that smelled so bad.

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You sure he didn't switch rooms? I don't know why I asked this question.

PITTM · #68 11-25-2005, 04:48 AM

i thought this thread was gonna be about kurosh...

rj

ohnonotthat · #69 11-25-2005, 05:47 AM

Wait until you're sure Mike is in one of the stalls and walk in with a friend and say in a friendly way to your friend, "I think there's some guy who is taking dumps and not wiping his a$$; I mean it's none of my business but I remember what happened when I used to do that - three weeks in that f---ing hospital laying on my stomach the entire time".

You said he was a nice enough guy; this should alert him to the problem with the situation without hurting his feelings.

Hard as it may be to believe there are some intelligent people who are as dumb as horse hair when it comes to everyday stuff. In most cases the parents are to blame but that is another topic for another time.

ohnonotthat · #70 11-25-2005, 06:06 AM

You may be crushing the game now but the varience in high-ante stud is so huge you cannot be certain that you are even a long-run winner.

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Oops, wrong forum.

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PARTY is fixed !

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Are you sure that it's HIS sh1t you're smelling ?

You might want to see whether guys (or girls) are walking out of his room hunched over and wincing.

Then again, if his addiction to being on the receiving end of the ol' strap-on is severe it stands to reason he's going to have a small problem with, um, "leakage".