What in the hell can I do to get fired???? ( long, rambling, idiotic)

[Pocket Trips]

OK I am tired of my boss's bullshit. Tired of getting yelled at for fixing mistakes he made, tired of making appointments for him which get cancelled because he can't get his fat ass to a 2 pm appointment on time when it is the only thing he has to do all damn day! So I REALLY need to find a new job, but there are a few problems.

I don't drive and the area I live in is almost impossible to get around by public transportation, and my relationship with my boss is hanging by a thread as You will see later on so I can't take much time off to go on interviews while still employed so I have decided to get myself fired in order to collect unemployment while I look for a new job.

I also know that my boss is DESPERATE for people who are good on the phones and that his new clients would come to a screeching halt if I left my job so I can basically get away with murder and not get fired, but I am trying my best.

In order to get myself fired I have done the following over the past few months:

on 3 occasions now I have not showed up and not called for 2 days at a time ( 3 days is considered job abandonment) and on the 3rd daY when I show up my boss just brings me into his office yells at me tells me he will give me one more chance blah blah blah....

I have cut my production to the point where I now do in a week what I used to do in 1 day ( thanks to 2+2 [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] )

Then today the following happened :

Mayor McCheese waddles past my office as I am just hanging up the phone and writing the results of the last call down on my notes. He waddles in reverse and says " I want you on the phone all day today" I explain to him that I was on the phone less than 5 seconds ago and he rolls his eyes and walks away.

Fast foward 3 hours later and the exact same thing happens.. I JUST hung up the phone when he waddles past on the way that only people with the body shape of a weeble can... as I am writing the call results down he says to me


Fat Ass " I thought I told you I want you on the phone all day today"

Me " I AM on the phone, I just hung up the reciever less than a second ago"

Fat Ass " NO you didn't"

.... at this point I lost it ....

Me " don't you dare tell me what I just did when you have no clue what the hell you are talking about!"

He comes into my office and says

Fat ass "shut the fvck up"

Me "don't you dare speak to me that way! If you have a problem with me not showing up then fire me but as long as I am an employee here I will be spoken to respectfully"

Fat ass " You have worn out your welcome here and don't deserve any respect"

Me " If I am here I will be treated with a modicom of respect. If you don't like what has happened fire me, but I refuse to be harrassed while trying to make appointments for you and busting my ass all day for you and if you don't like it you can go fvck your own ass" ( yes i really said this to my boss, it was a true office space moment)

FaT Ass " I will check your call counts tomorrow and if they aren't where they should be you will be fired" and he waddled away

Unfortunately I really did do my job today, I even made 2 appointments in 1 day when the average person makes only 3 a week [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

Short of crapping on his desk during a staff meeting I am really starting to wonder what I have to do to get fired ???????