Banging Chicks from Real Life

Ok I have the tips and secrets on how to succeed.

1) Get a really big penis, this is vital. Anyway you can do this, do it. Chicks dig this for some strange reason. 2 inch wang = pathetic. 9 inch wang = your key to the love pudding.

2) Watch all the Hans and Franz you can get your hands on. They make Ivan Drago look like the sissy man he is. "I must break you?" Please, Hanz and Franz piss on Drago. Not only will they *clap* PUMP...you UP! but they will teach you to speak in an accent that melts women into puddles of mushy poo. I cannot stress this enough...accents are overpowering tools to get all the sex you desire. Just ask Arnold. All he has to do is say, "I am Ahhnold," and BAM, women at his feet begging to be his love slave.

3) Forget the shave and a haircut. Haven't you seen Austin Powers The Spy Who Shagged Me? Not only does he get all the poon tang he wants, but the chicks ACTUALLY dig his hairiness. During the memorable chess pieces sex scene, I quote the Russian model who wants to bang Austin into the 21st century, "You are hairy like ANIMAL." If you have to put chia pet goo on your chest, do it. This is standard. Nh.

4) Watch all the Baywatch you can get your hands on. Now that Hanz and Franz have taken care of your muscles, it's time to pump up your sexiness. David Hasselhoff running down the beach will teach you the tricks of the trade you need to bang any female who has a pulse. Purchasing his music albums is an add on that I recommend. Watching the Baywatch boobies bounce up and down is simply a bonus. It will provide you with the motivation you need to get your hands on those precious melons of fun.

I'm pretty sure this has all been mentioned before, but only for a price. I provide these secrets to you, my fellow 2+2'ers, free of charge. Use them, study them, and you too can trick any beautiful woman into foolishly having sex with you when chances are you are way too ugly to deserve it.

Neff

[AdamBragar]

So my friend has a tuft of hair on his back. He doesn't have a full grown carpet of back hair, just a random patch of backhair towards his neck. So he's on a date one night with this girl and she goes to put her arm on his back and feels the tuft of back hair. She doesn't pull her arm away, no, she just keeps rubbing his back (including the hair). When this happened, he knew he's in. So, before gluing some hair to your chest, I'd be careful. It's a pretty good test of the self esteem of the girl. If she sees the unsightly hair and accepts it, she is a girl of low self-esteem and likely low morals. You will be able to get her in bed and do all types of freaky stuff. I think this was a concept a sex-machine like powers mastered. He could identify the freaky girls due to an arsenal of weapons including his body carpet.

But if you look at Hans and Franz, Drago or Hasselhoff (who probably banged the whole cast of Baywatch, good man), they seem to be virtually hairless. Besides the hair advice, if I've learned anything, it's come from tv and movies. So this advice can't be wrong.

[samjjones]

[ QUOTE ]
So my friend has a tuft of hair on his back. He doesn't have a full grown carpet of back hair, just a random patch of backhair towards his neck. So he's on a date one night with this girl and she goes to put her arm on his back and feels the tuft of back hair. She doesn't pull her arm away, no, she just keeps rubbing his back (including the hair). When this happened, he knew he's in. So, before gluing some hair to your chest, I'd be careful. It's a pretty good test of the self esteem of the girl. If she sees the unsightly hair and accepts it, she is a girl of low self-esteem and likely low morals. You will be able to get her in bed and do all types of freaky stuff. I think this was a concept a sex-machine like powers mastered. He could identify the freaky girls due to an arsenal of weapons including his body carpet.

But if you look at Hans and Franz, Drago or Hasselhoff (who probably banged the whole cast of Baywatch, good man), they seem to be virtually hairless. Besides the hair advice, if I've learned anything, it's come from tv and movies. So this advice can't be wrong.

[/ QUOTE ]
Although I enjoy your posts, I must take issue with one point. Mitch Buchanan rocked the chestfro.

[radek2166]

Are U telling me that I have a chance to bang a real life chick? No more sheep?

[IggyWH]

[ QUOTE ]
Step one is to post hands in OOT for critique. We can't help you if we can't see how you play. Always remember that pics are not only helpful, but essential.

[/ QUOTE ]

Is there a myspace convo to real life converter? Where's Bison when you need him?

[diebitter]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Step one is to post hands in OOT for critique. We can't help you if we can't see how you play. Always remember that pics are not only helpful, but essential.

[/ QUOTE ]

Is there a myspace convo to real life converter? Where's Bison when you need him?



[/ QUOTE ]

This is 'real life'. You'd need a 'real life'>'myspace' converter first.

[IggyWH]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Step one is to post hands in OOT for critique. We can't help you if we can't see how you play. Always remember that pics are not only helpful, but essential.

[/ QUOTE ]

Is there a myspace convo to real life converter? Where's Bison when you need him?



[/ QUOTE ]

This is 'real life'. You'd need a 'real life'>'myspace' converter first.

[/ QUOTE ]

My life revolves around 1 thread, and 1 thread only.

[vexvelour]

wow you think too much about this stuff.

[HiatusOver]

What stuff? I think too much about banging real life girls? Is that possible? Are u saying u dont think I should go for the haircut/shave either?

Read my post. Negative on the shave and a haircut. Reread all sections.