Diesel's Caribbean Cruise Trip Report

[Rick Diesel]

Due to the popularity of my Vegas trip report, I have detailed my latest venture here, for your enjoyment. Please save yourself the hassle of posting any negative comments, as I really don't give a [censored].

Booking the cruise

Way back in February of this year, the wife and I were trying to decide what to do this year for vacation. As Mrs. Diesel only gets 3 weeks of vacation at her job, our options are somewhat limited. We have been in a steady pattern of going on two vacations every year, as we go on one vacation with our friends, and another vacation with one of our families, rotating each year. This year we were due to go on vacation with her parents, and decided to join them for two weeks in Myrtle Beach in August. We were, though, still undecided as to how to spend our other week.

Mrs. D thought it would be fun to go to Disney World in October with a couple of our friends. I thought it would be more fun to go on a cruise in May. We made the decision to go to Disney World, however I told her that I was going to win enough money to pay for the cruise that very night playing poker, but she did not believe me. Well, luck must have played a great factor that day, because I won the 6:30 $5.50 rebuy on Stars for $3,600. Now we just had to figure out a way to get the wife off of work for an additional week, so that we could take both trips.

That problem was easily solved, as I coached my wife to go to her boss and ask for a raise. We both knew that her douchebag boss would not give her a raise, because the company is struggling financially, however this was an opportunity to work with what we actually had a chance to get. I showed my wife how she could get her boss to understand all of the hard work that she does, and how she feels underappreciated. I had her tell the boss that she feels that she is not rewarded for that work, and since he can not afford to pay her more money, he should give her additional vacation time. He immediately agreed to give her another week of vacation. Problem solved.

Our friends have gotten into the habit of going on a week-long Caribbean cruise every-other May. This will be their third cruise, however it will be the first for the wife and I. They had already decided on the cruise, it would be the Western Caribbean cruise on the Carnival ship Glory. The stops would be at Key West, Belize, Cozumel, and Progreso.

Here is the lineup of who will be joining us on the trip:

Rick Diesel – me
Mrs. Diesel – my wife
Big E – my best friend
Mrs. E – my best friend’s wife
KK – a good friend of mine
Big E’s parents – Who shall be referred to as Mr. and Mrs. Sting, although there was a great debate as to whether his father looked more like Sting or Marcel Luske.
Big E’s sister – Who shall be referred to as Whiplash due to the fact that numerous men must have received severe neck injuries straining to check her out. She is a model, six foot tall, thin, with blond hair and huge natural boobs. She is definitely the hottest chick on the entire boat.
KK’s parents – Nothing particularly interesting happened involving them on the trip, so they will just be referred to as KK’s parents.
SHU – A friend of Sting and KK’s father, who was dubbed the nickname SHU during the trip because every day he seemed to wear a different shirt pimping the initials of the college for which he is the defensive coordinator of the football team.

Well, now that you know the players, it is time for a detailed recap of the game. As to prevent everyone from complaining about the length of this report, I will be breaking it down into 8 sections, one for each day of the trip. I will warn all of you that day one is probably the most boring day, so please don’t be quick to judge the trip or think that I have lost the Mojo that was generated in my Vegas trip report. And without further delay, you can find day one further down in this thread.

Rick Diesel

[Rick Diesel]

Day One – Saturday, May 23rd

The f**king alarm clock is blaring in my ear, and unfortunately I open my eyes to see that it is only 6:00 am. Despite only about 3 hours of sleep, Mrs Diesel and I eagerly jump out of bed, and begin preparation for our flight that is leaving Pittsburgh at 8:20 am. We are in the car within 20 minutes, and drive over to my parent’s house. My parent’s actually live on the way to the airport, so my dad is going to drop us off at the airport and pick us up when we get back, saving me approximately $50 in parking. Thanks dad. Big E and his wife were going to ride out to the airport with us, but then backed out when they found out that we only planned on getting to the airport about an hour before the flight departs. I guess they were too scared that the 23 or so other people that were stupid enough to book flights this early were going to cause a big delay at the airport.

