A worried brother asking for help

ngmucker · #1 12-20-2005, 02:35 AM

Hello, I'm writing this post concerning a very severe gambling problem my little brother has. I know this is a long post, but please bear with me. He is a 21 year old student at a very prestigious college on the east coast and he have a very severe gambling problem. He has been playing online for about a year and a half and in that time has gained about 45 pounds and has had a very bad drop in his grades. He may be like many prototypical internet players who was a straight A student in H.S., got a 1560 on his SAT, was editor of his newspaper and very ambitious. But, he is a compulsive gambler. His problem can be summarized with what happened over a two day course last week: he deposited 1k into a website, built it up to 60K (playing just ring games) and proceeded to lose all that, along with about 12K of my money (which right now is the least of my concerns) and is no also 5K in debt to various sites. I am at my wit's end. This has been his M.O. since he has started playing: chasing losses, playing outside his BR, and tilting to severe extremese where he is no longer playing poker, but simply gambling. He would win and lose thousands a month, in a revolving cycle. I knew this for a while, but perhaps I was just in denial, or didn't know the full force. I am here asking for help. He is currently back home (LA) on winter break. He has started seeing a therapist, and we have discussed his going to GA. I just need to know what else I can do, for I feel helpless. I, along with my older brother and two cousins (who are practically our borthers) are all on the west coast and I feel he needs tremendous support when he restarts school next semester. I don't want this to ruin his life. I may be overdramatizing it, but I feel he has a sickness. Has anybody personally dealt with this or knows anybody who has? Any pieces of advice you can give me? How likely is it that he can recover without relapsing? One of the biggest problems is that he is currently broke, and I keep telling him that he mustn't feel that poker is the way to win it back, for that will just add fuel to the fire. I'm just really concerned. thank you for reading through this long email. I will happily answer all questions. All help is appreciated.

Thanks

#2 12-20-2005, 02:54 AM

it is great that you are getting him help. It is going to be hard for him to stop if he is so far away from home. With all the freedom in college its really EASY to gamble all the time and become obessed without realizing it. I have been having problems with this as well. Have you thought about having him transfer to a school close to home?

ngmucker · #3 12-20-2005, 02:59 AM

Thanks for the reply. I have thought about that, but he is currently a junior, and it's probably too late. I realize all the free time in college, and realize how easy it is to get messed up in all this, so I'm trying to figure out what other outlets there are for him: working out, trying to get straight A's, girls even. Thanks for the concern

#4 12-20-2005, 03:08 AM

Yeah that is pretty late if he is a junior. I am in my senior year and have had problems with cards. I actually am going to have to stay an extra semester because of it. Its hard to find an outlet because it consumes you. It may start as being an outlet them become an obsession. Some things that you once enjoy dont seem to matter as much. I am an all-american in track at a d3 school, and I was slacking with workouts and even quit the team for a few months. I would have NEVER done any of that if it was not for poker. Once the poker issue is taken care of other things should return to normal. There is no outlet in his mind.

ngmucker · #5 12-20-2005, 03:11 AM

Thanks again for the reply. So how are you coping with it? Another problem is the glamorization of poker in magazines and TV. He made so much money at some points, and now he lieterally has none. Its just gonna be so easy to relapse. I mean, even when he is there, I try to talk to him a couple times a day, but I can't always be there. I dunno, I'm just scare for him.

#6 12-20-2005, 03:33 AM

I am doing a lot better than I was although there are some days when I have to literally pull myself away from the computer to the gym or to class. I generally do not play as much, and I keep realistic expectations in poker. I see it for what it is, a game.

I had unrealistic expectations for myself because 1 of my friends plays pro and the other semi pro. Getting quick, easy money is prob what has attracted me the most, but I realize that shooting for poker as a profession in not a good idea. I also do not let it upset me as much if I lose. I would sometimes feel apathetic or depressed after a big loss. It is rough. I still play a fair amount now but I feel like I have more CONTROL. Which is the biggest game. You cant let the game CONTROL you.

Reef · #7 12-20-2005, 06:35 AM

Send a condensed version of this post to every single poker site you can find on the net. Be sure to include his name and reiterate the fact that he has a gambling problem and needs to be banned.

chesspain · #8 12-20-2005, 07:40 AM

How did he manage to lose 12K of your money?

#9 12-20-2005, 09:27 PM

[ QUOTE ]
How did he manage to lose 12K of your money?

[/ QUOTE ]
Exactly what I was thinking. He didn't steal the money from you, did he? Did you lend it to him? Because lending money to a compulsive gambler is like buying heroin to an addict. But this is old news, of course.

#10 12-21-2005, 07:01 AM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
How did he manage to lose 12K of your money?

[/ QUOTE ]
Exactly what I was thinking. He didn't steal the money from you, did he? Did you lend it to him? Because lending money to a compulsive gambler is like buying heroin to an addict. But this is old news, of course.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'd like to know how he is 5K in debt to various sites? They don't extend credit. This line alone makes me doubt the story.