Problems with my friend- rehab and insanity (xpost oot)

Yes, another one of those stupid anonymous posts. I apologize in advance. I'm not sure how respected I am, but I have quite a few posts, even some good strategy ones.

My friend has recently become extremely irrational and his friends and family are seeking help. He will not accept any help and afaik I am the only person that he has contact with.

Backstory: He is a high limit player (non 2+2) that has been quite successful. He has always been semi-quirky but a fun, cool guy.

A few months ago two things happened. My friend, we will call him Joe, started getting very heavy into alternative forms of thinking/spirituality and began using coke.

His cocaine use was infrequent, sometimes every few days, sometimes once a week, sometimes even less. However, when he did coke he would always do (or want to do) alot. If he bought an eightball he would do it until it was finished; he could not relax and just use recreationally.

We would do blow occasionally together (as well as one really weak mushroom trip). It was never a big deal, we would do 3-5 lines in a night, go to a bar, drink, smoke a bunch of cigarettes, stay up and I would go to sleep. If he had any left he would always finish it.

As time passed his spiritual beliefs became more and more extreme. He came to believe, because of a series of events, that he was in complete control of his life. He basically believed he was infallible. (The events were things such as: He would drive stoned or coked up and believe he could not be pulled over, his friend was pulled over while they were smoking and was let off by the cop because he told the truth that they were smoking/high to the cop, he was found with cocaine and released by the police with the bag still on him, nothing bad EVER would happen to him, regardless of how crazy the situation, etc) He would try to explain to his group of friends his beliefs and they would remark that he had gone crazy. He would get super pissed that his friends would turn on him, etc.

Meanwhile, as his beliefs became more extreme, I would talk with him about them and attempt to give some philosophical insight as to the basis of his beliefs. I did not think that he had gone crazy, merely that the beliefs were a phase and I would constantly caution him about his risky behavior. I felt like I was a voice of reason and that he trusted me. I also felt that he was in a phase that would pass or disappear once he found himself in some sort of trouble.

Just recently he went on a family vacation and apparently started talking more and more about his ideas. His family thought something was weird and I am unsure of the details. When he got back he immediately went to Vegas with two friends. The details of the trip are hazy but the friends who were there (who are semi-reliable, they had been overly dramatic about his previous actions however) think that he had basically snapped. He would follow one person around and not leave their side. He took his expensive cell phone and broke it in two. On the drive out he was throwing 20's out of the window of the car because someone asked for gas money; he was angry that they had asked for it because he had been so generous with them previously. He was stopped by one of them from throwing out his $3k laptop.

When he came home, his roomate who he had gone to vegas with moved out because Joe threatened his life. He looked him in his eyes and calmly said "You are going to be killed. You are going to be beaten to death by a baseball bat." While his roomate moved out with his parents he sat on the couch laughing continuously while taking bong rips.

Joe's parents attempted to have an intervention with him and he laughed. He claimed that they didnt understand and that he was a God of his own world. He told them matter-of-factly that he and I did coke all the time and that I understood him. He said that we were "cocaine buddies" and this obviously incensed his parents. They called the police to see if they could do anything and the police said no. They took his car.

At the moment he has no phone, no car, only the internet and his apartment. No one knows how much money he has. I know he had over 50k before his vacation. His parents claim that he has nothing at that his checks written for rent etc will bounce.

This morning the [censored] hit the fan for me because his parents contacted everyone that he knows. They informed my parents of his claims, etc etc. I am in my 20s and was upfront with my parents about the whole situation. I don't do blow very often and his claims were mostly exaggerated. They were pretty rattled but I think they believe me.

Joe's parents have instructed everyone they know to cut off all contact with him. They have spoken with counselors who think that he may have developed schizophrenia or perhaps took acid and has been tripping badly ever since. They said do not offer him food or shelter or even speak to him. Today on IM he offered me his desktop computer and 21" dell monitor. I asked him why and he said he was going to throw it away if I didn't want it because he was getting rid of his old stuff.

I have no idea what to do at the moment. I feel like ignoring him is probably best at the moment however, I understand how deeply he believes his ideas right now and I am frightened for his life. I would compare him right now to the mentality of a religious extremist- like a suicide bomber he believes to the depths of his core that his beliefs are correct.

As I type this I have corresponded with him on IM briefly. He has urged me to have lunch and get the computer because he wants to trash it.

I really don't know wtf to do at all.

Any suggestions or help is encouraged. I feel like my friend is going insane before my eyes and I am lost. Any questions/filling in gaps of the story I can do. Sorry if this is scattered, I am emotionally drained right now.

Thanks

Let him trash it.

I say seeing him again, or even speaking another word to him, is seriously -EV.

[vexvelour]

Wow man, that sucks. I agree, let him just trash it.

So he's living on his own like this? Is he staying with his parents? They can Baker Act him and at least he'd get professional help. He sounds like he could only get worse and perhaps even think that he could get away with killing someone. He needs help. Hope this helps.

[bolgenmod]

I'm no medical doctor or pychologist, but I can't read this without saying SOMETHING.

