TC

[CardSharpCook]

Enjoyed the latest installment. One minor complaint: You've changed Brandon's role. There was no reason to suspect any of this earlier. We knew that someone in Vegas was concerned about "an elder", but there was no connection to Brandon. It is kinda like we have skipped the chapter in which we first are given reason to be suspicious of Brandon and then learn that he is connected to the conspiracy to snuff elders.

specifically:
[ QUOTE ]
However, Dave has told TC that Brandon and his friends want to kill genies to keep the games soft and keep making money. Indeed, Dave suspects that Brandon has motives other than just being nice.

[/ QUOTE ]

We did not know this....


However, your writing style is as enjoyable as ever. Two examples:
[ QUOTE ]
but his main concern was with Bad Jon.

"What's the problem? Other than him having a terribly cliched name and description, of course," asked TC.

"He doesn't seem like he's required in the entire set-up," replied Dave. "I must be missing something very obvious."

[/ QUOTE ]
Brilliant!!!!

[ QUOTE ]
Also, 'of' is not a verb."

[/ QUOTE ]

I love the subtle humor (though that humor is lost by taking this excerpt out of context). Dave is good at this and it works very well.


Looking forward to seeing TC at the Final Table!
[img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Good work again, Lori.

[Lori]

Hi CardSharpCook,

Thanks as usual for the critique.

There was a small passage at the end of episode V...

[ QUOTE ]
The Genie looked restless.

"I shouldn't have done this. I'm not quite sure I can explain it," he sighed. "Also, that Brandon guy worries me."

"I meant to ask you about him. He seems to have an idea that you exist," said TC.

"There are people around who are not what they seem. They want to get rid of the Genies forever. Thankfully we are rather hard to kill," explained Dave.

"Why would they want to do that?" asked TC, genuinely concerned for his mentor.

"Genies teach good poker to uneducated losers. They would rather we didn't do it."



[/ QUOTE ]


Also in Episode III.

[ QUOTE ]
"Don't do it," said Dave, but it was too late. TC had already agreed.

"You will fly out tomorrow at noon." continued Brandon . "Your tickets and bankroll will be waiting at the airport. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to try to win this seat," he concluded, and with that turned around and headed back to the bar.

After a few paces down the street, Brandon turned around and imparted one last piece of advice. "You might want to stop talking to yourself in public," he noted and then headed back to his game.

"Another fine mess," sighed Dave, but he would not go into more detail.



[/ QUOTE ]

I'm not claiming people _should_ have worked it out from these two passages, but at least there was a clue or two [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

I am trying my utmost hardest to keep down the continuity errors.
There will be fewer and fewer big ones(I hope) as the series takes better shape. (Although likely more and more small ones as there is more to mess up)

I do confess to having a writing style that "Hits and runs", if a joke is very vague so that only a few people will get it, I tend to leave it that way. Dwelling on it only seems to admit it is a bad joke... and if it's bad, then why dwell on it [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

Lori

[mosquito]

Am awaiting the final installment, eagerly if you must.

When might it be anticipated?

[Lori]

I'm hoping that Ed/Mason will allow me to continue to write TC articles until I run out of ideas.
I do hope however to have different TC stories.

The current storyline will probably run for quite a while yet as I feel that I have only really just got into the actual story. I would estimate that we are around halfway through before anything major changes, and I'm afraid I wouldn't like to be any less vague on either the time, or the changes.

Lori

[CardSharpCook]

Oh, wow, we could have an future in which there is no Dave.... Well, TC is the first thing I read every month, keep up the good work.