To Atheists or Agnostics with children......

[addickt]

I certainly fall somewhere between these two beliefs.. My logical mind simply cannot justify accepting fairy tales as truth in the abscence of ANY REAL data..

That being said, believing that there is nothing after death is not very pleasant.. To be quite honest I wish I were a "sheep" like many of these people and could become a believer.

THe thought of death as the absolute end of my existence is downright petrifying.. Which brings me to this.....

I am facing a disease which almost certainly will kill me within the next 8 years ( IM only 31) and I have a 2 year old daughter...

I absolutely want her to believe in God as my life would likely have been a lot easier, and the dying process certainly less anguishing If I believed in God. In no way, shape or form do I want her to anguish over the thought of death being final ( even if I do). Certainly most of her beliefs will be formed by herself, or after I am gone but nonetheless I dont know how I will answer her questions.

Right now, I pray with her every night, even though I have never prayed Until I had her.

I am just curious what you guys tell your children.

[imported_luckyme]

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I am just curious what you guys tell your children.

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In my family, - Essentially the same as we do on any other topic, point out the factors involved and how to use rational thought to point you toward good decisions. Whether religion, politics, family relations, good behaviour at school, duty to others, etc, we talk about it from a base of 'what we know' to 'what are we going to do about it'. Pretty straightforward open approach. We encourge them to form their own opinions from as much information as they want/need and participate in dialogue form rather than lecture.

luckyme

[Jeff V]

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To be quite honest I wish I were a "sheep" like many of these people and could become a believer.


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Some people think faith means lack of doubt, but that's not the case.

Why would you want your daughter to believe a supposed lie? Do you think that would make her life easier? It won't. Or maybe your mad at God for your disease? I wonder why you pray nightly with her, is it just in case?

I definately empathize with the best of my ability with your situation, and wish you the best.

Just curious is the agnostic side of you still looking for answers?

[benkahuna]

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I certainly fall somewhere between these two beliefs.. My logical mind simply cannot justify accepting fairy tales as truth in the abscence of ANY REAL data..

That being said, believing that there is nothing after death is not very pleasant.. To be quite honest I wish I were a "sheep" like many of these people and could become a believer.

THe thought of death as the absolute end of my existence is downright petrifying.. Which brings me to this.....

I am facing a disease which almost certainly will kill me within the next 8 years ( IM only 31) and I have a 2 year old daughter...

I absolutely want her to believe in God as my life would likely have been a lot easier, and the dying process certainly less anguishing If I believed in God. In no way, shape or form do I want her to anguish over the thought of death being final ( even if I do). Certainly most of her beliefs will be formed by herself, or after I am gone but nonetheless I dont know how I will answer her questions.

Right now, I pray with her every night, even though I have never prayed Until I had her.

I am just curious what you guys tell your children.

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I'd be honest with her about how you feel. But, put a positive spin on things. Children respect honesty and it's more likely to lead to good personal growth. I greatly respect your desire to protect your daughter. But, lying is usually not a good way to do it. Even just telling her you're unsure what happens when you die is okay. Spend time with her, help her grow, and give her some positive experiences to focus upon prior to your passing.

Religion is only a mild comfort with death and depending upon how your daughter develops will determine her response.

I'm also really sorry to hear that you've got a likely terminal disease. I say likely because I'm holding out for a cure.

[David Sklansky]

"I am facing a disease which almost certainly will kill me within the next 8 years"

I'm betting the over. Especially if you can make it for the next few years. And if I'm right, you can lay about 20-1 it won't be because of anything a devout religious person thought of.

Meanwhile there are life after death scenarios that you can talk to your daughter about that don't require the moronic specifics of organized religion.

And thank you for putting a face on the arguments against people like BluffTHIS or RJT who say that its no big deal if excellent minds are spending there time on deciding whether Mary was a virgin rather than studying molecular biology.

[benjdm]

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I absolutely want her to believe in God as my life would likely have been a lot easier, and the dying process certainly less anguishing If I believed in God. In no way, shape or form do I want her to anguish over the thought of death being final ( even if I do). Certainly most of her beliefs will be formed by herself, or after I am gone but nonetheless I dont know how I will answer her questions.

Right now, I pray with her every night, even though I have never prayed Until I had her.

I am just curious what you guys tell your children.

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Well, my daughter is not yet 2, so I haven't told her much yet. My wife is a deist / no specific religion. So we will probably tell her some general things about what different people believe and what Mom and Dad personally believe and why. But I plan to not under-equip her to deal with reality by teaching her things that may be comforting but I don't think to be true.

[addickt]

Thanks for the posts... Maybe I am just weak, but I dont know how anyone can honestly say that they wouldnt feel better about the thought of dying if they believed there to be an afterlife..

I pray with her, not for myself, but because I dont want her to go through life fearing death the way that I have. I want her to have the most enjoyable life possible.

I liken it to Santa Claus I Guess, of course we all know that there is no such thing, but most of us dont tell our children that immedaitely because it adds something to their lives believing in it..

Telling her that there is no God, Or I believe there is not, is much less a lie... I know for a Fact that there is no Santa, but none of us are 100% sure that there is not a God.

Maybe my situation is different, I lost a lot of people very close to me at a young age, that coupled with my non belief ( I have never believed, even when I was very young) has caused me great emotional stress and undue anxiety over death and the finality of it.

I suppose its kind of like ignorance is bliss, but I am fairly sure that believers of some type of afterlife (while maybe less analytical or even rational) are happier and more at peace when someone they love dies and when there own demise approaches.

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That being said, believing that there is nothing after death is not very pleasant..

THe thought of death as the absolute end of my existence is downright petrifying..

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It takes all kinds! Rather than petrifying, I find it a relief. In fact, should life become intolerable from whichever viewpoint (Physical, emotional, psychological, economical) I would not hesitate to choose self determined extinguishment.

Regarding the OP question, from both Santa Claus viewpoint and god, the right time to tell a child is when s/he asks about it (is sc real? is there a god?). I guess the fact that the question occurs warrants an honest answer even if it causes dissapointment. It is not the only dissapointment they will experience in life. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

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I suppose its kind of like ignorance is bliss, but I am fairly sure that believers of some type of afterlife (while maybe less analytical or even rational) are happier and more at peace when someone they love dies and when there own demise approaches.

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Unfortunately, I think you are right. Religion is a drug, really. An "opiate for the people", someone might say. You don't think rationally while doped up on opium... but you aren't in pain anymore, either.

[IronUnkind]

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And thank you for putting a face on the arguments against people like BluffTHIS or RJT who say that its no big deal if excellent minds are spending there time on deciding whether Mary was a virgin rather than studying molecular biology.

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Or writing poker books?