If not "Two Beers, Officer", then what?

[MasterShakes]

It always helps to not drive like a jackass in the first place. Cops might be dicks, but there is almost always some visible reason why you are being pulled over. If you have had "a couple beers," just focus on driving straight and within 5 mph of the speed limit. Make sure all your car's equipment is in order (broken tail lights, headlight out, etc. gives them an excuse to pull you over).

If they do pull you over, just lie and say you haven't had anything to drink. Try really hard not to slur your speach when you say it. "A couple beers" or ANYTHING along those lines is most certainly the wrong answer.

I've never had to deal with the field sobriety tests or the breathalizer, because I don't drive like a jackass, even when I've had a few in me.