Anyway, we get to the airport around 7:00 am, check our bags, and head to our gate. Security goes smoothly, because I am wearing tennis shoes. I travel a lot for work, and have noticed that I have never been stopped for additional security checks when wearing tennis shoes (about 10 experiences), but have been stopped EVERY time when wearing dress shoes (about 5 experiences).

As we get to the gate, we find out that our flight has been delayed until 9:15 am, because the flight crew got in late the previous night and has to meet their mandatory amount of sleep time before they can fly again. As noted in my Vegas trip report, it has now been confirmed that all pilots are p*ssies. All of the ladies decide to go shopping in some of the airport shops, so being the polite gentlemen that we all are, we decide to accompany them from shop to shop, urging them to spend more of our hard-earned money on worthless crap. Yeah right! Obviously we really went to the bar. “BLOODY MARY’S ALL AROUND!” screamed Sting. If getting to the airport signals the official start of your vacation, well then it was about 20 minutes into the vacation and I already had a drink in my hand.

So the guys sit in the bar for about an hour and a half, talking about the fun we are going to have on the booze cruise in Cozumel, talking about how much we are going to take from the casino on board playing –EV table games, talking about how clear the water will be, and how soft the sand will be, talking about how much we are going to drink every night, talking about how much we are going to eat at dinner, talking about how this may be the best trip ever.

Soon it comes time to head back to the gate, and before we know it we are on the plane heading to Orlando. I don’t remember much of the flight, except that I got 2 gin and tonics and fell asleep for about 20 minutes. I had recently purchased an Ipod for the Mrs., and one for myself, and they definitely come in handy during the plane ride. We touch down in Orlando at 11:00am. Important note: We flew on AirTran and the ripped 3 of our bags. Let me repeat, WE FLEW ON AIR TRAN AND THEY RIPPED THREE OF OUR BAGS. I advise you to avoid AirTran if possible. It also really pissed me off because I always tip the bag guys at the express check-in well.

We quickly find our driver, as since we had a group of 11, our travel agent booked us our own transportation to and from the port, for about $200 total, much cheaper than the Carnival offered transportation of $50 per person. This also enabled us to make stops along the way, and leave as soon as we were ready, rather than having to wait for other passengers. As we boarded our van, we immediately informed the driver that he was going to have to make a quick pit stop at a beer store, as we could not possibly make the hour long drive to the port without some frosty cold beverages. We found one quickly, and bought a case of beer for the ride. Since none of the girls wanted to drink, it worked out quite well because each of the guys got 4 beers, almost perfect for the ride. Well, it would have been perfect until KK says that he doesn’t want any beers because he doesn’t feel well. What the f*ck? Well, I am certainly not letting any of the beer go to waste, so I down six in the 65 minutes it takes to get to the port.

After our detour at the beer store, we got to the port around 12:30. The ship was to set sail at 4:00 pm, and supposedly boarding was to start at 1:30, however people were already boarding when we arrived. It took us about an hour to move through all of the security and get onto the ship. We went to find our rooms, but as we were on our way we noticed that they had messed up our dinner times, as many of us had different times than were requested, let alone none of us were at the same table. So we decided to split up, and the women would go and correct the dinner times, and the men would go and explore the ship.

I am not sure if heading directly to the deck and going straight to the bar is considered “exploring”, but when in unfamiliar territory you tend to do what you do best. And what I do best is get really drunk. We make a quick swing by the deli and I grab a turkey sandwich. It was very good, and I make a mental note to revisit the deli for lunch in the future. We then grab a table on deck and proceed to order multiple buckets of Miller Lite. Then it starts to rain, so we take our beers and move to a table under some cover, and proceed to consume multiple beverages in a short time period. Soon the ladies join us, and Mrs. Diesel, Mrs. Big E, and Whiplash are drinking some sort of drink that appears to be 98% rum and 2% something fruity. I immediately change my drink of choice to that, as it certainly appears to be more alcohol for the money.

