LOOSENING UP

HEY DISPICABLE SLUGS,


I'M SO SICK OF COMING TO THIS WEBSITE AND SEEING ALL THESE STUPID HANDS BEING POSTED. ALL THEY DO IS DISTRACT READERS AWAY FROM MY GREAT STORIES. NOW THIS WEAK-TIGHT PIG JIMBO BRIER HAS PUBLISHED A WHOLE BOOK OF HANDS. IF HE SENDS ME A FREE COPY MAYBE I'LL USE THE PAGES TO WIPE MYSELF. HAHAHAHAHAH. WELL, I'VE GOT A SURPRISE FOR HIM. I'VE BEEN TALKING TO MASON AND TWOPLUSTWO IS GOING TO PUBLISH MY FIRST BOOK. IT'S TITLED "SUCKING OUT ON FAT HUMPS LIKE YOU". I'LL BE PROVIDING UPDATES ABOUT MY BOOK IN FUTURE POSTS. YESTERDAY, IT WAS AUTHOR VS. AUTHOR AT THE BELLAGIO. I'D ALREADY TAKEN DOWN JIMBO NINE TIMES IN A ROW AND WAS TAUNTING HIM. "YOU PLAY TOO WEAK-TIGHT JIMBO. YOU NEED TO LOOSEN UP." WELL, I GET DEALT EIGHT EIGHT IN MIDDLE POSITION AND OPEN RAISE. JIMBO THREE BETS ME ON THE BUTTON. THE REST FOLD AND WE'RE HEADS UP FOR THE TENTH TIME. I JUST CALL THINKING THAT JIMBO IS SO WEAK-TIGHT THAT HE'D ONLY THREE-BET JOEY WITH POCKET ACES. THE FLOP COMES EIGHT FIVE DEUCE. I BET AND JIMBO RAISES. I SMOOTH CALL. THE TURN BRINGS ANOTHER DEUCE. I CHECK. JIMBO BETS AND I CHECK RAISE HIM AND SAY "JIMBO, YOU WEAK-TIGHT HUMP, HAVEN'T YOU LEARNED NOT TO PLAY POCKET ACES AGAINST JOEY?" JIMBO SHAKES HIS HEAD. THE FOOL PROBABLY THINKS I'VE GOT A DEUCE. THE RIVER IS AN ACE. I THINK 'DID JIMBO JUST HIT A TWO-OUTER ON JOEY?' I CHECK AND JIMBO BETS. I CALL. HE TURNS OVER ACE FOUR OFFSUIT. I SHOW MY FULL-HOUSE AND TAKE IT DOWN. JIMBO IS HUMILIATED BY THE PATHETIC CARDS HE'S JUST SHOWN AND RUNS OUT OF THE POKER ROOM IN SHAME. BEFORE HE GETS OUT OF EARSHOT, I YELL "YOU'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER THE DAY WHEN JOEY LOOSENED YOU UP." WHILE I WAS EATING DINNER LATER THAT NIGHT, JIMBO WALKED INTO THE RESTAURANT. BUT, I DIDN'T REALIZE HE WAS THERE UNTIL HE HAD ALREADY THROWN ME DOWN TO THE FLOOR AND PINNED ME THERE WITH A FOOD CART. HE PROCEEDED TO PULL MY PANTS DOWN TO MY ANKLES AND THIS IS THE DELICATE PART AGAIN. HE USED MY SOFT FLESH TO PLEASURE HIMSELF. THE INCIDENT LASTED FOR SEVERAL MINUTES AS OTHER CUSTOMERS JUST CONTINUED TO EAT THEIR MEALS. WHEN HE WAS FINISHED, HE SAID "YOU'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER THE DAY WHEN JIMBO BRIER LOOSENED YOU UP." I DON'T MIND. AFTER PLAYING WITH HIM, I'VE GOT A LOT MORE LOOSE CHANGE IN MY POCKETS. SEE YA AND WOULDN'T WANT TO BE YA, YOU FAT HUMPS.

SEE YA AND WOULDN'T WANT TO BE YA, YOU FAT HUMPS.


You wouldn't want to be us? You get anally raped every time you win at poker. The worst that happens to me is the railbirds asking me for loans.

I'll tell you one thing; you sure paint a hell of a picture.


Pat