Which of the 4 big party candidates would be the best poker player

rjc199 · #1 10-17-2004, 09:30 PM

I would stake Cheney in a 4-man NL tourny against Bush, Kerry, and Edwards. I think he seems to be the least emotional, cold, calculating, and manipulating of the bunch. Bush seems like he would be a lag. Kerry seems weak-tight. Edwards could be a solid player, but I don't know if he could be tight enough. He seems a little loose.

So, on November 2, vote for the man who you think would be the best player.

lastchance · #2 10-17-2004, 09:38 PM

Hmm... Cheney can and will probably go for the throat. Very dangerous Vahedi-type player. Think he's laggy, but the good kind of laggy. Kerry does seem a bit weak-tight, though I think he might be solid, Bush would probably get his chips in a bit too fast. I don't know about Edwards either. I'd stake Cheney too.

Bigdaddydvo · #3 10-17-2004, 09:44 PM

I'd pick Kerry to bust out first, as I see also see him as weak-tight. He would care too much about the table's image of him to play winning poker. Can you really see him making a unilateral play like moving all in? He'd probably want France's permission before doing it. In fact, I bet our "Allies" could persuade him to lay down pocket aces before the flop.

Edwards is too expressive and would give off way too many tells. Be prepared for a lawsuit if you lay a bad beat on him.

GWB would be an aggressive, blind-stealing MF'r. I could see him having trouble with a post-flop plan to win the pot, though.

Dick Cheney. Ice water in his veins, and hog-fat in his arteries. If he doesn't have a heart attack from the pressure of NL holdem, he wins easily.

CarlSpackler · #4 10-17-2004, 11:42 PM

Cheney's too emotional, and liable to go on tilt. Bush is too loose preflop, and struggles with post-flop play. Kerry is too weak-tight, and would need the cards to have a chance. Edwards would have the best table image, and be the best at trapping his opponents.

slickpoppa · #5 10-18-2004, 02:01 AM

I'm not sure who would win, but if they were playing online, Bush and Cheney would definitely accuse the site of being rigged and having ties to Osama.

Cyrus · #6 10-18-2004, 02:30 AM

Cheney : The meanest, most immoral, least inhibited, money-hungry son of a bitch among presidential candidates of the last two decades. So, he's the best of the bunch!

Edwards : Talks a smooth talk and hides his defects and real intentions real well. Calm under fire. Money hungry as well, did I mention money hungry? A cinch for second place. (Would be close if he went heads up against Cheney, though.)

Kerry : Weak tight. But not bad otherwise.

Bush : The ultimate sucker. If there was a "lowball" bet on tournament play (eg Which contestant would bust out first?) he'd be the favorite. An absolute disaster of a poker player and a drain for the money staked on 'im: Calling station; then Maniac; then Passive/Depressive (new category!); then Catatonic (another 'un!); then careless with the protection of his hand; then Maniac again; he thinks he's "mixing it up" LOL; etc etc. By far, the worst of the bunch.

Advantage Play :
Stake Kerry.
Make a deal with Cheney to lose (he'll take it with both hands!)
Compliment Bush for his poker knowledge and get him to play in the ring game afterwards.
Edwards to shill.

--Cyrus

Michael Davis · #7 10-18-2004, 02:46 AM

I think your analysis is spot on. Cheney doesn't have a lot of heart, though.

-Michael

Eclypse · #8 10-18-2004, 01:12 PM

I agree that Cheney would be the best poker player--but he'd also be the most likely to use marked cards.

Bush would be the most likely to think a straight beats a flush.

jakethebake · #9 10-18-2004, 01:35 PM

Cheney. Kerry would ask for a new deck every hand and keep jumping seats. Dubya's "strategiery" wouldn't hold up. Edwards would be too busy worrying about whether the cards were made from recycled paper.

zephed56 · #10 10-19-2004, 08:46 AM

W would bust out first on a wrong "gut feeling", that he prayed on before he made. And then go on a coke binge with a bunch of vegas strippers.

Kerry would be 2nd out, because he just can't decide what he wants to do with a hand, you know flip-flopping, so he calls all-in and busts out. And then complains, "you know, I actually folded the 87 billion dollar pot before I called the 87 billion pot". Next year he plans to return with a stake from his rich wife.

Cheney busts out in 2nd place, after going on tilt. Apparently this time he just couldn't handle Edwards making fun of his lesbian daughter on national TV.