Everyone that we are with appears to be pretty pissed off that it is raining as we leave port, but it certainly does not bother me. They, being the experienced cruisers that they are, explain that normally when the boat is leaving the port, they are playing music and everyone is up on deck dancing and screaming. This is not happening, because of the rain. I say, “Who gives a sh*t? We still have beer. Let’s drink!” Everyone seems to agree. Our dinner time is set for 6:15, so we drink until about 6:13 and then head down to dinner. I think it is at dinner when I realize that I am completely drunk as all f*ck. Anyway, we proceed to eat. I order some sort of fish, and it was good. We also drank a couple bottles of wine. Dinner ends around 8:00 and we head back to our rooms to see if our luggage is there yet. We find that our luggage has arrived, but decided to take a short nap (this is code for “I passed out”) and get ready to go out later.

Mrs. Diesel and I awake from our short nap to see that it is now 1:45 am. I guess we slept a little longer than we had anticipated. As we are going to Key West the next day, we figure that we will need all the rest we can get, and decide to just go back to sleep. As the boat is docking at 9:00 am, I call and get a wake-up call for 8:00. We look forward to heading to Key West the next day, as a friend of ours just moved down to Marathon and is making the hour drive to Key West to meet up with us. More on that and a long day of drinking in Key West in the next installment.

Rick Diesel

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
Big E’s sister – Who shall be referred to as Whiplash due to the fact that numerous men must have received severe neck injuries straining to check her out. She is a model, six foot tall, thin, with blond hair and huge natural boobs. She is definitely the hottest chick on the entire boat.

[/ QUOTE ]



And don't even try to tell us you went on a cruise w/o your [censored] camera.

[asofel]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Big E’s sister – Who shall be referred to as Whiplash due to the fact that numerous men must have received severe neck injuries straining to check her out. She is a model, six foot tall, thin, with blond hair and huge natural boobs. She is definitely the hottest chick on the entire boat.

[/ QUOTE ]



And don't even try to tell us you went on a cruise w/o your [censored] camera.

[/ QUOTE ]

hahaha, there it is. So lets see...your best friends sister is hot as [censored]. This sounds like a worthy tangent thread to come back on...there've gotta be some good stories regarding that situation...

[Dubra]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Big E’s sister – Who shall be referred to as Whiplash due to the fact that numerous men must have received severe neck injuries straining to check her out. She is a model, six foot tall, thin, with blond hair and huge natural boobs. She is definitely the hottest chick on the entire boat.

[/ QUOTE ]



And don't even try to tell us you went on a cruise w/o your [censored] camera.

[/ QUOTE ]

hahaha, there it is. So lets see...your best friends sister is hot as [censored]. This sounds like a worthy tangent thread to come back on...there've gotta be some good stories regarding that situation...

[/ QUOTE ]

yes more on this please !

[Rick Diesel]

Day Two – Sunday May 24th - Key West

We actually wake up at 7:30, before the wake up call, and head up to the Lido Deck (this is the deck containing the pools, hot tubs, and the buffet). We head to the buffet for some breakfast, and I get what would become my standard for the week, and omelet with mushrooms and cheese, 6 sausage links, 4 hash browns, and 2 glasses of orange juice. For a buffet, the food was very good.

Around 8:30 we head back to our rooms to prepare for our voyage into Key West. As I noted previously, we are meeting a friend of ours who just moved down into the area, so we separated from the group and leave the ship right at 9:00.

This was my first time in Key West, and I really liked it. It reminded me of a miniature New Orleans, with all kinds of bars and shops on Duvall Street. The wife and I wondered around on Duvall Street for a while, and then headed to the Hogs Breath Saloon where we were to meet our friend at 11:30. We get there a few minutes early and head straight to the bar and decide to sample some Hogs Breath Beer. Mrs. Diesel thought it was good, but I have certainly had better. She decided to keep drinking the Hogs Breath, but I switched over to Corona.

Our friend was running late, and met us there around 12:00. We ate lunch at the Hogs Breath, and I got the shrimp and chips. It was very good. Our friend and my wife are both in the design business, so he started telling her about this art gallery down the street that he wanted her to see. So we start to stroll down Duvall Street. At this point I have about 6 beers in me, and almost have a nice buzz going, so I really just want to go to another bar and drink some more, but out friend keeps insisting that we see this art gallery, so we keep walking.

