Dear Bison. July 2005. Something licked this way comes.

[bisonbison]

What this thread is for: three, two, one.

I am smarter, wiser and more recently back from a wedding in Nantucket than you, so ask (in the form of 'Dear Bison,'), and ye shall receive.

I can't help but help.

[mr pink]

dear bisonbison,

there's this girl at work that i'm kind of into. got any suggestions for a good first date?

- pink

[M2d]

dear bison,
why did BigSteve leave?

thank you,
M2d

[xLukex]

Dear bisonbison,

What is my girlfriend planning for my birthday?

Regards,

xLukex

[pearljam]

Dear Bison,

Is there any way to get air conditioner into a room without windows big enough for a window untit? I dont care how much it costs, can this be done?

[bisonbison]

Dear Pink,

Dinner is pretty key.

Beyond that it depends on her. Movies are low-key and don't require you to make hours of conversation. Window shopping (if you go out to dinner at some sort of downtown place) is always good if you do feel like you can charm her.

The basics: ask her out to dinner, ask her if there's anywhere she'd like to go, pay.

[bisonbison]

Dear M2d,

There are a couple of equally unimportant reasons why he may have left:

A) he was a one-joke gimmick and he got tired of it.
B) he wasn't a gimmick and he decided 2+2 wasn't worth his time.
C) he was a joke or not and decided to try again on his main account or some new one.

He'll either be back or he won't.

[Tanach]

Dear Bison,

Is a 17 year old (girl) too young to go out with a 21 yo?

~jack

[bisonbison]

Dear xLukex,

That depends.

If you're in high school, she's planning some sort of psuedo-seductive technique she learned in cosmo that'll leave you more than vaguely bored until she actually puts her mouth on your penis.

If you're in college, she's planning to get you both drunk and laid.

If you're out of college, she's going to get you something that will make your own pathetic gifts to her seem like the last minute crapgrabs they are.

Or visa versa.

[bisonbison]

Dear Pearljam,

All you need is a method for venting the exhaust. I imagine such a thing exists. Call Home Depot.