If your friend has developed serious emotional problems (which it is clear he has), he needs help, NOT to be stuck in an empty apartment with a only a computer. I can see why his parents would want him to cut contact with supposed bad influences (like you -- to them you are just a druggie who did bad things with him), but to just leave him alone seems a little crazy on their part.

Who are these supposed counselors who gave this crappy advice? If he really is schizophrenic, any reputable doctor knows that treatment, not isolation, is the answer. The whole thing sounds very sad for him -- it sounds like his parents are getting bad advice. And they get an intervention of some sort, call the police, cut off contact? Sounds like some sort of fundamentalist "tough love" thing, which (from what I understand) often hurts more than it helps.

As for what you can do, I would keep IMing him, not cut off all contact. I might call his parents and tell them that he has contacted you, and he seems to be getting worse. They may get angry or not want to speak to you, but you should tell them that you really think he needs some help, not some misguided tough-love.

Another option is to talk to your parents -- tell them that you are extremely worried about your friend and would like some help. Again, your parents might be angry (blaming him for you being an evil druggie, etc) or want you to just forget about your friend (the bad influence), but they might also have some ideas.

Do you have a family doctor? (Probably not, if you're a 20-something man!) He or she might also have some advice. I would suggest a clergyperson, but there are lots of clergy who might agree with the tough love thing. But there are many clergymen who have some knowlege of mental illness (lots of people come to them for help) who might be able to intervene in some way.

It's a fine line: how to help a friend without being dragged into his problems. I commend you for trying to help, but if you can't, remember that you tried! Good luck.

Again, I am not a medical professional, but I am a resonably intelligent older person who has had friends and family with problems (who of us over 30 has not?). Talking to someone with some more experience or knowledge might ease your mind and help your friend.

[Namdrahsirhc]

I agree with bolgenmod.
Although I'm nowhere near qualified to give any kind of medical advice, or offer any diagnoses, I did work in a psychiatric hospital on the intensive care unit for some time. His behavior doesnt seem like schizophrenia, but the manic side of bipolar disorder.

From what i understand, people who are experiencing mania feel invincible, become frivolous with money and belongings and may even hallucinate in severe cases. This can be brought on by a general predisposition to the disorder followed by hallucinagenic drugs (mushrooms) or cocaine, PCP, heroine, whatever.

The best way to help your friend is not to cut off all contact with him (this really is poor advice). But to not enable him with the cocaine, marijuana, alcohol, etc. This will make everything worse, trust me I've seen people like this many times. I hope this helps, goodluck to you and your friend

[ QUOTE ]
The best way to help your friend is not to cut off all contact with him (this really is poor advice). But to not enable him with the cocaine, marijuana, alcohol, etc. This will make everything worse, trust me I've seen people like this many times. I hope this helps, goodluck to you and your friend

[/ QUOTE ]

Maybe I misunderstood the post. Cutting off all contact would be best for the OP, not for the psychotic friend. I have no interest in helping the psychotic friend, only our 2+2 bro. I still say seeing him again would be -EV.

[CaptSensible]

Your friend is obviously disturbed. I only have the information from your post but it sounds like he is capable of hurting those around him ("you will be beaten with a baseball bat"). Since he is unwilling to receive help of any kind there is really nothing you can do.

The first issue that he needs to address is his cocaine addiction. A common feeling that cocaine users get is a feeling that they can do anything (supposedly Hitler was a cocaine user and was on the stuff when he decided to invade Russia).

I'm gonna guess that he had some issues to begin with that became exacerbated by the chemical effects of coke.

The common advice, and it is good advice, for drug addicts who refuse all help is that all those close to them cut off all contact. One of the reasons for this is the fewer consequences the addict has to deal with the less reason he has to stop using.

I have 15 years clean from cocaine use and have too many experiences with friends who were very heavy drug addicts.

The only advice I can give you based on my own experiences is that you tell him that you love him and that you are worried about him. That you want to help him and want him to get help. That if he won't seek help that you can't remain in his life though you will always be his friend and he can always come to you if he wants to get the help he needs.

I'm not a doctor or a professional in these matters though so who knows.

I would suggest you talk to your own doctor and ask him for his thoughts.

The thing that concerns me most is his threat to his roommate. Your friend might be VERY dangerous to others let alone himself. This is a situation of which I have no experience whatsoever.

Again, I would talk to your physician about this.

As for you I suggest maybe going to an Alanon meeting. Alanon is a group for people who have or have been in close relationships with drug addicts/alcoholics. You will almost assuredly find someone there who has had either your experience or one very similar. IMHO it would be a good idea to talk to these people and ask them for advice and help. You might find some answer as to how to deal with this situation.

I have much empathy for you.
Hope this helps. Good luck to you.

[Tailgunner]

It's a rough spot you're in, and I've walked down those dark roads so I empathize. Unfortunately, there may not be much you can do. If your friend is a danger to himself or others, call EMS and have him hospitalized. If he's not an immediate threat, you can't force him to seek help. Remain his friend, but do not in any way continue to support his destructive behavior. You can continue to (gently) urge him to see someone, but considering his perceived invincibility he may need to crash and burn before that happens.

Looks like suicide symptoms.