"Dear bison..." OR "Let me help you help me help you"

[bisonbison]

do you think [a dictionary is] a worth while investment?

Not unless you press leaves as a hobby.

[DBowling]

alright, thats what i thought. your "open a book without playing cards on the cover" comment had me confused for a minute

[Bluffoon]

[ QUOTE ]
"Can asian man and white gill farr in rove?"
"Who's hotter: this 13-year-old or this 11-year-old?"
"I bought a game system for no reason, recommend some games"
"Why is it lightsabers can absorb lightening?"
"How do you guys make things in your life occur so that later you can talk about them?"

Sweet monkey jesus, you guys need help, and I'm here to provide it. Give me the opportunity to help you not be the way you are anymore. Let me clear your dazed mind, and get you out of the sullen masturbatory desk-stuck hunch that defines the blur of your waking hours. Ask me for advice, for I have gazed into the abyss and lived to tell the tale.

You weren't born a pathetic halfwit, and you don't have to die that way, but if some of you continue on your paths unobstructed, that's where you'll end up: friendless, alone and spotty.

From here into the foreseeable future, if you respond to this thread with a life-question or start an OOT thread called "Dear bison", I will repair your shattered existence.

Let me fix you. Let me cover your shame. It's the least I can do.

[/ QUOTE ]

You do realize you that what you are proposing is akin to shoveling sand back into the ocean?

[FlopMe]

That was some very good advice. Thank you.

[partygirluk]

Dear bison,

I just found out that I have "won" through to round 2 of the "most hated" competition. I have been in a sulk ever since, and don't think I'll ever recover from this blow. What should I do?

[bisonbison]

I am moving out of my parent's house very soon, and I don't know how to wash clothes. Should I even bother with it?

Bother with moving out of your parents' house? Yes.
Bother learning how to wash clothes? Yes.

The basics: take clothing off floor, look at tag - if it says it's not dry clean only, throw it in the hamper. When hamper is full, sort clothes (and at least once a month your sheets and towels for fu[/i]ck's sake) into two piles: whites-brights vs. dark colors. If you have enough to make it worthwhile you can also separate your whites from your brights. Each piles get washed separately. Put a washer-load of clothes (typically the washer should be 3/4 full and not heavily compacted) from any given pile, add generic liquid detergent (like Tide) in appropriate recepticle, insert quarters, press correct button (whites/brights/colors), start wash, come back in 45 minutes. Clear the drier's lint screen, move the clothes to the drier, insert quarters, start dry cycle, come back in an hour. Take clothes from dryer, put any shirt with buttons and any nice pants on clothes hangers, fold the rest, put them in appropriate clothes storage devices.

You're done.

[Bluffoon]

[ QUOTE ]
I am moving out of my parent's house very soon, and I don't know how to wash clothes. Should I even bother with it?

Bother with moving out of your parents' house? Yes.
Bother learning how to wash clothes? Yes.

The basics: take clothing off floor, look at tag - if it says it's not dry clean only, throw it in the hamper. When hamper is full, sort clothes (and at least once a month your sheets and towels for fu[/i]ck's sake) into two piles: whites-brights vs. dark colors. If you have enough to make it worthwhile you can also separate your whites from your brights. Each piles get washed separately. Put a washer-load of clothes (typically the washer should be 3/4 full and not heavily compacted) from any given pile, add generic liquid detergent (like Tide) in appropriate recepticle, insert quarters, press correct button (whites/brights/colors), start wash, come back in 45 minutes. Clear the drier's lint screen, move the clothes to the drier, insert quarters, start dry cycle, come back in an hour. Take clothes from dryer, put any shirt with buttons and any nice pants on clothes hangers, fold the rest, put them in appropriate clothes storage devices.

You're done.

[/ QUOTE ]

Tip: Buy grey underwear and sweatsocks and you won't have to do a separate load for whites.

[DBowling]

[ QUOTE ]

Tip: Dont wear underwear or sweatsocks and you won't have to do a separate load for whites.

[/ QUOTE ]

[bisonbison]

Dear bison,

I just found out that I have "won" through to round 2 of the "most hated" competition. I have been in a sulk ever since, and don't think I'll ever recover from this blow. What should I do?

Dear partygirluk,

There's a perverse pride in being known as an annoying or risque poster. Imagine trying to explain that pride to the pretty girl you loved when you were eight.

Now, concentrate on that feeling of pathetic isolation and consider that it is the constant substrate of your existence here at 2+2. Decide whether you get enough pleasure from being annoying to make it worthwhile to constantly have this taste of utter failure in the back of your throat.

[Shanty]

I had the same concern when considering leaving a wife who was much meaner than me.
Found a wash and fold laundry close by that charged $1 a pound to clean my smelly boxers and, wonder of wonders, they treated me like a wonderful human being.
Here is the question: Would the thrill wear of if I married an entire family of Vietnamese laundry owners, or should we just visit once a week?

Shanty