Shutting up the Table Coach

[DrewOnTilt]

Help me out here, guys. I need some new smartass responses to Table Coaches who rail on me for various reasons. There's no point in explaining to a Table Coach that I raised on a draw versus his overpair to get a free card, or that I called his KK preflop raise with QJ suited because I knew the rest of the table would also call. These "experts" don't seem to understand such moves.

The lines that I have already run into the ground:

"I'm sorry, but I didn't hear what you said. I was too busy stacking what used to be your chips." (got that from 2+2, thanks!!)

"I usually don't play this game, but this card room doesn't spread Old Maid or Go Fish."

"I'm glad that you are at this table, since I am learning so much from you."

"I'm sorry, but this is my first time ever playing poker. I don't know what I'm doing at all."

Alright, I have used these lines to death. I need more!! Help??