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#1
10-09-2005, 01:21 AM
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i\'m self-destructive
hey everyone,
i post on this forum fairly frequently, but i changed my username for purposes of this post. i'm 20 yrs old, a junior in college, and i've been playing poker for two years. started playing small stakes, had an amazing summer and built up a br of about 50k. for the past month, i've been up and down, then last night (and this morning) i had the worst session of my life.. i lost 20k at 30-60... a bit of bad luck and a lot of tilt... i've had a tilt problem before, but never anything like this. i'm sick w/ myself and my behavior. i always build bankrolls playing solid poker and destroy them playing like a moron. and i think it comes from the fact that i have an extremely self-destructive personality. as a child, i would tear up my basketball card collections and start anew, i would throw away the money i had (literally) if i was upset, i would throw everything in my room on the ground, etc. in high school i occasionally cut myself, and now the tendencies have turned to poker. if things aren't going my way, i exacerbate the problem and am almost transformed into a different person. last night i cold-called 3 raises w/ 49s. i knew it was the bad play, i even told myself why, and i still did it. if i'm having a bad session, i'll often play until what is in my account is gone (i usually do not keep more than 5k or 10k in any accts). i'm pretty sure i have a problem. who wants to validate it for me? 
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#3
10-09-2005, 01:41 AM
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Re: i\'m self-destructive
Hopefulley Dr. Schoonmaker will see thus answer your question with the seriousness it deserves. In my opinion, I'm a senior in college majoring in Psychology (so I have some background but I'm no expert by any means) I would recomend that you see a pyschitrist about your personality problem, especially the cutting. Have you ever seen someone about this, if so what did they say and why are you no longer seeing him/her? If you still are seeing one, they should be able to help beyond what anyone here can.
' You seem to understand the problem your personality presents yourself, but need a push. You should seek help from a professional!
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#5
10-09-2005, 01:00 PM
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Re: i\'m self-destructive
Take the remainder of your poker money and put it in a bank account you can't touch - find someone you trust absolutely (hopefully a parent?) to set this up for you. You need to get away from the poker tables for a while and put your life in perspective, and you'll be glad to have money sitting around later after this has all blown over. Apparently a 2+2er committed suicide today. (Post in the Internet gambling forum.) We don't need a second.
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#6
10-09-2005, 01:45 PM
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Re: i\'m self-destructive
[ QUOTE ]
Apparently a 2+2er committed suicide today. (Post in the Internet gambling forum.) We don't need a second. [/ QUOTE ] This was a ruse.
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#7
10-09-2005, 01:58 PM
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Re: i\'m self-destructive
You need to seek professional help immediately....since it sounds like you've had this problem a while I would suggest not playing poker for a long time. Its gonna take an immense amount of time and effort on your part to overcome this and it won't help if you are constantly subjecting yourself to the discouragements of the negative side of fluctuation in normal poker play. Keep it together and try and work this out...Don't lose any more money over this problem...or anything else that is important to you.
Good luck....take care
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#8
10-09-2005, 02:05 PM
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Re: i\'m self-destructive
oh. that would explain the irreverent comments in that thread. n/m then. still, he should take his money off the poker sites.
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#9
10-09-2005, 05:32 PM
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Re: i\'m self-destructive
[ QUOTE ]
who wants to validate it for me? [/ QUOTE ] You just did it yourself. Cash out all of your poker accounts and use that money on professional help.
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#10
10-09-2005, 11:15 PM
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Re: i\'m self-destructive
I feel for ya' bro. It sucks to lose that much so quickly.
This won't help your immediate problem, but I wonder if it would be possible for these online poker sites to allow players to set some sort of maximum-loss amount. At a time when you are not on tilt, you could set your max loss amount for the week or the month or the day or whatever. At your level, maybe you could set a max loss for the weekend at $4K or something. This would keep us players with discipline and tilting problems from losing all our money in a short time. I control my discipline problems by having most of my regular paycheck direct deposited into a bank account that isn't attached to neteller or any poker site. The amount I am prepared to lose at poker goes in another account. However, it would be cool to set a weekly loss amount when I first deposit. Once the week was up, the pokersite would allow me to reset my loss amount. A system like this would be overkill for most players, but it might help those of us that are prone to gambling it up too much. Sorry for the rant. I agree with the other posters that you should seek counseling.
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