Shutting up the Table Coach

[DrewOnTilt]

Help me out here, guys. I need some new smartass responses to Table Coaches who rail on me for various reasons. There's no point in explaining to a Table Coach that I raised on a draw versus his overpair to get a free card, or that I called his KK preflop raise with QJ suited because I knew the rest of the table would also call. These "experts" don't seem to understand such moves.

The lines that I have already run into the ground:

"I'm sorry, but I didn't hear what you said. I was too busy stacking what used to be your chips." (got that from 2+2, thanks!!)

"I usually don't play this game, but this card room doesn't spread Old Maid or Go Fish."

"I'm glad that you are at this table, since I am learning so much from you."

"I'm sorry, but this is my first time ever playing poker. I don't know what I'm doing at all."

Alright, I have used these lines to death. I need more!! Help??

[felson]

"Could I buy a copy of your book please?"

[kalooki45]

I've never played 'live' poker in a cardroom, so perhaps there are factors I'm not aware of here--but I don't see why you feel that you're obligated to respond in any way at all.

You get the same sort of thing in bridge--mostly online--and it always comes from bad players!
I don't respond at all, for these reasons:
1. It's useless.
2. This is your opp--you're not there to give him lessons.
3. Letting him 'get to you' may damage your concentration.
4. Silence is often perceived as strength. I've noticed while watching poker on TV that the 'big talkers' are usually the first to go!
5. Your stack answers for you, anyway [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[Mayhap]

Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity.
/M

[chesspain]

"It must be all of that cough syrup I drank."

[spamuell]

"You have crossed the line of inexcusability."

[miajag81]

"I hope your baby dies of cancer"

[Noo Yawk]

Why would you want to stop someone from telling you exactly how they play? Just releive them of their chips and don't worry about the rest.

[DrewOnTilt]

Nice responses fellas.

Actually, maybe the post title should be different. Smartass remarks such as the ones listed don't shut the table coaches up, but they DO serve to put people on tilt.
And for us, someone on tilt = easy money.

[bernie]

I got into it with an A Hole online today. He was winning and letting everyone know how great he was and how terrible everyone else is. Hitting everything that moved so he was obviously an expert to himself.

After a few berations to me, i finally said, after he rivers me on another pot, 'I see you still have that horseshoe up your azz.'

'Don't be lookin at my azz!' he responds.

I respond with, 'Well, it's kind of hard to see the horseshoe with your head in the way.'

b