girls are annoying

[jba]

I haven't read any responses but if the answer to any question of the form:

- ask her ________

is no, I'd just end it.

[Pyromaniac]

um, ok, some thoughts. Just to confirm for you the "creep photographer" angle: professional photogs who do nude shoots pay the models and move on. If it's a calendar, there's 11 more girls to shoot. And then there's the next project after that. It's about making money, not getting girls naked. They don't take them out to dinner, watch movies, hang out together.

InchoateHand says:

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Yeah, thats why I get involved with women

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Harsh...but true here. She's young. *You're* young. Eight months, particularly long distance, is *nothing*.

Jdanz and MyTurn2Raise make good points too, though way on the other side of things.

Here's your set of choices, I think.

You can say, Hey, posing nude is cool, having friends is cool...but being in a long-distance relationship with me and doing boyfriend-girlfriend things (see above under "unprofessional photog behavior") with local guys is not cool. And either y'all figure it out, or you don't. And then you break up. And either she sleeps with him or she doesn't.

Or, you decide that you *must* stay with her, no matter what, and you put up with the fact that she's a girl, not a woman. In other words, that she's got her own oats to sow...maybe she *is* attracted to this guy and just doesn't want to admit it or realize it. In that case, you get whatever you get. (Heartache, probably, but I digress.)

A real longterm relationship is built on mutual agreement, decisionmaking, and understanding. You can't control whether she poses nude for other guys, goes to dinner with other guys, watches movies with other guys, or f***s other guys...but you *can* decide whether or not she does these things while in a relationship with you. But to do that, you have to be willing to walk away from terms that aren't acceptable to you.

Pyro

(sidenote: keep in mind, every relationship is different...for some people, all of the above would be acceptable.)

[MrTrik]

You are a doormat. I would have dumped her instead of posting here in OOT.

She got naked for the guy. He's treating her like a gf. She thinks that's ok.

Face it man, she either already rode him like a bucking bronco, or she will soon.

I'd be gone already. No need to talk feelings. No need for ultimatums.

She made her choices you need to make yours.

[Dominic]

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ill make this quick. together 4 months. break up for 2 weeks. during those 2 weeks she poses naked for a calender (right...) however it never gets published. now we've been together for 4 more months. Thing is, she is friends with this guy who took pictures of her. naked. he takes her out to dinner and buys. they watch movies together. can i, with justification, do any of the following:
1. ask her if they ever had feelings for each other
2. ask her if they ever hooked up/were in a relationship
3. ask her if he is a complete dork and i have nothing to worry about
4. call her a whore (please say yes)

WHat would you do? How can I explain to her how much this bothers me? Would it bother you?
BTW I am in Tacoma finishing up school and she graduated. We have plans to live together next year when i go to dental school.

Kyle

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Jesus Christ, when did the american male become such a pussy?

Break up with her NOW. There is NO REASON for her to be friends with that guy, AT ALL. No reason for him to buy her meals or go to the movies together UNLESS THEY ARE/WERE/WILL BE FUKING. Period.

Grow a set and tell her the score.

God, I'm embarrassed for all mankind.

[Dominic]

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the [censored]? come on, putting your foot down here makes you a big tool, if you're going to live with this girl pick your battles. If she's gonna hook up with the guy you're allready [censored], if she's worth dating at all that's not a concern. The only way to lose this battle is to make it one.

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jesus, this is so wrong in so many ways.

[Peter666]

"she insists that she'll leave the instant i cheat on her and she'll never, ever, cheat on me. hmmm"

Lies, all lies.

[Peter666]

This advice is such utter bullshit I am speechless. Luckily I can still type. It is obvious, IrishPint, that you are just looking for consolation and crappy reasoning to justify your emotions when your reason has already told you that the girl is garbage.

JDanz, you must be a woman.

Irish, do you honestly think you will be able to look this girl in the eyes years from now, the mother of your children, the one whom you love and cherish and have given everything too, and not be effected by the fact that some creepy college teacher screwed the [censored] out of her with her full knowledge and pleasure? Get real.

[Jdanz]

ok let's look at it from our side.

I have female friends who i find physically attractive, who A) i have hooked up with or B) would hook up with in the future.

I am still friends with these people, and if they were to get in a relationship with someone else they wouldn't AT THE SAME TIME hook up with me.

'Cause they're decent human beings.

So for arguements sake i'll take a stab at the other side. Most propose dump the girl and move on. Ok now why is this a reasonable solution. Our OP clearly cares a lot about the girl, and believes that she cares a lot about him. I won't go so far to say if that's true or not, i don't know.

Now the OP is in a somewhat difficult situation his girlfriend is going to dinner with some guy who likes her. This is not a completely unreasonable action ESPECIALLY because he thinks his girlfriend doesn't believe the guy is attractred to her.

Now i say it's a tool thing to dump a girlfriend out of insequrity that she might like somebody better then she likes you when she gives NO indication that might be the case. Hell maybe she does, but the pre-emptive dump is simply a move meant to totally preclude the OP from getting hurt, and if people are capable of making the first move to cut ties whenever there is a remote possibility of getting hurt, then they're never going to have a relationship they're just going to be occasionally getting laid.

I agree with dom on a lot of things, and also about making clear where you stand on issues, but really this is a non-issue and any dumping the girl is pure ego and posturing.

Again, my advice, have a girlfriend, treat her like a reasonable human being. That's not to say act submissive or be walked on, but there's a HUGE difference between actually respecting her decsions and submitting to her will.

To make it more clear, you look like a tool if you voice a strenous objection and she says hey i have my own life as well. Then you have to A) dump her or B) back down over something you've made it clear you feel strongly about (which everyone will agree has all sorts of negative consequences), and she has every right to stand up for herself here.

Seriously he cares about the girl, what are his options?

everyone says dump her (simply terrible advice meant to save face rather then help the OP)

say something.

If you demand she stops doing anything either she doesn't (sucks for you) or she does (still sucks for you) because those ultra-possesive i'll tell you who you can't hang out with relationships are pretty petty, and you'll never have anything but the most surface trust if you have to confine her circles of contact to feel safe.

For every guy you find out about there are 10 you don't, rather then trying to prevent her from meeting other people, be a decent enough guy that she respects you enough not to cheat.

[Jdanz]

i'm not going to judge a woman on things i wouldn't want her to judge me on, because while everyone is hypocritical to some degree, i think it's healthy to try not to be.

If you're hung up on who your current has been with in the past, it's likely has somethign to do with how you look at yourself.

[Dominic]

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i'm not going to judge a woman on things i wouldn't want her to judge me on, because while everyone is hypocritical to some degree, i think it's healthy to try not to be.

If you're hung up on who your current has been with in the past, it's likely has somethign to do with how you look at yourself.

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read the OP again. The other guy is obviously not IN THE PAST, but still very much present. Which makes your advice utter bullshit. Still.