Favorite lines from Seinfeld

[Phoenix1010]

George: "I don't want hope. Hope is killing me. My dream is to become hopeless. When you're hopeless you don't care. And when you don't care, that indifference makes you attractive."
Jerry: "So, hopelessness is the key?"
George: "It's my only hope."

[jack spade23]

Hellooooo!!!

[BWebb]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Don't remember it word for word, but the part where Kramer is talking to Jerry about how something was unbelievable. Kramer said something to the affect:

"Is it?!? Or is it so possible, I just blew your mind?!?"

I'm sure someone will remember the rant better than me.

[/ QUOTE ]

Jerry: Ah, you're crazy.
Cosmo Kramer: Am I? Or am I so sane that you just blew your mind?
Jerry: It's impossible.
Cosmo Kramer: Is it? Or is it so possible that your head is spinning like a top?
Jerry: It can't be.
Cosmo Kramer: Can't it? Or is your entire world just crashing down all around you?
Jerry: All right, that's enough.

[/ QUOTE ]

That's it! Awesome.

[Russ McGinley]

NEWMAN: June 14, 1987.... Mets Phillies. We're enjoying a beautiful afternoon in the right field stands when a crucial Hernandez error to a five run Phillies ninth. Cost the Mets the game.

KRAMER: Our day was ruined. There was a lot of people, you know, they were waiting by the player's parking lot. Now we're coming down the ramp ... Newman was in front of me. Keith was coming toward us, as he passes Newman turns and says, " Nice game pretty boy.". Keith continued past us up the ramp.

NEWMAN: A second later, something happened that changed us in a deep and profound way front that day forward.

ELAINE: What was it?

KRAMER: He spit on us.... and I screamed out, "I'm hit!"

NEWMAN: Then I turned and the spit ricochet of him and it hit me.

ELAINE: Wow! What a story.

JERRY: Unfortunately the immutable laws of physics contradict the whole premise of your account. Allow me to reconstruct this if I may for Miss Benes as I've heard this story a number of times.

JERRY: Newman, Kramer, if you'll indulge me. According to your story Keith passes you and starts walking up the ramp then you say you were struck on the right temple. The spit then proceeds to ricochet off the temple striking Newman between the third and forth rib. The spit then cam off the rib turned and hit Newman in the right wrist causing him to drop his baseball cap. The spit then splashed off the wrist, Pauses In mid air mind you- makes a left turn and lands on Newman's left thigh. That is one magic loogie.

NEWMAN: Well that's the way it happened.

JERRY: What happened to your head when you got hit?

KRAMER: Well. uh, well my head went back and to the left

JERRY: Again

KRAMER: Back and to the left

JERRY: Back and to the left Back and to the left

ELAINE: So, what are you saying?

JERRY: I am saying that the spit could not have come from behind ... that there had to have been a second spitter behind the bushes on the gravelly road. If the spitter was behind you as you claimed that would have caused your head to pitch forward.

ELAINE: So the spit could have only come from the front and to the right.

JERRY: But that is not what they would have you believe.

NEWMAN: I'm leavin'. Jerry's a nut.

KRAMER: Wait, wait,

JERRY: The sad thing is we may never know the real truth.

[Sponger15SB]

[ QUOTE ]
the whole naked woman speach delivered by Kramer in The Contest episode

[/ QUOTE ]

JERRY: (Nodding) Yes. Yes I am. (Kramer chuckles) Master of my domain. But I will tell you this: I am going over to(Gestures to the nudist) her apartment, and I'm tellin' her to put those shades down!

KRAMER: Woah, woah, woah. What-what did you just say?

JERRY: I can't take it anymore! She's driving me crazy! I can't sleep, I can't leave the house, and I' here, I'm climbin' the walls. Meanwhile, I'm dating a virgin, I'm in this contest - something's gotta give!

KRAMER: Do you hear what you're saying?! Can you hear it?! (Jerry puts on his coat) This is a beautiful woman walking around naked, and you want to tell her tostop?! That's the dumbest thing I ever heard! I mean, think comprehens- I'm not gonna let you do it.

JERRY: (Persistent) Well, I'm doin' it, get out of my way.

KRAMER: (Stopping him) No, no, no, no. You can't! You can't! This is something that comes about once in a lifetime! When we were boys, looking through our bedroom windows, we would think: "Why can't there be a woman out there, taking her clothes off?" And now that wish's come true, and you want to (Makes a

noise) throw it away?!

JERRY: Look, I'm sorry-

KRAMER: No, I'm not gonna let you do it, Jerry.

JERRY: Kramer, (Trying to pass him) get outta my way!

KRAMER: (Frantic) No, no, no. Don't do it. Don't do it! For my sake! God knows I don't ask you for much! (Pleading) Now, come on. Please, Jerry. Please! I'm beggin' ya! Please! (Claps hands) Come on! Please!

[jakethebake]

"And now as Festivus rolls on, we come to the feats of strength."

[DeezNuts]

Steinbrenner: Mrs. Costanza?
Estelle: Yes?
Steinbrenner: My name is George Steinbrenner, I'm afraid I have some very sad news about your son.
Estelle: (gasps)
(Costanza living room)
Estelle: I can't believe it. He was so young. How could this have happened?
Steinbrenner: Well, he'd been logging some pretty heavy hours, first one in the morning, last one to leave at night. That kid was a human dynamo.
Estelle: Are you sure you're talking about George?
Steinbrenner: You are Mr. and Mrs. Costanza?
Frank: What the hell did you trade Jay Buhner for?! He had 30 home runs and over 100 RBIs last year. He's got a rocket for an arm. You don't know what the hell you're doin'!

[swede123]

Poppy's been sloppy...

Swede

[RacersEdge]

"We went out for dinner, I had the lobster brisque - a little too salty, we went back to my place, and yada yada yada, I never saw him again."

[Bulldog]

"And you want to be my latex salesman..."

"George is getting angry!"

"I don't think you wanna get hurt. Because if you wanna get hurt I can hurt you. Now, just back off."

"You kept making all the stops?" "People kept ringing the bell!"