Why am I such a [censored] retard?

[johnnybeef]

No offense to anyone who has dealt with special children, but I think I may be one. Please find below a list of stupid bullshit that I have done since I have gotten back from Vegas/LA.

(keep in mind that I am playing on about a $800 bankroll and this is what I am living off of.)

1. Put $100 into the stars 11r multi tourney.

2. Gotten into $90 worth of debt with a good friend from this board that I will be able to pay off soon, but every bit counts.

3. Go out drinking and taken a shot at a 215 and play like a total donk (for more details ask apathy)

4. Sat into a $100 nl game, got stacked with a baby straight against a daddy straight, and proceeded to lose another $50 by calling with 2nd best hands (at least I didn't get stacked.)

I told myself that because I was such a dumbass in Vegas and LA at the beginning of the month, that I would punish myself by bonus whoring, taking on ********** (that was for you citanul) and playing 22's. The 22's have been a joke and have been very lucrative, the ******** have been rewarding in a personal sense of satisfaction, and the bonus whoring has been absolutley horrible as gambling at the lowest stakes is really uninteresting. That said, I should have a roll of almost 2k, but, I'm at 800. I'm such a [censored] retard, and I feel like a total piece of [censored] as I have absolutely no self discipline. I honestly want to beat the [censored] out of myself to make myself realize what I'm doing.

Help,

Johnny

[TheNoodleMan]

at least your indians have a shot at the "wold series" though, right? [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[johnnybeef]

[ QUOTE ]
at least your indians have a shot at the "wold series" though, right? [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

dont tempt me......its funny because every day i play a game with myself where i ask if i would rather see the indians win the ws or would i rather win the empire 5k gauranteed so i can get back to the stakes that i was comfertable at.....

[billyjex]

You shouldn't play poker. You have no self-discipline and are prone to "gambling." It's that simple.

[johnnybeef]

[ QUOTE ]
You shouldn't play poker. You have no self-discipline and are prone to "gambling." It's that simple.

[/ QUOTE ]

Its funny, I actually have a decent amount of self discipline, but, it only comes in bits and pieces. It is those random "dammits" that always destroy me.

ps. I'm kind of asking for help from a bunch of friends that I have met here instead of negativity.

[billyjex]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
You shouldn't play poker. You have no self-discipline and are prone to "gambling." It's that simple.

[/ QUOTE ]

Its funny, I actually have a decent amount of self discipline, but, it only comes in bits and pieces. It is those random "dammits" that always destroy me.

ps. I'm kind of asking for help from a bunch of friends that I have met here instead of negativity.

[/ QUOTE ]

Truth hurts. Don't post on a public message board if you don't expect people to be honest.

Maybe a little harshness will wise you up.

[johnnybeef]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
You shouldn't play poker. You have no self-discipline and are prone to "gambling." It's that simple.

[/ QUOTE ]

Its funny, I actually have a decent amount of self discipline, but, it only comes in bits and pieces. It is those random "dammits" that always destroy me.

ps. I'm kind of asking for help from a bunch of friends that I have met here instead of negativity.

[/ QUOTE ]

Truth hurts. Don't post on a public message board if you don't expect people to be honest.

Maybe a little harshness will wise you up.

[/ QUOTE ]

touche, thanks.

[Freudian]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
You shouldn't play poker. You have no self-discipline and are prone to "gambling." It's that simple.

[/ QUOTE ]

Its funny, I actually have a decent amount of self discipline, but, it only comes in bits and pieces. It is those random "dammits" that always destroy me.

ps. I'm kind of asking for help from a bunch of friends that I have met here instead of negativity.

[/ QUOTE ]

Are you less prone to repeat the mistakes after you done it once or does it happen over and over again?

If it does you probably need some help with it, even if it only is someone telling you to be patient in AIM.

I am very conservative and have good bankroll management but certainly have a few "that was really really stupid" moments in my past. I do think I am less likely to repeat them now though. I think discipline is something you need to learn because the opportunity to do stupid stuff is only one mouseclick away at any given point.

[Annulus]

$100 into the $11 rebuy is more common than you think. If you feel horrible about that you probably have no business even playing it in the first place. THey have micros you know.

I take shots at the 215's all the time. Its fun to gamble. The thing about taking a shot is that you must make the money, or else it really feels like a shot to your heart.

As far as bonus whoring goes, i always have less money in my account than what i started with after the bonus is released [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

But, anyways dude, hang in there, challenge yourself and play a crapload of 22s and im pretty sure you can rebuild. the key is stay away from taking shots and playing other high risk games until you rebuild the roll. Good luck.

[pergesu]

[ QUOTE ]
$100 into the $11 rebuy is more common than you think

[/ QUOTE ]
Bones and I are putting at least 10 rebuys into this $11 on empire right now.

each