Along the way, my wife and our friend proceed to make fun of me for about a solid 5 minutes because I crossed the street for a block and then crossed back over just so I wouldn’t have to walk past the person standing on the street corner with a large snake wrapped around them. I don’t know what it is about snakes, but if you gave me the choice of having a ferocious lion running full speed towards me at 50 feet away and a little baby snake slithering in between my legs, I would choose the lion in a heartbeat.

Anyway, we go to this art gallery, and it sucks. I am getting really bored, so I decide to call KK and find out where they are at. He says that him, Big E, Big E’s wife, and Whiplash are all in some store right across from a bar called Irish Kevin’s. Lucky for me, we were standing outside Irish Kevin’s so we said goodbye to our friend and walked across the street to meet up with them.

As the girls continue to do some shopping, the guys decide to head over to the Bare Bottom Bar. We sit in the bar for about an hour, drinking some beers, when the girls finally come back to get us. They want to start heading back to the ship, as we set sail again at 4:30. As we are walking to the door, Big E and I overhear someone talking about some girl dancing upstairs with big fake boobs. Almost instantaneously, we both realize that there is a strip club upstairs, which is why the place is called the Bare Bottoms Bar. Anyway, we quickly make up some excuse to the girls telling them we will meet them down the street in a few minutes, and jet up the stairs as soon as they are out of sight. (Note: my wife could give two sh*ts if I went to a strip club, but Big E’s wife is highly against it, so we had to be secretive.) Turns out we weren’t missing much, as the talent on a Sunday afternoon must not be the best.

We head back to the boat, with me again crossing the street to avoid walking past the snake. We get to the boat and clean ourselves up for dinner. We get to dinner, and I decide to start a new trend and order two main courses, as I couldn’t decide between the black tiger shrimp and the smoked salmon. This trend would continue for the rest of the trip. The dinner was excellent, and everything was going great, until the cruise director appears in the center of the dining room with a microphone. He then explains to everyone that we are going to divide the ship up into three teams, and each team will receive points for participating in the events that are held on the ship throughout the week. At the end of the week, they will announce which team has the most points, and they will be able to celebrate their no prize victory. The ship is divided into the red team, blue team, and white team. The entire rest of the week, they would update everyone on the total points scored by each team, and everyone seemed to take this so seriously. I just couldn’t understand why anyone would care about this when there are no prizes involved.

After dinner we head to the show, where a performer named Marcus Anthony was going to be singing hits from Motown. I am a big R&B fan, so I thought that the show was excellent. The show ended around 10:00, so we decided to head up to the casino and play some –EV table games until around 11:30, when we would return to the theatre to get good seats for the adult comedy show beginning at 12:00. In an uneventful hour and a half, I dropped $100 on the blackjack table. The comedian was good, and we head back up to the disco, which is called White Heat, which we referred to as “Dub H”. Whiplash is scoring us all numerous free drinks by flirting with the wait staff, which is fine with me. We call it a night around 2:00, as we figure the day at sea tomorrow will be cause for an all day drink fest, and we should probably get some rest.

My two day totals are (these are accurate totals based on the bill I received on my credit card):

Gambling -$100
Drinking 4 glasses of wine at dinner
4 rum punches
28 (7 buckets) Miller Lites

An update on the day at sea, including the major injury sustained by Mrs. Diesel, the waiter that brought Whiplash free drinks the entire rest of the trip, and how the movie Napoleon Dynamite played a major role in the trip, to come tomorrow.

Rick Diesel

[Rick Diesel]

[ QUOTE ]
And don't even try to tell us you went on a cruise w/o your [censored] camera.

[/ QUOTE ]

Pictures will be posted in a couple of days once I get a chance to scan in the pictures and get my other film developed.

[stabn]

[ QUOTE ]

and how the movie Napoleon Dynamite played a major role in the trip, to come tomorrow.


[/ QUOTE ]

Don't scare me like that D.

[mmbt0ne]

6 days still left. Pictures of whiplash still missing.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
6 days still left. Pictures of whiplash still missing.

[/ QUOTE ]

Nice bump.